Bringing home the baby - what would you do differently if you had your time over?

[sconeonamission]

I wished I'd rested more after baby, and accepted the help that was offered and not be too proud. But before - I wish I'd learnt how to push the pram with a baby in it, and fold it down so I could fit it into the car! Can you imagine the stairs that these two brand new parents trying desperately to put down a pram in the hosp car park in the rain? That was us! No-one helped. Luckily we had a HUGE boot , and we got the pram half down and just fitted it into the back and went straight home!

[Oorki Galoorki]

Fiona you did ask for what people would do differently... also we have a homebirth section here in BB land, birth activisim is not about home birth.. its about giving all women (even those who look poorly upon homebirth) options! We are all mums who have something to contibute to this thread.
I too would not have gone to the hospital.
i would have not read crappy books like upthe duff and what to ecpect when expecting.
i should have found a community of real women who are not competative and who were supportive.
CYH nurse visits were terrible... so saying no to them coming and disrupting our world would have been a good idea to

[STARRYSKY]

what would I have done differently? I would have stayed at home longer once I was in labour, I wouldnt have let them induce me, I wouldnt have let DP talk me out of a home water birth....sorry if its not what you want to hear, just my experience.
I was lucky I had BB, had I not had, I would be where all the mums in my group are, not enjoying their baby, trying to let them "self settle" (fancy word for "controlled crying IMO)
They all give me the look when I bf at group, but then privately admit how much they miss it.
I would have accepted more help, I would have kicked DP up the bum to help me more.

[Inanna]

Fiona I think this a question about what we would all do as individuals differently. I know personally that choosing not to go to the hospital was something I might have done differently too. We are not always going to get answers that fit with our own ideology when we ask a blanket question.

Some of us after having a hospital birth wouldn't do it again!

I planned a homebirth with my first and I transferred to hospital. What I would have done differently there is I would have chosen a midwife that better suited my personality and spiritual beliefs...

With number 2 I did everything the way I hoped. He was the "perfect" (for me!) experience.

With Number 3.... I would have stayed home and not transferred to the birth centre. I would have squatted on the kitchen floor and stayed there! (my "sister" - she's really my best friend but she is my "sister" to me is a midwife and she insisted I wasn't going to have an unplanned homebirth...)

With number 4 - I would have gotten into the birthing tub a little later - I think I immersed myself in the water too soon and it slowed things down.

With number 5 I would have left my husband so that I wouldn't have had so much stress and maybe staved off such an early birth!

[onthefly]

Yeah, I woulda skipped hospital too!

And just spent a whole lot more time enjoying my tiny little baby - in arms, at the breast, crying, whatever... they grow so fast

[Lolli]

I'd do everything I'm doing this time round- sleep when the kids sleep, relax and forget the housework, take offers of help when I get them.

The only difference would be that next time I'd plan to have the baby at home

[mummato1]

My only regret so far is that I "assumed" I would have had no problems with a VB and breastfeeding and I really didnt educate myself accordingly for what to do when things dont go smoothly.

I also didnt listen to my gut and speak up when I thought bubs wasnt in the right position (he was posterior) even though the midwife said he was in the right position.

So next time around, I will be more prepared! I will research all of my options for a vbac and speak my mind more.

[Sequoia]

For me, I'd make sure I had more meals cooked and in the freezer!

[Traveller]

For me, I'd make sure I had more meals cooked and in the freezer!

Oh that's a good one!

[Tan2705]

HAHA I had plenty of cooked meals in the freezer until DP came home (he does FIFO), bub was fashionably late and I refused to cook! So maybe I would have MORE frozen meals ready to go

[CrazyLady]

Ha Ha, ...... SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS!!!!

I never did because I was paranoid DP would be locked out when he got home from work! I managed for 3 months on average 3 hours sleep a night and then she started sleeping for 12 hours a night when we got her reflux medication, she still does! Still wondering how I didn't have a breakdown! The microsleeps while cooking/showering/hanging out washing were a little concerning though!
Moral to the story: Make sure the daddy takes a key to work!

Honestly, the one big thing that i would of liked to have changed/had control over, was the ability to give myself some slack and go with the flow a bit more.

I was really thrown out by the insistence of the MACH nurse visit at home where she told me that i HAD to institute a feed, play, sleep routine. in retrospect i did a great job and DD and I had a great rythmn. just wish that i had of allowed myself to relax in that knowlege ITMS.

I stressed SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH over this advice! My little girl outright refused this routine (or any other) so I basically told the MCHN to get stuffed after she told me I was "doing it all wrong"! Once we threw out that advice we were both far more relaxed but each to their own, works for some and I don't disrespect that!

With my first baby: I wish i had been allowed to stay in hospital a bit longer

I wish I had been able to stay in less. Was in hospital 2 weeks with a 4 1/2 week prem and slow to gain weight baby. I can understand those who are released too early. Motherhood can be daunting and without a little encouragment/direction can be scary. Not saying motherhood is awful but it is a strange new way of life.

i would have curled up on the couch and watched daytime dvd and dosed while holding my sleeping baby who refused to sleep in her cot, instead of agonising and trying to make her sleep in her cot... i would have put my feet up and breathed in her heavenly scent instead of worrying about creating 'bad habits' in regards to where she was or wasn't sleeping...

My little one is JUST going into the cot of a daytime now. I REFUSED to feel guilt about enjoying my little one taking a nap on me. I just think that I have to hold her like this while I can because time flies so fast that pretty soon she will be off to school and I'll be missing my little baby!

Poor DD I wish I'd spent more time doing it by heart instead of by other people's 'rules'.

LOL! My child will nap a maximum of 2 hours TOTAL in the day and averages about 1.5 hours total. People tell me I should insist on letting her get more sleep............ This is what she needs, she doesn't get grumpy and quite happily settles for a 20 min power nap if she feels like it. Can sometimes nap an hour. I now feel after feeling so much guilt is that she will tell me if she is tired, she will get grumpy and screamy and rub her eyes and such........ She doesn't, she doesn't need many naps and is a very happy, giggly, smiley little girl.

Going to dismount my soap box but I hope my input helped!

[nic]

Me personally I would have told the IL's who were ringing before I even made it to the stairs, that yes we had just gotten home and I would appreciate a bit of space, so don't bother coming over right now thanks.

With #2 i would have had a Amby Hammock here from the get go, to see if that would have made a difference earlier on and bought The Wonder Weeks a little earlier, to read as well.

It's a hard question, because we all have things we would do differently if we had our time over, but you don't know what those things are until you have experienced it IYKWIM? What works for one person won't for another.. Maybe a, what did you appreciate having done/organised etc for when you returned home?

I loved the fact that with #2 we had told the IL's we wanted no visitors at the hospital on the first day, this lead them to follow through with the same thought once we returned home, and we had a nice relaxed arrival home.....was so nice knowing that I didn't have to hear them for at least 1 day once home...

If you have the space available, like suggested, a few cooked meals, or something that is quick and easy to whip up. (This probably would've been handy for me with #1 when all the IL's invited themselves over for dinner the day we got home pmsl)


New sheets on the bed maybe? I think slipping into nice clean sheets is wonderfullly relaxing....

Don't be afriad to say no and to ask for help if you need it. Whether it is a shower while someone holds the baby for a few minutes, or getting on BB to ask a question that you think you will the 1 millionth person to ask.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

With my first baby: I wouldn't have brought him home. In that I wouldn't have gone to the hospital in the first place. I'd have given birth, bonded and have a son now.

But with a growing newborn: I wouldn't have changed it really. I'd have tried to do more home cooking I suppose. And had goat's milk instead of cow's milk, I'll be doing that with #2+. I'd have enjoyed coffee mornings more, knowing that I had to go back to work and would really miss them!

[JordieC]

I agree with all all the coments about sleeping when they are sleeping more, more cuddls and basically chilling out more. n a practical note if I do go back next time I would change:

1. Stay in hospital less time ( I think I know what I'm doing now!)
2. Have a more even-spread of visitors (still didn't get this quite right this time!)
3. I AM NOT giving Tate farax (he can have vegies and fruit etc. when he is ready - not when the book tells me I should give It)
4. This time and forever ( I hoe) that I will not stress if they don't do what they are supposed to when the book says cause to get averages they need to have kids on both sides of the scale right!!!

Enjoy and do what you think is best!

[BhoysGirl]

Bit more of the same same from me:

1. Relax & rest as much as you can in the next couple of weeks.
2. I'm going to invest in a sling of some type this time round.
3. I'm not going to stress if I get another baby who doesn't want to eat solids at the "recommended" age, and I'm certainly not going to force the next one to eat like I was made to do last time. Food is definitely for fun, until they are one
4. If I get another poor sleeper, I'm not going to wait 2.5years to ask for some help


Finally, FWIW, I completely support the right to choose where/how we birth our babies - home or hospital, but I'd just like to say that I had a fantastic hospital experience, so they're not all completely evil interventionist places. I think it's definitely horses for courses, no one way suits all.

[Queen]

I would have slept more before DD1 arrived,
cooked more meals to freeze,
had my hair cut, done more "ME" things as a pose to sitting around waiting for a baby,
slept when DD1 did,
involved my DH more, instead of doing it 'all on my own'
not taken all snide/rude parenting advise I was given by complete strangers, to heart
learn to parent by 'heart' not by a book.

I think thats all wow thats a few.....but when I had DD2 I did most of these things, sleeping when I could with DD1 and DD2.

Good luck

[beckoes]

I think you have been given some great advice.and most of the things i would change have already been said. but what i would do differently next time......

Remember most the time doctors just say things to cover them selves just in case.....in reality staying pregnant for another two days wasnt going to harm my baby and in the end the stress cause by them trying to force an inuction on me probably did more harm than stay pregnant for another two days :roll eyes:
Remember that how they sleep/what routine you try to get in the first few month has no real bearing on what they will sleep like/what they will do in the rest of thier lives!! just relax, so what if they go to sleep at 11pm.
I still get comments about not going out, insisting on being home for sleep times etc, from other friends, but at the end of the day what ever works for you...just do it! dont ever feel bad for leaving a party/bbq cause you have a baby....like others said...one day they will get it!!
I read all about birth and prepared for that aspect...but nothing about what the first few months would be like....especially the first few weeks!!! Next time round i would know that 'im not a terrible mother' and that BF isnt going to be the dreamy bonding experience i was expecting it to be for few weeks. but it all gets better after a few weeks

Good luck with your little bundle!!

[Stevie]

Great Thread BTW

Ill start with the things i wished i hadnt done..
~i wish i spent less time sitting around waiting for baby and more time doing "me" things
~i wish i hadnt stressed so much about my pregnancy, counting down every day and worrying about every tiny little thing, considering i really had nothing to worry about.
~i wish before i got pregnant i was fitter and healthier, but our next baby will hopefully be planned so ill have some time to do this
~ i wish id spent more intimate time with DH, atm im tired and totally uninterested i feel aweful (he's the type of guy that needs lots of attention in that area )
~i wish that id done the "pre cook and freeze meals" just would have made things easier.
~i wish i didnt leave the hospital earlier than id planned, and i wish id done more research on BFing, i have had so many problems BFIng i wish that i knew a bit more, and got more help instead of trying to fix it on my own

now the things im glad i did do..
~Sleep, i slept anytime all the time while i was pregnant, and now with bub if im tired ill sleep with her.
~im glad that ive done what works for me. My DH has been great, he's the one that made me see every baby is different and just coz she's not doign what the book "says" doesnt make it wrong.
~im so glad that i have my MIL to help me, sometimes i feel bad for asking her to look after DD while she's stil so little, but it works for us. and im just a phone call away.


I knowmy baby is still very younge, and i dont have a lot of experience yet, but i do know that i look at my growing DD everyday and it scares me how much she is already growing, i love that i can sit and cuddle her, and let her sleep on me and enjoy beng close to her coz i know it wont last foreever. and i know when i have #2 it will all be different again coz i already have a baby, but i just that i can enjoy my next baby as much as i am enjoying my first baby.