bite her back?

[delphmoon]

DDI (2years) is a biter

she doesn't bite out of anger or anything..she just...well...bites...

a moment ago she came and hugged me and bit me on the face hard. she isn't unwell. not teething. it just seems if it is near her mouth she will bite it...including her baby sisters fingers. This has been going on for months now.

How do I stop this? my mum swears that biting her back will fix it all. But i can'do that...any tips??

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[Jaycee]

I wouldn't bite her back, I don't think that shows that the behaviour is unacceptable.

I found the 2-2.5 age very hard discipline wise, as they know what they're doing is wrong, but I don't think they respond well to time out, having toys taken away etc.

Hopefully someone a little wiser than me can offer suggestions

[maybebaby2012]

Oh I definitely wouldn't bite her back, I feel like that reinforces it in a backwards way. DD did it a few times, I would say very sternly "NO, hurts" and put her down somewhere off me.

[HotI]

there is a series of kids books, and one of them is 'teeth are not for biting'. they are quite good.

talks about why you might bite, and what you can do instead.

[*LittleMissSummer*]

Our DD's are the same age, she went through the phase of biting at 18 months. I was told to bite her back we did it and it made it worse. So i decided to ignore her, if she bit or went to bite me i would stand up and walk away and ignore her. After a couple of weeks she just stopped.

[~ Mylitta ~]

At that age children aren't very capable of thinking about how their actions might make others feel before they do it. So unfortunately it's hard to explain to a two year old that when she bites you (or others) that it hurts that person, because she's not really going to stand there next time and think about how it's going to make you feel first. They seem to remember consequences a little better though, so yelping in pain then either putting them down on the floor or moving away from them can help a little. They don't like that and a negative response gets attached to the behaviour.

I'm a firm believer that biting back won't help. They are little copy-cats and like to do what mummy (or anyone else around them) does. Plus, if Mummy is allowed to bite, then why can't they? I kicked myself the other day when my son was screaming and I yelled "No screaming!" at him. Great way to parent by example, lol.

[ss_storm]

I wouldn't bite her back. If she starts hitting/kicking/pinching etc would you do it back to her as well?
She could just be doing it for attention, even negative attention is attention to a toddler. I'd try to teach her that teeth are for biting food only, explain (she might not understand at the moment but it doesn't hurt to start) that it hurts and we don't bite other people, and when she does it simply remove her from the situation.
It is a stage most kids go through, and the more you make a big deal out of it the more she is probably going to do it.

[little_O]

I was a biter. My mum tried everything. In the end she bit me back (not super hard just enough to get my attention) and said do you like mummy biting you? Then don't bite other people!

Worked on me. But I would try other things first . I think the consequence of not being near you is a good one. If she's not doing it to be naughty and she sees you upset or a consequence to herself it may make her think twice.

[leckert]

I sympathize; I've had a biter. I think that we're finally coming out the other side after about 18 months of biting (including serious blood drawing bites at childcare). Ds1 didn't bite often at home (unless he was tired) but did bite a fair bit at childcare. They tried a number of things; shadowing ds, separating ds from the other kids were the main strategies they used - they couldn't work out triggers for some of the biting as it didn't always happen in retaliation or frustration that they could see. (He had all his teeth including molars ages ago so it wasn't teething that was causing the biting)

In the end, I think ds1 is finally growing out of biting.

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[Floweryfields]

I've seen my share of biters - and believe me, it's not fun when they're not your own and are biting other people's children! In my experience, there is nothing to change a biter, they just grow out of it eventually as frustrating as that seems.

[delphmoon]

I wouldn't bite her back. If she starts hitting/kicking/pinching etc would you do it back to her as well?
.

No..aka asking for other solutions

I can't find a trigger other than she does it more when she excited and happy. Come to think of it, i have never seen her do it in frustration.
I am just unsure if I should ignore it for the time being or not. TBH i usually end up yelling at her not to do it but I can see she doesn't understand.

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[*LittleMissSummer*]

Yelling didn't work with my DD it eventually turned into a game because she was getting a reaction out of us so by ignoring it she soon grew bored of it.

If its out of excitement maybe try change what her reaction is, for my DD we clap our hands and say "yay" when we are excited. So if she sees you get excited along with her and you clap she might pick up on that.

Its so hard coming up with solutions when we dont see it first hand.

[jlk]

I've been having this problem with miss 2 as well, usually she does it when she is angry or upset, I'm at a loss as to what to do too

[AnyDream]

Don't bite her back. I still remember the day my mother bit me ... After my older sister set me up. Nasty.

Perhaps you could start teaching some concepts around ouch! And that hurt! As well as being gentle.

[Cranky Kitten]

If it's excitement that causes it giving her an alternative way of expressing it is a great suggestion - clapping hands, doing a little dance or something else that doesn't involve sharp little incisors on your skin This can also work for frustration or anger, as it gives a way of expressing emotion if that's what they're struggling with - everything getting too overwhelming.

The trickier biter is the impulsive "seemed like a good idea at the time" nommer. Because there's usually no trigger or warning that they're going to do it. DD was a bit like this, all I did with her was to hand her a rubber teething ring and walk off. She gave it up pretty quickly because it was boring.

[~Kaz~]

I was wondering if maybe she means it in an affectionate way? Kind of like a kiss gone wrong? If it's excitement based, then there's your warning sign. The ideas mentioned above are great. I think you just have to persevere with a consistent strategy that everyone in your house/close family etc does - so trying to catch her coming when excited and reminding her to clap, jump, dance while moving out of range OR having a standard response if you're too late and get bitten along the lines of 'ouch!, that hurts etc' and moving away.

I would also work on empathy skills in other areas - not just her infliction of pain on others - but in talking about how other people feel when different events occur. Two is a difficult age, they have adult sized emotions in tiny bodies and struggle to express them in socially appropriate ways. Hang in there. It will get better.

[luna moth]

What I've always found most effective for biters is to say "biting HURTS" and then following through with consequences. So if he bites her baby sister, then she has to sit with you, away from her toys, until her sister is ok. If your dd2 is cool with it, a little ice pack helps for dramatic effect. Talk through it, keep saying how it hurts, how the baby can't have fun while her finger hurts, etc. then when the baby is ok, give them both a nice cuddle.

If it is affectionate, watch out for how you demonstrate affection - stuff like pretending to gobble her up, or nibble her toes or whatever, just make sure she's not misunderstanding hat sort of action as role modeling.

[delphmoon]

excellent point Audax about how we play with her...gosh....we do play alot nibble tickle games!!

thanks everybody for your input. You all have made me think about things differently

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