Every day DD2 will cry and hold on to him and chase him down the hall. If I try to pick her up she screams and kicks me away. After he finally makes it out she walks around crying for a while saying 'Daddy, Daddy' in a sad little voice.
DD1 is not so bad in the morning but almost every day at some point she will be crying and if I ask her why she says it's because she misses Daddy and wants him to come home and cuddle her.
Gosh I'm glad I'm the Mum and not the Dad because that would just break my heart! Poor DH feels so bad and it must be so hard to go. Way to make him feel loved though! lol.
Do anyone else's kids get this upset? Any ideas on what we can do?? Distraction doesn't work. Maybe it would be better if he didn't say goodbye? That seems mean though.
Bella went through a stage like that When Grandma would leave and more recently when I would leave, she would loose the plot! But I just kept reassuring her that I would be back and how long I would be "I'll be home when you wake from your sleep" so she had a sense of when I would be home.
Poor poppet!
My 22month old DD does this, but my 4yo DD never did. She is such a daddy's girl!
I have so far managed to calm her down from meltdown by saying, Daddy will be back later. I try to talk about things happening later a lot during the day and then following up when they occur with a statement like 'see, we are going to the library now, just like I said we would" so she understands the concept and believes me. Plus we have DH come and go a lot during the day as he works near home. It means more breakdowns every time he leaves but she as a sense of him returning sooner or later as he is never gone for a full day.
If I can't console her with that I offer to call him and she has a chat on the phone. So far, that has always done the trick.
I like the idea above of giving a time frame such as after a sleep. I think I will use that! Thanks
Yes! Well the toddler does... DD2 is still pretty Mum focused and oblivious to anything else lol. We are actually looking at stripping our budget down to try and allow DP to drop to more part time hours because we all miss each other and they are only little for so short... then we start feeling a bit guilty trying to remember everyone needs to work to make the world go around, life is bigger than our little family unit... contribution to society and such but then, anyone could choose to live simpler and some things really aren't that necessary, we have sort of gone beyond the work for neccesities, trading what you have for what you need with others blah de blah.... circles and roundabouts lol. We are both quite disillusioned with the whole working 5 days to live for 2 business that life seems to have become, the extravagance even amongst the 'average' so as our self sufficiency grows, our needs for outside income starts diminishing and it starts to seem stupid to work more than required when we are happy to forgo the extras, materially speaking and just want more time, experiences, laughs, fun. ANYWAY getting a bit off topic there but yes, it is heartbreaking!
I don't have much of an answer, we try to explain why DP needs to work... we talk about the fun things her and I will do during the day (and Breeeeeeeee), then mention the things they will do when DP gets home, try to explain when he will be home. We make things to show him or call him to tell him about stuff, I let her send a text message or two or a picture. We try and keep the day pretty busy... haha this is starting to be more about me missing him, she isn't actually too bad once the day gets rolling, it is more the goodbye. We always run to the balcony to wave to the car which seems to calm her down enough for him to get out the door and then in the afternoon we count cars and colours on the balcony wating for our car to come home so I think the routine/stability thing helps. After lunch is when we call (after our lunch, it is during his)... always go to the park in the morning then afternoon is cooking or painting or something messy unless we have something else on that day (playgroup, playdates, speech). We keep a whiteboard where in the morning we write a general gist of the day so she kind of knows what is going on and all the fun stuff in between him leaving and coming back. And we do have fun, of course!
I dunno, I can understand how she feels really... I mean, I miss him too and the toddler inside my brain thinks life is SOOO unfair and longs for the ability to just be selfish... I mean really, why can't we just spend all day everyday soaking up rays in the park haha but yeah, just getting stuck into fun stuff seems to remind us both we can have a good time together and then we get to show him or tell him about it so bonus fun lol. And remembering it is the beautiful double edged sword of having such a neat and involved dad
Yes! But not so much the day to say going to work, but when DH goes away for work. Last week he was in Hong Kong and DD was sad and kept asking about Daddy. It breaks my heart so much. She's becoming a real daddy's girl!
DS is used to it now unfortunately, but still has photos up next to his bed of daddy and always says how he misses him when he's working.
One of my friends has a DH who is a fly in, fly out. They use a calendar so she can see when Daddy will be at work, or at home. She says this helps by giving a timeframe rather than just saying 'he'll be back' which I guess is like saying they'll be back after a sleep etc. The calendar is on the fridge and is month by month with clearly coloured which days Daddys is away so DD can see (I have seen it on the fridge when I have been over at her house). This seems to really help as they can talk about Daddy and when he's coming back, that is OK to miss him, acknowledging this feeling, whilst also being positive about when he will be back. Hope this info helps
My girls used to be like that. They are still all about dh though. Some days they still are like that too.
Our routine in the morning is they get up with daddy, catch up and we all have brekky together. We all get ready for the day. Most days we follow Dh to work, then we go our separate ways. I think them knowing where is he going helps them understand that he will be coming back at some point (some days we surprise them by taking them to Dh's work so they can show him stuff, or havea milkshake or whatever). If we stay home, then they walk him to the car, and 'help' him get his work stuff in the car. Then they wave out the front, make as much noise as they like saying goodbye, and being silly.
The biggest thing that we do is Dh will call them around the same time every day. Before we say our goodbyes, dh will tell them he will call after playschool or whatever thing we are doing. That will normally stop any tantrums.
FWIW, when I was little my dad had to sneak out of the house to go out. The same happened with my mum and her dad, he would have to sneak out too. But instead of dh sneaking out we are trying to ease their fears through reassurance. It works really well for us.
My two get upset too. Now to try and make it a little bit easier they help daddy leave. They carry out his lunch box/keys/phone and we stand there and wave goodbye. Doesn't always work but helps sometimes.
And when he gets home it is like God himself has walked in.
My DD gets upset during the day asking where her dad is. It used to be occasionally but now it's pretty much every day. I just explain that dad is at work and we can pick him up from the train when Hoot has his bath (after about 615pm for those who don't run to Giggle and hoot time )
On the bright side at least means he is a great, involved father, and they can see the contribution he makes as a parent!
DD (nearly three), half the time doesn't even see DF leave (due to the nature of his job). She does ask where he is sometimes, or randomly spits out "dad's in his truck!", or more recently asks where he has gone- by saying "dad's gone to....." and waiting for me to fill in the blank..lol.
I think for her it's just a given that he's often not here and will be back at some point..which is kinda sad, for a whole lot of reasons but not going to gatecrash your thread with them!
Although actually, she was pretty excited when she heard the reverse beep of the truck as he backed it in the driveway last night, demanding to get out of bed to see dad. This was at about 11.30......
Yep. It doesn't matter who is working they are devastated. We're all the same.
DD10 wishes she could stay home and do school and DH and I could work from home. I agree. I know she'd probably miss her friends but we would all love it if we spend 24-7 together.
Unlike me DH wasn't able to stay home and raise them each day as I did. He still talks about how hard it was each day to leave us and go to work. I think the majority of women don't acknowledge how hard it must be for them that they miss out on raising their children. Yet when a woman goes to work everyone rallies to support her through the adjustment. So I would try and remember while it hurts your LO it probably breaks his heart every day too.
DS doesn't really, he drags out the hugs and kisses a bit so he can't leave though.
I explain to him that Daddy has to go to work or we can't go shopping on Wednesdays.
Having worked in childcare, we always encouraged the parents to say goodbye. Sneaking out teaches them they can't trust you and you (or anyone else) could disappear at any time. It only makes it worse. They learn they have to keep an eye on you all the time, in case you leave. Instead we are taught to ask the parents to make it short and firm but caring. Acknowledge their feelings, tell them when you'll be back and that you love them, then leave. Drawing it out, in my experience, makes it more distressing for everyone.
So something like "I know you are sad Daddy's leaving, but I will be home after your nap/dinner/whatever. I love you."
With DS I have found waving goodbye helped. We would walk out the front and watch Daddy leave in the car. Not sure why, maybe it gave him a sense of closure?
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Are your kids upset when Daddy goes to work?
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