Controlled Crying - needs defining?

[Debbie Lee]

No worries Emily... I guess I get a bit frustrated when mere discussions of a topic such as CC or BFing gets some people on the defensive. It's not an attack on people that use elements of a certain method.
I guess it's kind of like how just about every BFing thread stirs up emotions for people that had to FF for whatever reason. Rather than seeing it for what it is, people get all offended that the "breast is best" argument is being rammed down their throat... which could be further from the truth!

[BellyBelly]

And again, this is a gentle parenting site so it does tend to attract those who don't want to do such routines - so you are going to find more who don't want to do it, feel more strongly about it and whatever. Thats what makes it the site it is - no other mainstream sites have a theme. So when those who say they feel 'attacked' at what they do, I think 'overwhelmed' might be a better word that so many around them on this site don't do it. It is a free for all website, but gentle solutions ARE going to be offered and thats what comes with being a member, just as if you went to a website on poodles - expect to get lots of info and praise for poodles no matter if you have a poodle or a golden retriever.

[Jodie259]

from my understandings, and research.... I think there is a number of 'methods' that are similar, but slightly different.

Controlled Crying has been explained, where you leave a baby for increasing amount of time before returning to them. I think this method is becoming less popular, although it does work for many people.

Controlled Comforting - is where you stay with the baby until they are calm, then leave the room (not for any particular amount of time). You listen to their cries... and when they are distressed you return and calm them down. There is not set times for crying or comforting. Because of this Tresillian are renaming this method something else (forgot what). This is the method I was taught at QEC sleep centre, and has been really effective.

There are other methods like
Camping out... where you sleep in the same room as a baby and move a bit further from their cot each night.

Extinction (like Kelly mentioned above) - and I think this method is becoming really extinct!

And there are the comforting methods... like rocking and feeding your baby to sleep, co-sleeping etc.

Each to their own, and I think mothers should do whatever they are comfortable with. Sometimes the 'controlled' methods don't work for some - and sometimes the 'comforting' methods dont' work.

Mothers should know that there is help if they need it. Some mums can cope with sleep deprivation... some can't. So if any mum is not coping, talk to your maternal nurse, GP, and if you've got the energy - read books.

[lilprecious75]

I have discovered that not every method works all of the time either. Sometimes I can bring James into bed with us and he settles right away and goes to sleep. Other times he gets more worked up in bed with us and I have to get up and settle him in the rocking chair. Other times he just needs a little cuddle and some reassurance and he is right back to sleep in the cot. So it depends on the baby and the day and the situation.

I would have to say that from the "definitions" I am using a combination of co-sleeping and comforted sleeping and it works for us. We take a few steps forward and then a few steps back but we are consistently making progress - even if it is slow and that is what matters most to me.

[nickel]

Thanks again everyone this has been a really great thread for me - and yes it is a gentle parenting site which is why I wanted to clarify the whole "controlled crying" definition so I didn't feel defensive!! :wink:
thanx for your comments Fraser, I think it's been watered down too as this thread has clarified for me.

I have always said that I am pro controlled crying until I actually read the routines that Caro posted. I think I'll just say form now on that I'm pro-listening to your kid!!
Just a thought though, I was interested to see the reaction to my first post, but no-one was 'offended' by Caro's statements of strength. Hence Kelly's comment re. the theming of the site I suppose! And the important need to hear from everyone's point of view from all along the scale of parenting types, and not being judgemental or prescriptive. (Caro I was not offended by your statements, and appreciated your candour and the information you provided. I think it really added to the discussion, and thanx for posting)

I appreciate your comments too Cailin, and others because although this is a "gentle parenting" themed site, lets face it there is no where else on the whole web that is like bellybelly so everyone wants to come here and find help and encouragement. I need alternatives as there is simply no way at this stage of my life being who I am, that I could embrace all of the gentle parenting techniques to their full extent, so I love hearing from mummies ALL along the scale (I dont' think you have to be only gentle or tough or unattached or whatever).

Controlled crying/sleep training etc (such emotive phrases!) and Bf and FF are such emotional issues for some mummies, which is why it feels like the attacking/overwhelming. I still think there is a place for discussion of these things in a intelligent non-offensive exploratory fashion which I think we have mostly done here? yes? (good on us)
That said I think the moderators do a GREAT job of keeping people on track and trying to prevent flaming/negative stuff.

[nickel]

And lastly I get all worked up about things because I can't bear to see any mum suffering because she thinks there is no alternative to what she is doing!

[Roryrory]

I want someone to come up with a new sleep method where you logically explain to your child that its okay, you will be here when they wake up, and sleep is something that will make them feel better. Oh, that's right - BABIES DON'T GET LOGIC!! Damn

[shellbell3]

Sounds good Aurora and I'd like to explain to them that they just don't need to fight sleep, if your tired then go to sleep!