6 Weeks Old...

[MummaSue]

I posted the other day about self settling and to be honest, I'm not going to try until she is around a year old I think.

Sue xxx

[onthefly]

My personal theory is that some babies do it, some don't (or at least, not till they're older). It's kinda pot luck and you can't really 'teach' it - it's a developmental step that children take when they're ready. Sometimes there are things you can do to help them along if they're ready, but if they're not then you just have to wait. Most 6-week olds still need lots of help to sleep, so I really wouldn't worry about it at this point. It's quite possible that in the next few months he will start doing it of his own accord - the best you can do in the meantime is do whatever helps him most (and makes things easiest for you).
The short answer I suppose, is that it just depends on the child

[CoNNiE_Melb]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH Why wont this kid sleep in his cradle at night?

Even if he falls asleep on us and we put him in, he is crying within 30 minutes!!

During the day he sleeps in there... we have a night light, noise etc...

[Swoop]

Huge for you Connie, the first few weeks are really hard, especially the middle of the night when your body is still adjusting to your new (lack of) sleep schedule. You are doing a fantastic job!

Please please be reassured that it does get much better in time, my DD is 1 in a couple of days, and I tell DH that I have the best job in the world looking after her, but I certainly didn't feel that in the beginning. My LO was also one of those who hated to be put down, she was one of those babies who really needed her 4th trimester! It sounds like your little lad is similar, probably even more so from being born early.

With DD everything made her unhappy, other than snuggling on me or DH. At the time I spent ages trying to get her used to being in the bassinet/her chair/her bath etc. but if I had my time again I'd leave all that and just snuggle her like she always wanted. We had a sling that DH would have her in which worked wonders, but I didn't get on with it, so when I bought a carrier at about 8 weeks it felt like such a lifesaver - I could carry DD right next to me, where she wanted to be, and still use my hands.

Have you considered taking you little guy to bed with you? He might be a lot happier and you could get some more sleep that way too. Are you b/f him? Learning to feed lying down is a really useful one!

Have you read any Pinky McKay books? For me, they were life changing. I felt overwhelmed in the beginning by all the things I *should* be doing according to all these books and what everyone tells you. Pinky has some lovely gentle ideas to help baby settle, but above all, for me, her books gave me the confidence to go with my instincts and do what felt right with my precious little bundle instead of trying to conform to all the shoulds. I don't think I've opened any of those other books since.

Be rest assured, there are plenty of others up with you right now. BB is great for keeping you company in the wee hours... if DD is sleeping in her cot and I need to be upright and awake to feed her, I browse BB on my phone to keep me awake things always feel better in the morning too.

Hope you're getting some rest now and well done, you are a fantastic mummy, otherwise you wouldn't have been here trying to work things out.

[Asparagus and Lemons]

we can sometimes get dd to self settle, but only at night because she knows what's going on there, she refuses to self settle during the day. And I don't let her cry longer than 10 seconds! This haas been going since week 10

[ShootingStar]

Just wondering re you having problems putting him in his bed at night.. is it still a bit cold there at night? I know it is here! but in the colder months my kids were the same and we use to place a warm water bottle in their bed and took it out before we put them in. Putting them down in the cold sheets would wake them.

Re the self settling it was different with each child. DS didnt self settle until he was well over 6 months.. he just wanted to be held the whole time.. whereas DD self settled from the day she was home, she didnt want to be held. So i guess its just trial and error. Try putting him in his cradle when hes almost asleep and then rock the cradle or tap him until he falls asleep. If he wakes crying and wont calm down, pick him back up and do your usual settling until hes almost asleep and try it all again. Best of luck.

[sloane]

My personal theory is that some babies do it, some don't (or at least, not till they're older). It's kinda pot luck and you can't really 'teach' it - it's a developmental step that children take when they're ready. Sometimes there are things you can do to help them along if they're ready, but if they're not then you just have to wait. Most 6-week olds still need lots of help to sleep, so I really wouldn't worry about it at this point. It's quite possible that in the next few months he will start doing it of his own accord - the best you can do in the meantime is do whatever helps him most (and makes things easiest for you).
The short answer I suppose, is that it just depends on the child

:yeahthat:

tbh, my DS wasn't anywhere near ready for anything other than feeding to sleep until he was over 10 months old. he's still not ready to self settle but has progressed to just needing you there. i def believe that if they're not ready, there's not much you can do (without causing them distress). i also think alot comes down to personality.

i also found that where DS wanted to sleep was changeable until he hit about 6 months. for a while he loved his pram bassinet, then he just wanted to be held, then sleep on our bed etc. so i think he sounds like a very normal 6 week old and it does get better & a lot easier

[CoNNiE_Melb]

Shooting star - I've been thinking about whether he's getting cold during the night... It is still very cold here.
If I can keep my eyes open long enough I may head out to grab a grobag today to try that. Does anyone use these? Do you really use them without blankets? That seems weird to me...

Ok... obviously self settling is stretching it at this age - but I thought that I would at least be able to go over and rock or pat him back to sleep. But that does not work in any way, he just goes crazy. I'm not keen on taking him to bed with us because I want DH to get some decent sleep (not that he is because G is crying so loudly he wakes him). At this point to settling him, I have been lying on the couch with him. After about 30 minutes I put him into his cradle and he is awake within 15 minutes again. As a result... I am always turned 'on' and cant get any rest.

The temperature in the room is a real possibility... I know during the night I have had 2 blankets on me in there and still been a bit cold - silly mummy... what more of a sign do you need?

It may not solve all the problems, but it could help.

[Swoop]

We use grobags - they're excellent! We don't use them with blankets, just layer up with more clothes and use the warmest grobag on cold nights.

That's just made me think though... Are you swaddling your bub? If not it might be worth a try as that can really help with settling. If you're concerned about the temperature you can add an extra layer of clothing under the swaddling, or put a blanket over the top. I didn't use one but have heard many people rave about the woombie, that might be a better investment than a grobag for such a little 'un.

I also thought after I posted... Have you tried a white noise cd? It worked well for us...

[CoNNiE_Melb]

They say to just put 1 long sleeve suit under the warmest bag, but that doesnt seem like enough to me. And I get worried about his little hands being cold.

I tried swaddling, but he is one of those bubs that hates it! He used to spend so much time and energy trying to get his arms out so we gave up on it. He is much happier now with his arms out...

At 8am this morning DH fed him, and then put him into his cradle wide awake because he had to go to work. It's now 11:15 and G is still sleeping. He put himself to sleep... so he is definitely capable.

[delphmoon]

My DD sometimes sleeps with her hands spread out so I put her to sleep in the jumpsuits with the inbuilt mittens....

Its such a difficult time hey...

[Miss.B]

Connie, I've only started to use the growbag about 2 months ago and DS loves it. I too think it's too cold to just use the growbag over a long sleeve wondersuit, so I put a blankie or two over it. I have the bonds 'winter' growbag, it's excellent. Oh, and we got ourselves a grow egg to read the temperature in his room (he's only been in his room overnight since 3 weeks ago, he used to sleep in a cradle in our bedroom). I have an oil heater in his room so I always set it to about 21-22 degrees. I know you're supposed to have bubs sleeping between 18-20 degrees but that seems too clod to me.... My DS hated being wrapped right from the beginning so that's why the growbag is an excellent idea. I always used to put 2 or 3 on him when he slept until I got the growbag. If you're worried about his hands being cold (my DS's hands are cold sometimes too) you can always put mittens on them. Remember, just because his hands are cold doesn't mean he is cold.

[onthefly]

Connie, when it's hard and nothign you're trying seems to work, go back to whatever is easiest and surefire - even if it's something you don't want to do long term like co-sleeping. You'll find that once he gets some decent sleep, settling will be easier, so you can stop the co-sleeping (or whatever else you do to survive) at that point.

[CoNNiE_Melb]

Just an update on this.... last night DS self settled - TWICE! And then again this morning.

He slept all the way through to 10 minutes before his next feed and was half awake when we put him down.

At 12:30am he took 20 minutes to fall asleep. In that time, he cried out on 4 seperate occassions, each for 5-10 seconds each and then he would quietened down again. We decided to just let him go and see what happens. He ended up sleeping all the way till 3:30am.
At 4:30am he took 10 minutes to fall asleep - same as before, but he only cried out twice. He slept all the way till 7am.
At 8am daddy put him into bed fully awake, so just lied in his cradle for about an hour, looking around. Then he slept till 11am!!

Changes we made:

- Sleeping bag - we had him in a long sleeve suit, plus a sleeping bag, and 2 light blankets
- Soft Blankets under bed sheet - in order to create more of a nest for him, we put some blankets under his sheet so he sunk into them a little, but not enough to risk suffocation
- Heat Pack - before I put him into his cradle at 8pm, I put a heat pack in there for a little

I'm not sure which of these worked, but I dont really care... he finally got to sleep in his cradle and we didnt have to wake up and hold him or co-sleep once through the night.

Fingers crossed it wasnt a one off!!

Thank you for all the advice ladies - it really helped to get me to open my mind to new ideas and trial and error.

[MummaSue]

YAY!! Clever little man xxxx

[ShootingStar]

Thats great to hear! Sounds like hes starting to get there.
I always used blankets with the grobags.. even though they say not to. I think its just so they dont overheat. But in times like summer, when id put my kids to bed it would still be really warm, but come night time it would get cold so id put a blanket on them before i went to bed. Its the same now. It gets colder at night, so in order to comply with their guide, they would be sweating when you put them to bed to start with.

Hope he keeps it up and keeps getting better for you

[Miss.B]

Yay Connie!!! So happy for you, your DH and your little guy. Sounds like you're definitely on the right track. Just remember, it is really trial and error, so keep trying different things if he changes again, you will find one that works. They like to keep you on your toes that's for sure!! lol.

[NaeNae]

Hey COnnie,

SO glad things are starting to settle down for you, I remember so clearly the first 6 weeks and they were hell believe me I couldn't work out why people went back for seconds, thirds etc I can tell you though to try to relax if you're anxious bub will pick up on that so try to be calm and hey whatever works do that!!. Sending you massive hugs and also just a heads up ... when you think they are finally in a routine, they'll change glad to hear everythign has started to settle down for you