Registered User
It doesnt bother her when she looses a toy coz she destroys them anyway, I feel bad for punishing her full stop its like im just making her more angry when she cant help it in the 1st place.
Im at a loss im finding it hard to deal with I thought it was all gonna be ok coz its not like I havnt known there is something there all these years but now i have something to go buy I am just lost
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
It wont help now but have you in the past asked Moni what she thinks is a decent punishment? She might feel part of the process that way, even at her age.
Maybe things like "making it right' would be better value to her than punishment - eg helping her sibling clean the bedroom..ummm taking the bins out? Then it can be over - she doesn't get away with things and you do't suffer more than she does...
Registered User
They do clean their room, they cant take the bins out we have a skip but thanks for your suggestions I appreciate it.
I try talking to her when she calms down and she agrees...until the next meltdown
BellyBelly Member
Getting on BB is also the right thing to do - great distraction.
Remind yourself that she is not directing the tantrum at you. She is feeling frustrated and disappointed about basketball tonight and needs to express that and that's all this is ... an overload of emotions.
Maybe when she is calm again, you can talk to her about how she is feeling and a more appropriate way for her to express it. You could talk to her about having a tennis ball to bounce against a wall continuously, some kids like a hair tie around their wrist that they can flick or a stress ball in their pocket to squeese. The repetitiveness of these activities can be really useful for calming kids down and keeping their hands busy. Practice with her when she is calm. "When you feel like this you can ..." Ask her what she would like to try ... some kids like lego as well because being able to build is really useful for using energy mentally and physically.
Talk to her about a cool down area in your house that she can go to with pillows in a nice quiet corner where no-one will bother and she can have some special items in that place. Practice with her using her cool down area or one of the other stress things while she is calm. Then you can gently suggest those places when she is starting to get a bit worked up ... you look a bit upset to me, would you like to go to cool down?
Work with her on identifying times when she is feeling angry. Talk about how her body reacts so she can start to recognise the signs. Start with easy ones like feeling happy or feeling sad and then move more into angry. Help her to describe what her face is doing, what her body is doing, what her hands and feet are doing when she is feeling different emotions. Go through them one at a time and not all at once. Have plenty of conversations with her about it and don't expect her to understand all at once. Talk to her about yourself as well. "I am feeling a bit sad at the moment. I know I am feeling sad because I want to cry. There are tears on my face etc etc" That kind of thing. Helping her to identify her emotions will help her to start to recognise when she needs to use cool down or some other strategy to help her calm down. It may take a while for her to get the hang of but if she does it can be very powerful.
I don't have kids with special needs. I was a special ed teacher for a little bit and these are some of the strategies we tried so feel free to ignore any advice I have because I don't know what it is like to have the emotional attachment and to live with a child with a disability. Not all strategies work on all kids and nothing will work first time every time without fail, but they are things you can keep in your tool kit and try out and see if they work for you.
Well, I hope something that I said in there was useful to you.I can't imagine it is easy but you do need to take care of you and having a glass of wine and a chat on BB is a good way to calm yourself and take a few deep breaths. We have all been there with our own kids at some point. I take a walk out to the letter box sometimes as well. Fresh air and sunlight can also do wonders.
Good luck
Registered User
just me- Thank you so much, Im going to make her that corner, everything you said is fantastic
and thanks all of you for helping me through this
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