Permanent Care.......

[lil_chookie]

We are just about to begin our assessments after completing education groups & a mountain of paperwork!

I would love to hear anything from anyone else who has been through this process?

[dusty]

Hi LC

Congratulations on taking this amazing step! I have done the initial information seminars (in the ACT) for Permanent Care which is very similar to Victoria.

I haven't made an application so I can't help you on that level yet, but there was a very interesting ABC radio program this week on Permanent Care in Victoria that you may be interested in listening to.

You can download the podcast or listen online. See Permanent care - Life Matters - 18 June 2009

If you want to continue to talk about your experiences on BB I would be really interested as this is something DH and I are seriously considering and I have friends also going through similar processes.

Best of luck and I think it is a wonderful way to create a family and to provide a family to children desperately in need.

xx

[HotI]

My sister came to our family through foster care, later permanent care and as an adult she made it legal and is now adopted. We also had other long term foster kids who lived with us for months or years. As a kid, i loved it.

I have also looked into permanent care/adoption as an adult and found a really good book called 'Toddler Adoption:The Weaver's Craft' by Mary Hopkins Best. Some of the book is based on intercountry adoption, but i found lots that i found relevant (looking at local only). If you can't get a copy, i could send it to either of you if you are interested, but i would like it back.

good luck,

K

[lil_chookie]

Thanks for the link Dusty, I am listening as I type! I am happy to share the experience here and if you have any questions, please feel free to ask

Kate thank you for the book recommendation

[Liviam]

My little sister and her husband have just been allocated their first child and are starting the process of moving him over to their care. It is so exciting for them!! So I personally haven't been through the process but I just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your journey and I think it is an amazing thing that you and your DH are doing. I just want to wish you and your husband the best of luck and I'll be following your journey with much excitment for you.

[dusty]

That is awesome Dan! THanks for sharing - I think Permanent Care is going to be more common with changed approaches in some States for ongoing care for children in need. Are they looking to do PC again? How old was the child that was placed with them (if you don't mind me asking)?

[Liviam]

They have had a little 2 year old boy placed with them. He has a few physical special needs as he was severly neglected so he is behind on all of his milestones, growth and weight. With special love (which is he is going to get more than he can handle, LOL!!) and physio he will be caught up by school age. They aren't sure how many kids they are going to try for through PC until they get this little man and have him for a while. They are quite nervous about how they are going to go, like all first time parents.
I completely agree with you about PC becoming more of an option for people. They are quite young in the eyes of adoption (both just turned 25) because apparantely they haven't been infertile for long enough or gone through fertility treatments (we knew my sister was never ever going to be able to have since she was about 10 as it is physically impossible for her to carry a child) and becuase of her medical history (had cancer twice) she is ruled out of so many countries. They gave up in the end and opted for PC after heaps of research and attending information sessions. The PC organisation welcomed them with open arms and have been absolutely amazing with them. They have supported them every step of the way and answering their hundreds and hundreds of questions. She can't speak highly enough of the team they are allocated to.

Sorry for hijacking lil-chookie.

[lil_chookie]

Dan, please hi-jack away!! This is exactly what I wanted a discussion about permanent care, I can't get one happening anywhere! All the permanent care parents & others involved in someway with permanent care are hiding

If I could just ask a question too.......how long did they wait for placement? I have heard a range of different answers to this and most of the couples were 10 + years older than us, so I am just interested to know if a younger couple is waiting the same amount of time for a match.

We actually entered the program for a specific child (4 yr old boy) but due to the length of time processes take with the department, it does not look like this placement will be happening for us as he needs to be placed soon. He was very behind in development before entering fostercare (our family knows the foster family).......but he has really caught up. A repeat year of kinder and he will be ready for school.

While we would loooooove to welcome this little man into our home, we know there are lot's of other children waiting for placement. So we will just keep on doing what we have to do until we get there

[MantaRay]

LC, I think this is an amazing thing for a couple to do, and I wish you all the best with it. I hope to hear some good news from you!

[Liviam]

I'm not sure if it makes a difference to waiting times or not but my sister lives in NSW. From memory the whole process has only taken a few months (I'm think 2 to 3) as they were rushed through. It took them a while to decide on what type of care they wanted to do. They opted for long term permament care so they weren't sure they could handle the emergency/critical care. They wanted to be able to provide stability in the kids life.
The actual process of him being switched over into their care permamently starts tomorrow (WOOHOO!!!) and he will be living with them within 4 weeks. It would have been sooner but he has to has an operation the first week of June and they want sister and BIL to have a few weeks of physio with his current short term carer so that everyone is comfortable before the full move.
There are some things which have disappointed them a little bit. Like BIL isn't allowed to bath him, they aren't allowed to bring him into their bed for morning cuddles and they aren't allowed to be called mum and dad or any forms of them. While I totally understand that these need to be in place to protect the children in placement but it's a bit sad that they all miss out on these things. This boys parents have given up all rights to him and they have no contact with him at all so he will be with my sister and BIL until he chooses to move out when he's an adult so they will be all he knows as parents.

What type of care are you and DH looking into lil_chookie??

[lil_chookie]

NSW & VIc are different, their Permanent Care sounds more like long term fostering. But I am surprised at the restrictions placed on them when the little one is placed in their care permanently. Especially your BIL not being able to bath him......that breaks my heart. One of the hardest parts of going through this process (after you have accepted you will not have a baby of your own) is to be viewed as someone who will hurt a child........and to them have that continue after you have been assessed and approved......hard stuff.

It took us about 3 months to be assessed and approved as foster parents, this process we are going through now is different. It's a longer & more intense process. But at the end of it, we will be a mum & dad (and called that if that is what the child wants). I will add a link in here that explains all kinds of questions about Permanent Care for anyone that is interested (hope it is okay to post the link, I haven't been on here lately so I am not up with the rules!):


Permanent care: Adoption and Permanent Care

The first 2 years DHS will have to give approval for anything that a Guardian would, but after the Permanent Care order is passed, it will be us.

[Liviam]

I just had to pop and share. I've just seen the very first photo of my sister, BIL and their little man . They look so incredibly happy plus I'm an aunty again!!!!! I've got tears flooding everywhere, LOL!!

I honestly didn't realise how involve and indepth this process is for couples going through it. You must be so incredbly strong as I don't think I could go through it. You are amazing! I'm off to check out the website you posted.

[lil_chookie]

Dan - I feel soooo happy for your sister! What a great great great day for her & your BIL. And congratualtions on being an Aunty again

I guess you do have to be strong to get through this process, knowing that you are going to give a little person something in life that everyone deserves but they just have not had, a family is a driving force........but I also think Infertility & Long Term IVF disappointment helps you learn ALOT about yourself & gives you strength that you need to get there.

[mrscricket]

Lil Chookie - just wanted to say congratulations on your brave step of entering the world of PC! I truly hope you get your little man because you sound like you'd be a wonderful influence on his life. My parents currently have 3 children in their permanent care and they call them mum & dad, and also have our surname as well. It's great to hear of someone young wanting to take on children - my parents are in their 60's (although you'd never know, they are 'young oldies' ).
Congratulations to your sister Dan!

[dusty]

I guess you do have to be strong to get through this process, knowing that you are going to give a little person something in life that everyone deserves but they just have not had, a family is a driving force........but I also think Infertility & Long Term IVF disappointment helps you learn ALOT about yourself & gives you strength that you need to get there.

You are a wise woman hun and are going to be an amazing mum. I also think relationships that survive the infertility rollercoaster bode well for PC and adoption.

Dan, thanks for sharing your family's news! How exciting.

LC I hope that this thread becomes a more permanent discussion about PC in Australia.

As I understand it currently VIC and ACT have a similar approach to ensuring that children removed from their families are not kept in uncertain limbo for more than 2 years and that they must be placed permanently if they are not able to return to their families. I think, but hopefully someone can tell us, NSW is planning to move to this system soon.

Many people get confused between fostering and PC but PC is much more closely aligned with adoption, as children and families enter into what is hoped to be a life long relationship.

MrsCricket, that is such a heartening story about your parents hun. Thanks for sharing.

[lil_chookie]

Got through nearly half of the questions for my life story over the weekend........13 pages in already. There isn't much they don't want to know, I almost have to remember what I had breakfast on October 3rd when I was 3 years old! LOL. 13 pages seems like a lot so far, but I find myself wondering if the 20 pages I think it will end up being is enough?

[dusty]

I wrote in here a couple of days ago, but it has disappeared

Great to hear how it is going LC. I have a family member in A&PC and she reckons the life story is such a fantastic part of the process. It will be wonderful to have your story to tell your child one day. A special story you wrote just for them. Did you know that the children also have a life story that the social workers write for them that comes with them when they are put into PC? It is a very important part of them from what I understand.

[Liviam]

Oh I thought you were being funny Lil-chookie about them wanting to know your life story. Now I understand, gee I'm slow some days. What a fantastic idea writing the story of how they came into your life. Such an amazing momento just for them. Is it also kinda a debrief for youa nd DH too?
If we have a baby up for adoption in the nursery at work we take photos of everything and write in a journal every shift for the adoptive parents to have so they can see all the firsts. We even do a mock set up of them being weighed and measured.