Hi Lulu - playdate meltdowns have happened during the playdate but mostly after it. DS is pretty good at keeping it together until he's alone with us and then the wheels fall off. Basically there could be crying, screaming, frantic running and smashing into things, sometimes he would just run away and hide in his room.
What your describing sounds like what happens to DS if we turn up unexpectedly or he isn't ready to leave yet
We have only done a few play dates at other peoples houses and we have always stayed and as soon as I see him getting uptight we give him the warning that we are leaving - 10 min, 5, 2, 1 and go. We have also found when I leave him at OT sometimes we do the clock thing - when the big hand is here and here I will be back and we will go home. That helps a lot.
As for his good behaviour at Kindy - DS is brilliant at school, most times. He thrives on the routine of school and is a sponge when it comes to factual information. All of his teachers love his enthusiasm in class discussions.
He too talks incessently. if he is awake then he is talking. He talks over the top of most people and basically turns most conversations around to what he is interested in (pokemon/digemon/Ben 10 etc) The talking drives me nuts some days - the only time he stops is when he plays DS or playstation.
Behaviour wise - we have struggled with this in the past. Consequences have had no impact except we did find that if we threatened to throw his toys in the bin he would react but would usually end in a very long meltdown but at least he would realise it was the wrong thing to do. Now we try and focus on what is driving the behaviour; is it sensory seeking, frustration, inability to communicate, disruption to routine, overstimulated and we deal with that. Now we rarely have a behaviour problem that doesn't come from an underlying issue which has been a huge jump for us from this unbelievably uncontrollable child to a brilliant child who has difficulty processing information from his surroundings and communicating his needs.
we use wheat bags for weight and he also has a body sock ( a big lycra bag) which he uses when he is feeling frustrated. Before this we used his doona and he used to crawl around in his doona after a meltdown cause he didn't want anyone to see him.
My DH has an uncanny ability to set DS off - basically he isn't as careful about the routines, rituals and DS also went through a period where everytime DH spoke to him he would scream at him cause he didn't like his voice.
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