Advice - toddler getting out of bed at night

[OceanPrincess]

We started having dramas around 18mths when she realised she could get out of bed on her own, once she was asleep she was ok. So we implemented "The Rule" and that got her used to staying in bed.

Since then, she has been pretty good but has just recently discovered she can open her own door, so now she thinks its good fun to get up and open the door and come for a nightly visit, so I'm having to revisit "The Rule" again to try and combat this new problem. It is working so far...

Ok here is what we did.

Worked out some sort of reward/treat that would motivate her. For us, it was being able to watch one episode of Dora or Hi-5 when she woke up. Then we told her we had a new rule for bedtime - "Stay in bed and stay quiet". So we explained that when mummy or daddy says its time for sleeping, she has to stay in bed and stay quiet. That's the rule. (The word "rule" is important apparently.)

If she stays in bed and stays quiet, she can watch TV when she wakes up. If she doesn't, no TV. Simple as that.

For her day sleep, we just tell her its time for sleeping, stay in bed stay quiet. We don't say til a certain time or whatever.

For nights, we are using a Gro clock similar to Olive's (I stole the idea off Olive myself ) so our bedtime routine is now as follows:
- Night nappy on, in her bedroom
- Two books while she's having her milk, in bed, with daddy
- Goodnight kiss and cuddle from mummy
- Last cuddle from daddy
- Say goodnight to the sun (the Gro clock has a function where the sun winks and yawns and goes to sleep, to be replaced by a sleeping star)
- Ask DD what the rule is? Stay in bed stay quiet - until the sun comes up.
- Say goodnight, walk out.

Our clock comes on at 7am - the sun wakes up again so she knows its time to get up.

When we first started the rule, it was a big adjustment. We had to walk back in, put her back in bed, remind her "What's the rule?" and wait for her to say "Stay in bed and stay quiet!" And remind her she could watch TV if she stayed in bed and stayed quiet.

The first few times - took maybe a week or so - we would go back in maybe twice and on the third time I would say "Last chance - stay in bed and stay quiet. If mummy has to come back in one more time, no TV in the morning." And to begin with, she'd get up again and then I'd have to follow through in the morning with no TV. I'd go back in, tell her she's broken the rule, no TV in the morning. Put her back in bed, again say firmly "Stay in bed and stay quiet. No calling out to mummy, no yelling, no crying, no getting out of bed." And walk out again. Eventually she stayed and it worked.

But no TV in the morning. When she woke and wanted to watch Dora, I would remind her that she didn't stay in bed and stay quiet, so no TV. I would tell her she could try again when it was sleep time - if she stayed in bed and stayed quiet for her nap, she could watch something when she woke up.

DH initially said that it was too far removed - she couldn't associate the punishment with the behaviour the night before, but she began to understand pretty quick smart and he stopped saying that!

So it took a week or so, initially, for her to get it. Then followed a blissful period where we would just say to her "Time for sleeping, what's our rule?" and she'd say "Stay bed stay quuuuieeeet!" and we'd say "Say nigh-night sun!" and she'd say "Nigh nigh sun!", then she'd say "Love you!", snuggle down and be off to sleep.

And now its stopped.

So the opening the door thing and I think her last molars have tripped us up again. But I am approaching it the same way - back in bed, "What's our rule?" and she knows she is doing wrong because she won't look at me, wriggles around and refuses to say "stay in bed stay quiet". Eventually she does and when she says it, I can usually tell whether she means it or not.

But since she started this new getting out of bed thing, I've only once had to withhold TV - every other time she has pushed it right to the "Last chance!" but then stays in bed. So it does work - its just about being consistent in your approach.

I should also add that after the first month or so, she wouldn't even ask for TV when she woke up. Most mornings she just gets up, has brekkie, plays happily. So she's stopped associating it with TV now, she just knows she has to stay in bed stay quiet. Which was the plan!

Good luck hun. It worked for us - and I developed this plan under guidance from a council child behavioural specialist so its not just my whacked idea!!

[Olive]

lol op DD kisses sheepie (as she calls him) every night before sleep

[OceanPrincess]

lol op DD kisses sheepie (as she calls him) every night before sleep

Lol we now have a routine of bedtime kisses - I say "kiss for DD", give her a kiss. Then DD says "Mummy kiss Miffy" so Miffy gets a kiss. "Kiss my fingers" so her fingers get a kiss. "Kiss Miffy's fingers" (Miffy doesn't have fingers ) so I kiss Miffy's fingers. "Kiss Miffy's tail"

You get the idea...

[Artechim]

Thanks for the post OP. Unfortunately I don't think it would work for us, DD just isn't up there with the comprehension for that sort of thing. She simply wouldn't understand any of it.

[~*Niadalla*~]

With both of my kids, it was baby gates all the way.
If they NEEDED us, they would call out. Otherwise, they'd stay in bed because what was the point getting up and not being able to leave the room?
Worked a treat both times and DD was in her bed 2 months with a baby gate on the door before we took it away and haven't had any problems since.

[Olive]

Artechim maybe try the clock with your DD worth a try

[Artechim]

I really don't think she would understand the clock thing either. She isn't the sharpest tool in the shed.

[OceanPrincess]

I should add that as Kaz points out having "rules" might not be your parenting style and that's of course fine... DD still wakes overnight, maybe just 2 or 3 nights a week, but if she wakes and is in pain or upset, I will still go to her. I just soothe her, shhh her, tell her its ok, its time for sleeping, whatever works.

I only use the "What's our rule?" line for when I know she is just pushing the boundaries. Last night she woke and came out, crying and saying she had an ow, DH just picked her up, gave her a cuddle, snuggled her back in bed, she cried and said she wanted him in her bed, he lay down with her for a while, she went to sleep and he came back to bed.

So we don't try and force it on her if she's genuinely upset or anxious, does that make sense?

If she is screaming and crying hysterically for one of us, we don't ignore her. So I've tried to find a balance between having the Rule and also still meeting her needs. Hope that makes sense.

This works for us when she is being a highly-independent, strong-willed 2.5yo. When she is my upset baby girl, well then we use something else

[OceanPrincess]

Sorry I just thought of something else. Something else that has helped us.

We forget how old DD is. She's still my baby girl - but she's 2.5, will be 3 next year!

Have you tried just having a talk to her? Like Kaz says - talking during the day, reading books about going to sleep (maybe stay away from Go the F to sleep?? ), talking to her during the day about your expectations.

I had forgotten how much she understands. When she first started playing up at bedtime again, this was soon followed by hourly wake ups when she was just carrying on wanting water, NOT wanting water, wanting more water, then having a wet nappy... this was the sort of behaviour I call "boundary pushing". She didn't really NEED anything, she was just playing up. So that's when I had a big talk to her before bed each night about how she was a big girl now and how she knew that mummy and daddy were right there, down the corridor, and she did not need to call out for us every time she woke up.

If she had an ow, or was scared, she could call us and we would come but that big girls are good at sleeping at night and didn't need to yell out. And then I brought up The Rule again and reminded her about staying in bed and staying quiet.

So maybe try talking to her!