2 Years Apart ~ when does is REALLY get easier?

[Tinks]

I had my kids 18mths apart. I know exactly how yu feel. It's so much hard work isn't it.

To be honest it got better for me once the eldest one started Kinder. They're 10 & 12 now and still fight like cat and dog but it's NOTHING compared to having 2 toddlers.

Are you able to have them in child care once a week for your own sanity? I found that having 1 day a week 'off' helped me deal with them better.

[Liz]

Sloooooowly getting better here as DD starts to play better. Still dealing with 3yr old "no that's mine", "go away" and the hitting & spitting! Oh my goodness! LOL (all this from DS) but the nice playing is increasing over time Still got to go through this stage with DD yet so that will change the dynamic again once she starts standing up for herself LOL.. but definitely they will start interacting better soon.

I will say he is only like this with his sister! Plays better with other kids and behaves better for other adults.. *sigh* Hoping it's just a testosterone surge making him feel the need to be the alpha male around us girls LOL.

[CrazyLady]

I'm rethinking the next conception plan after reading that!

[Matryoshka]

Yep, at this stage i recommend this age gap to NO ONE! I saw DS1 with a baby and he said "what a cute baby" and i was thinking maybe 3 years would have been a better gap. I realise every age gap has its challenges, but any other age gap just seems more appealing at this point.

[Liz]

hehe... I still do like this age gap (19mths). I haven't really had nightmare shopping trips or anything, certainly have challenging days, but figure that happens whatever the age gap. I'm out and about with my two by myself a lot and they're good. It's more the fighting at home that gets to me.. but as I said that's improving as kayla interacts more. She's an obedient follower at the moment so DS is in his element leading the games. They've recently started really inviting each other to play, and making sure the other has some of whatever is on offer (thinking of this afternoon at nanna's when she produced some lollies and DS got all excited and ran up to Kayla.. do you want a lolly? can kayla have a lolly? LOL)

I try to keep faith that they WILL continue to like each other more ... no point despairing LOL.. altho some days I could just walk away!!

[LionsandBears]

Wow I certainly hope things get better for you

Thanks for the insight. I've always thought a 2 year age gap was the ideal. Does a bigger/smaller age gap make much of a difference? And is it the age gap or the differing personalities that makes the difference?

[PlonkeeMumma]

Have to admit that i still love the age gap of 18 months between my oldest 2. It is hard at the start but is so easy now (well would be if i didn't have #3!). I think it would have gotten easier around a year ago (like i said, if i didn't have 3) because the older 2 play together so well for hours on end and entertain each other, but then they did do that from when #2 was about 18 months old so maybe i was just lucky. They do have off days where they fight all day then it's bl**dy awful but mostly fine.
Hope it gets easier for you soon
Julie x

[PlonkeeMumma]

oh, just realised who you are - nice new name! i know your lovely pair are very full on but hopefully soon things will improve
hugs
Julie xxxx

[Matryoshka]

Thanks Julie! I shouldn't complain, i do get compliments on them all the time, just tend to forget those in liew of the bad days!

I have thought about daycare but was thinking on a wednesday for my older one so i can spend some quality time with the baby and catch up on housework. But i'm still in two minds about daycare. Plus again, my stubborness, i feel like i should be able to manage without having to outsource

[Matryoshka]

See the differing personalities played a role in our initial decision. Our first son was (and still is) very placid, compared to our second he was so easy to look after as a baby. He rarely cried, and was just very low maintenance. Our second was a shock to the system! Cried for months due to various health issues, crying is really stressful when its not something you're used to. I thought tandem breastfeeding would be a great way for them to integrate and for my toddler (then 2) to feel included. It was so difficult and i had to stop after 7 months, again more reasons than just the logistics of tandem feeding.
As i started to see Ds2's personality emerge it was clear they were like night and day! Ds1 would only ever sleep with us, so we co-slept for 2 years. He was a pleasure to BF, whereas DS2 wasn't, again, health issues for both of us and no support made for a difficult BF experience. Weaned at 7 months and he was so much better on formula, whereas DS1 was BF for 2 years & 8 months. DS2 is so active, we've had to childproof so much stuff we didn't have to with DS1.... things he would never have touched my second is right in to. It's weird! Also DS2 would never co-sleep! he would muck around until we put him in the cot and then go right to sleep. I bonded with my first via BF & co-sleeping, I've had to see that i can bond in other ways with my second with whom we needed to do things differently.

So it was going by DS1 personalit that we thought all babies were like that, so we thought having 2 wouldn't be too difficult but it really has been. I had no idea that i could have another baby and it be so different from my first!

[~Raven~]

To be honest it got better for me once the eldest one started Kinder. They're 10 & 12 now and still fight like cat and dog but it's NOTHING compared to having 2 toddlers.

Even when they're older you can have a BAD day! Though being older they are more inclined to listen to reason, it can be more frustrating because you know they can but they don't


Totally OT Tan, but I couldn't go past this bit without saying something

(lollies in our house are small pieces of dried apricots )

Check your packets of dried apricots for preservative 220 or sulphur dioxide. It's a baddie! Seeing as you've made a lot of effort to eliminate annato then this could also be causing an issue. I know it does for me! It gives me asthma and makes my heart beat out of my chest.

[Matryoshka]

Thanks Lorirae, that's a lovely thing to say

Sammi, yep we are failsafe so no nasties here! you can some buy sulphur free dried fruits in the health food aisle, they taste so much better too, and the sultanas are softer and less munted.

[LMS]

oh holey crap, im 28 weeks pregnant with my 2nd and DD is 18 months old.
Positives someone PLEEEEEEEASE!

[Liz]

Like I said earlier Kanda.. my two have been pretty good. We are out and about a lot, just me & them It's just the usual sibling rivalry at home that's a pain.. but you know what.. I reckon you'd have that whatever the age gap LOL. Mine are really starting to play really well together.. it seems to be getting better every day now. Once they're tired and irritable they fight & carry on, but I don't think I'll ever regret the 19mth age gap

[Arimeh]

Some days are damn hard I do admit!!!!! Mine are 19 months apart, and then I'll have around 15 months between DD and the new baby.... soooo... should be interesting!! haha!!

I think I'll be doing shopping trips by myself for a while

[Liz]

Yeah - kanda - look for work arounds eg.. if shopping is hard, do online shopping. Find a petrol station with pay at the pump so you're not juggling kids to go in and pay. Can't think of other examples at the moment..but I'm sure you get my drift

[Phteven]

Kanda, my boys have 16 months between them and they play together really well.
I've taken them out a lot since day dot and since they know all the rountines and rules nine times out of ten we go the shops ect without dramas. I don't try to do a big weekly shop, we go to the shops and do a small shop about 5 days a week.
Every now and then they have a squabble but they're best buddies again a few minutes later.
My favourite part is eavesdropping on their conversations - they're so funny!! DH and I have to stifle our giggles or we get told off because "it's not nice to laugh at people" pmsl.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Mine are going to be 14-15mths apart (depends if #2 waits)... what am i doing???? lol