Both my parents smoke, only outside in their designated smoking corner though. They always brush their teeth and change their shirts afterwards without me asking.
You are not being unreasonable. I insisted that everyone wash their hands regardless when touching my newborns - it was only once they started moving about and crawling and picking up goodness knows what off the floor that I let that rule lift.
No one smokes in my home. I don't care who you are it is not allowed - no, not even in the backyard. If you can't visit me for a few hours without lighting up then don't bother coming over. My children's (and my) health is far more important to me than your habit.
I have the same ongoing issue with my MIL. Bottom line is, we don't visit her home as she refuses to smoke outside. She was more than a little put out when I politely asked her to do so when we visited! I got a huge lecture about it being HER home and it was her right to do whatever the heck she pleases in HER home and how dare I suggest otherwise. So now, if she wants to see my children she comes here. I have made it ever so clear that this is MY home and she will abide by MY rules in MY home, particularly when it comes to the well being of MY children.
Good luck, it's a tricky one but definitely a battle worth having.
hmm FIL smokes. But always goes out the front & sits down on the box thingy that is near the road. I have never thought of telling him he can not smoke when visiting my home, inside or out. He would just go further down the road if I did though. But I hate that he then comes in with the stink on him. I complained once & he replied with a smart comment about me being his mother.. I replied (bluntly) that No I was not, but you are in my home stinking up my furniture when you sit!
Just tell her that it isn't acceptable behaviour and you will not accept it - and you will not visit her until you can see that she will abide by your rules about smoking near your children.
It may not be easy for you, but TBH what's the worst that can happen? She ignores you completely? So your children are not around smoke, nor around someone who shows them that it's OK to ignore what Mummy wants.
How can anyone smoke in their home? Yuk! And I used to be a smoker!
My DH smokes and I am always nagging him about it. Even after he comes inside the smell just floods the whole house for ages. He is not allowed in bed if he hasn't showered because the smell sticks to the sheets, it makes me gag. We have spoken about when this baby is born and I have already told him that he may as well quit because he will never be holding his own child. mean , but I need to get the msg across. So I came home the other night with a box of nicotine patches. FX it works, he wants to give up too.
I would just be as stubborn as possible, without making a big deal. Just simple orders like "no, you've had a smoke" when she wants a hold etc.
You are not being unreasonable at all. We had similar rules when DD1 was born. Unfortunately my Dad couldn't accept them and saw them as a personal attack on him (apparently by changing his short often smoking and washing his hands we were trying to make him into a 'fake' person). In the end he decided not to be a part of our lives anymore (yep, he felt that strongly about it.....). Stick with your instincts. They are your kids and you choose how you want them to be parented.
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