Surname dilemma

[bec293]

I've got my bubs first name sorted, but something I didn't think about until tonight when someone asked me is what I'll do about baby's surname.

My babies father is not going to have anything to do with bub, he lives overseas and there is no relationship at all and probably never will be. So bub will not have his fathers name.

So naturally I decided bub will have my name, but the problem I have is that I currently have my ex-husbands surname - we separated a couple of years ago and the divorce just went through earlier this year. My XH is not the father of my baby, so I think it would be a bit weird to give my baby his families name.

Any suggestions? I want to have the same surname as my baby, but do you think it'd be right if I gave my bub my XH's name, or should I change my name back to my maiden name and give bub that one?

[Tinks]

Maybe change your name back and give the baby your maiden name.

[feeb]

I would change name back and give baby your maiden name.

Do you really want to have ex surnames anyway still??

good luck

[Visitor7]

If you're divorced, then 'usually' you go back to your maiden name. And you certainly wouldn't be naming your child after a total stranger (to the child). IMO anyway.

[Serendypyty]

I agree, use your maiden name and give your bub the same surname. It would only be fitting

[bec293]

oops I just wrote out a reply and lost it..

thanks girls, and no, if I wasn't having a baby I wouldn't be considering changing my name back. XH and I are on good terms (it wasn't a messy breakup), even if I don't see him anymore. And I wouldn't have changed it because I like it, it's a much nicer name than my maiden name (one of those names that have to be spelled every time you say it), and it's such a pain to change names. But there is no family connection there for bub so it doesn't mean anything.

[*Ash*]

Hi Bec,

Only you can know what is right for you and your bub. But here are some questions to ponder:

If you weren't having a baby would you be considering going back to your birth (ie. maiden) name? Or are you only considering it because you are having a baby? Does your 'current' surname feel like your name? Do you feel comfortable using it? Do you feel sentimental about your birth surname?

FWIW, if I was in your situation I would most likely revert to my family name and use that for my bub. Your bub has no family connection to your XH and his surname, so I would not feel inclined to use the name for my bub.

Good luck with your decision.

[Bathsheba]

I agree with the girls here; return to your maiden name and give bubs that surname. It would be very confusing to give bubs your ex's surname and imagine if you remarry... Bubs will still have this lingering name that isn't even the father. I think your maiden name is safest... But that's just my thoughts remember

[Bathsheba]

I'm fairly sure that if you have enough documents such as your birth certificate, high school certificate, tertiary graduation degree etc in your maiden name then you can simply decide to revert to using it. But I'm not 100% certain... Let me ask DH... Ok, yes that's what he believes to be true (he works for a bank). He doesn't believe you have to do it via Deed Poll or similar.