CelticMoon, Having just read my post back, I wanted to say that although I may sound a little harsh I simply wanted to provide some food for thought if you're going to adopt a child.
I am an adoptee, and I have just reunited with my birthmother. There are many hardships and issues an adopted child will face in their lifetime. Being removed from their blood families is the biggest one. Growing up as a child who was abandoned or given away is not an easy thing to accept. Growing up with people who are so different to you that you never feel you fit in. These are just a few of the many things some adoptees experience. Happy to elaborate if you need! Anyway, sorry if I sound harsh, Im not directing it to you personally - i'm just very passionate about this issue as you will discover! x
I was talking to a friend of mine before and they thought it was selfish to adopt because I am able to have children. I don't think the issue is if you're selfish or not. Its plainly obvious you're not a selfish person. However ADOPTING A CHILD SHOULD NOT BE ABOUT YOU. It should be about the child and what is best for that child. [B]
I want my own kids but I have always wanted to adopt (once I have a job, house etc) to give someone else a loving home of whatever age. I know foster care is also available but I think I would be too attached and be too upset when they had to leave..
In a perfect world, children should live and grow up with their genetic families. It is the best case scenario, for the well being of the child. Unless of course circumstances are not so perfect, and harm or danger could come to the child - in which case fostering or adoption is another option.
If you think that it would be hard for YOU to GIVE UP a foster child - imagine how an ADOPTED CHILD FEELS - being ripped from every trace of their family and their history. Even a baby senses that loss and as they grow up it can manifest in different ways. Trust me, there is much more genetics carried down than I ever thought would be.
They said there are a shortage of children for people to adopt and adoption should be left for those who aren't able to have children and it's selfish of me to want to take that away from a couple who can't have kids.
Shortage of children for people to adopt. This is a good thing right - children are being kept in their families because of more support. IT IS A GOOD THING.
AGAIN, ITS NOT ABOUT THE PARENTS WHO CAN'T HAVE KIDS, LEAVING THE CHILDREN FOR THEM... ITS NOT ABOUT PARENTS. ITS ABOUT THE CHILD.
I never saw it as taking parenthood away from someone but as giving a child a loving environment to grow up in. Is it wrong for me to hope to one day adopt even though I can have kids? Is there that much of a shortage of children that I would be destroying someone elses dreams of parenthood?
SHORTAGE OF CHILDREN. THAT STATEMENT KIND OF MAKES ME ANGRY, BECAUSE IT INSINUATES WE'RE A COMMODITY. WE ARE NOT. WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS. WE'RE INNOCENT LITTLE CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN ABANDONED.
I also think this question should be asked: If you had the opportunity to adopt a child, or help that child be with its biological family - what would you choose? If you choose biological family - you have made the decision for the best interests of the child. If you choose to adopt, you need to dig deeper into the reasons why you want to do it.
Many people like to 'nice up' adoption but the truth is its painful, hurtful and hard to take - being a child who was abandoned at birth. I did have a great life however, and I had a wonderful adopted family but the fact remains that it's been a really hard path to take in life - one that I had no choice in.
I hope I didn't sound like a bitter angry adoptee!!!
It's very common for adoptee's to be a bit sensitive to wording used when talking about adoption. Especially in the wake of the 'celebrity adoption' phenomenon, and how the media etc. phrase things.
If someone does adopt a child, open adoption is really important IMHO.
Having access to information, and also not being made to feel 'guilty' for wanting to know that information. For aparents not to feel threatened by their child wanting to search, but to support and give them understanding.
The child may or may not want to know their history. That should be a decision the child makes. To actively and openly be able to discuss the issues with their child, they will help them immensely. A big thing for me was to feel unconditional love by my aparents, they were awesome. They were always honest and open about my adoption and I feel that this gave me a grounded perspective. I felt I could approach my parents to talk about my feelings and not made to feel like anything was a secret, or shameful.
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