I agree with others that you do NOT have to let bubbas cry to teach them to self-settle. We have taught DS self-settling in a similar way to Jordie - by allowing him to grizzle, not cry. If he cries, we pat/shhhh/stroke his forehead until he is calm. Then we walk away & listen. We let him grizzle, then if he cries we immediately comfort. At first, it took quite a while to settle him. Now, he will usually put himself to sleep within 10 mins (often less).
We did it at 9 weeks. Was wonderful!! I would leave her for 10 seconds if that!! It was really just teaching her that her cot was for bed. To this day (2.5) she only sleeps in her cot, which is fantastic, and also knows she isn't allowed get up once she's in there. That was my main aim, and the sleeping came with it, within a few nights. I did spend some nights in there patting her for a long time, but NOt getting her up again was the main thing, so patting her for an hour or so was not a problem .xxo
Once DD started staying awake after her bottle (about six weeks), I did the feed-play-sleep routine. So let her stay up and played with her for about 1.5 hours then looked for sleepy signs which were usually staring off into the distance and not making eye contact.
Then I'd wrap her, rock her for a little bit but not until she was fully asleep and put her in her cot and say "sleepy time now" for a few minutes.
Sometimes that worked straight away, sometimes not. If it didn't and she started crying, I'd take her out again and start again with the rocking and whispering. If I could see that she was tired, I'd keep doing that - sometimes for up to an hour. If I thought I'd misread her signs and she wasn't actually sleepy, I'd get her up.
That took about three days before it really worked which doesn't sound a lot but it did take an enormous amount of self-discipline when I knew I could, if I wanted to, just rock her till she was asleep. But I wanted her to get used to going into her cot a bit sleepy and then nodding off herself.
It worked.
Gradually, I didn't need to do the rocking and we've found different things to help her self-settle. Over time, she decided that she liked her fluffy blanket so now when she's sleepy I just put her in her cot with her blankie and she grabs it, puts her thumb in her mouth and off she goes. If not, I don't let her cry, I either pick her up and cuddle her till she's calm again or get her up. I'd say at the moment she goes to sleep herself 49 times out of 50.
It's just been a gradual process for us. If you'd told me when she was 3 months old that I would be able to just put her in her cot and she'd go to sleep without any rocking or shushing when she was a bit older, there's no way I would have believed you!
Controlled crying was origanally conceived as a technique to help toddlers get o sleep.
Over time its become part of the parenting toolbox of parents with younger babies. i think that its still only appropraite for toddlers who have an understanding of the concept of you returning after you say you will.
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