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Thread: crying crying cryinngggg

  1. #1
    Ben01 Guest

    Default crying crying cryinngggg

    DD is 7 weeks old and barely sleeps at all during the day. Sometimes she will for a couple of hours, and other times (like today) she will not sleep at all. She fights her tireness like crazy - we can get her to sleep and a minute later she is wide awake. We have been told its because "she wants to be around us" - so we have accepted it.
    At night once we get her to sleep, she is great and will usually only wake 2 or 3 times (after 9pm or so) for feeding, and after feeding at night will go straight back to sleep no problem.

    The problem is that come night time we will try and settle her in the cot and 9 times out of 10 she will create a huge scene the moment we walk out of the room.
    We wait 5 minutes and DP will go and cuddle her and she will go quiet. AS soon as she's put back down she will start up again. So we wait 7 minutes, then DP will again go give her a cuddle. DD cries and we wait 10 minutes.
    After the 10 minute scream she gets a cuddle and will sometimes goto sleep.. other times, like last night, she wont, and we had 3 10 minute screams before she decided to goto sleep.
    I'm not sure this is an issue or not?.. or is it normal? DP seems to feel as though we are "neglecting" her by letting her cry. I see it as a way of tiring her out to make her goto sleep. The episodes to date have probably not gone more than 30 - 40 mins, and i have heard of babies taking alot longer than that to get to sleep, but i do sometimes wonder if what we are doing is the wrong thing? Today she has not stopped crying. Its just been constant and we cant stop it. DP is seriously wired out and depressed and i feel much much much worse (that i wont write on here).



    I just wanted to know if anyone has any better suggestions we could possibly try to get DD into a routine or to sleep a bit easier - without getting herself so worked up? (she really lets it fly!!!)

    Thanks

  2. #2

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    it sounds like your dd just wants to be with you, she's so young and she just needs to be with you, which is perfectly normal. have you guys tried putting her in a sling like a 'hug a bub' at all during the day?
    Last edited by Ginger; June 8th, 2008 at 09:40 PM.

  3. #3

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    Hey there First of all big hugs to you. My son is nearly 12 weeks and those first couple of weeks were shocking!!!
    The best advice I received around this time was just cuddle them. If that makes them stop and allow you to get some peace and quiet just then do it. I was so stressed out cos my bub would sleep all day and then be up all night. I was worried that too much cuddling and rocking to sleep would cause a rod for my back and make him need those things to get to sleep. The Maternal and Child Health Nurse told me that at this age their brains are not actually able to learn habits (apparently that doesn't kick in till about 3 months). I was so relieved when I heard this that I happily cuddled him to sleep and even had him in the bed with us a few times. He now generally settles quite easily and is not needing the cuddles etc to settle.
    I really hope this helps you and DP, I know it worked for us

  4. #4
    Ben01 Guest

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    Yes, we have a hug a bub and a rocker, which we use all the time during the day.
    There must come a point where she "needs" to sleep, but she will just not goto sleep without the torment.
    This is seriously ridiculous, today she has cried constantly. if she is put down she cries and if we hold her she cries as well. We just cant stop it and now we both feel like $hit parents coz we cant please her.

  5. #5

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    oh I'm so sorry. It is so hard when they cry for "no reason"
    Do you think she could have wind? Have you tried any wind drops or a bit of gripe water? What about trying a bath? Or maybe a massage? Have you tried swaddling/wrapping?
    Just throwing you some ideas sorry if it's not helpful.

  6. #6

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    ben- did she cry all day today even when you were holding her/ carrying her around? is she feeding ok?

  7. #7

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    Oh Ben hun, she is only 7 weeks old. The first 3-4 months are the hardest they really are. There is waaay too much pressure for us all to be 'up and at it' with a perfect sleeping angel all too soon.

    She needs you, its not a want and she isn't trying to manipulate you. A good alternative is a hug a bub or something similar so baby can be close to you and you can still have your arms. She needs to be close to her mummy or daddy, its a big big world when you are a newborn. Letting her cry wont help anyone, it really wont.

    You need to be able to see her tired signs which will usually be about an hour after she wakes - once they get overtired, the wakefulness and irritability cycle starts. Get her wrapped when she starts making jerky movements, yawns etc.

    Have you got parents nearly that can come and hold her for awhile whilst you or mum have a shower etc??

    If all else fails call the maternal child helpline - they were a godsend to me in the turbulent few months. I dont have the number now, it used to be stuck to my old fridge.

    hang in there, most babies are like this xoxoxo

  8. #8
    Ben01 Guest

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    yes pretty much gracie crying all day... she stops every now and then but for the most part shes grumpy as hell and crying all day.

    Feeding just like normal i'd say.

    Only thing i can think of is that usually she does a BIGGG poo every day... she has not had a big one for 2 days now, only a tiny lil one yesterday and thats it.. Dont know if this could be causing discomfort?

  9. #9

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    I rocked, I sang I walked her in the pram, I patted and shushed. In the end I took her to bed and that worked for both of us.
    She could be going through a big gorwth spurt and just generally be out of sorts.
    Little bubs can't self settle and can't be 'taught' to do so at such a young age (some lovley babies are just born self settlers though - not mine). She's getting worked up because she thinks you're leaving her alone and that's scary when you only know mum and dad.
    Have you got someone else who can take her for a walk while you chill for a little while? or have a sleep?
    Take her out in the pram, the screaming isn't so bad out in the open.
    I used to wonder why me screamer wasn't doibg what I thought she should. Then I thought - hey she's only little for such a short time, I'm not going to spend it with her on her own screaming. It's such a short time. I know it feels like you're spending every second of the day with her, but very soon it won't be like that. Enjoy those snuggly moments and let her drift off with you.
    You won't creat a rod for your back. I promise.
    You are doing everything you think is right - and that's what good mums and dads do. Go with your instinct.

  10. #10
    Ben01 Guest

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    She needs you, its not a want and she isn't trying to manipulate you.
    We know this... this isnt the issue.. we arent all hating on her coz shes out to get us.

  11. #11

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    Ok if she's boob fed, the poo shouldn't be a problem.

    Lulus best tips for the overtired cherub.

    *lights down low, telly off/down
    *rug her up in the pram and hit the road
    *she may settle in the pram inside (I learnt to sleep on the couch whilst jiggling the pram with my foot)
    *warm bath, lights down low. Maybe with mum
    *into bed with you
    *try not patting, just holding her - my kids got too worked up with patting/rocking
    *walk up and down the dark hallway singing
    *call the maternal helpline

    You can always try the car but then you have to get them outta the seat again..

  12. #12

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    I second Lulu's suggestions. My first daughter used to scream from 6-8 hours a day. I couldn't understand. She had severe reflux...

    My suggestion is to take her to a GP as well. Make sure there isn't something going on like reflux. Or see a lactation consultant if you are breastfeeding.

    The reason everyone is suggesting cuddling her and not putting her down & leaving her is that 7 weeks is just a bit too young. Most people who suggest that form of settling would say to start around 6 months. Their bodies generate a hormone called cortisol in extreme levels during those episodes and their bodies often have a hard time setting up for life when that happens. So the new research suggests not doing that for the first 6 months.

    Where do you live? You could get a night doula in to help overnight to help you with settling.

    So my suggestions:

    1. its hard
    2. try Lulu's
    3. night doula for help
    4. Take a class in infant massage & do it when she is calm in the evening before bedtime.
    4. When it gets too much & the crying is hurting you mentally, pop her in a pram and go for a walk. Get outside & away from the constant noise & emotions. It will relax you & in turn help you to deal with it better.
    5. Check out information about sleep signals & try to get bubs to sleep before she gets too tired. Its 100 times more difficult when the bubs is too tired.

    Tired signs to look for: rubbing eyes, yawning, jerky movements in arms & legs, squawking at a different level.

  13. #13
    Butterfly_Princess Guest

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    Hey every one thanks for your replies
    We have thought of reflux but when we took her to the GP at 4w old because of her constant crying he said it ws too early for her to have reflux..i dunno?? Might make another trip see what he says (this ones a diff one).
    I feel really bad now for leaving her cry its not that we are tired of cuddling her and trying to settle her, but for me after trying all day, i just need a break to take a breather..and so does Ben..he does really well..id cuddle her all day every day if i could handle it, but sadly its starting to get to me mentally
    We have done the whole putting her down to sleep when she shows tired signs, but she cries as soon as her head hits the mattress, and we have tried her in the HAB, it works, for short periods of time, then she will wriggle around, want a feed, so i take her out to feed her but then i have to re do the HAB and it gets too much doing that fifty times a day so i kinda give up with the HAB.
    The rocker is okay, short periods of time though. She will fall asleep, and like DP said, she wakes up a few seconds later. She only seems to have a good solid sleep in her cot, once she is asleep in her cot that is.
    Its just funny, coz we had a pretty good thing going with her for about a week, she would sleep during the day, and sleep during the night (although it still took a little time to get her to sleep at night) and she would be a happy chatty baby.
    And she is still happy, in the mornings once she has had lots of sleep, she smiles and laughs, but then come lunch time, she is a monster and just cries and wont sleep, and if she does its for 5 mins max..
    Sorry, im just rambling i guess, i just need to get it out.
    P.S: some one asked if we were using wind drops, we used infacol, that did nothing, we use infants friend and that seems to help quite a bit, or it seemed to, i dont know whats happening now.

    Their bodies generate a hormone called cortisol in extreme levels during those episodes and their bodies often have a hard time setting up for life when that happens. So the new research suggests not doing that for the first 6 months.
    Either way she was going to be crying..but what exactly does this hormone do (if you know??)
    Last edited by Butterfly_Princess; June 8th, 2008 at 10:41 PM.

  14. #14

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    Another thing to try is an osteo or chiro who specialises in babies, just to make sure there is no underlying problem. I found an osteo really helped with DD1, she had reflux and issues turning her head. Sometimes the birth can get parts of their little body out of alignment. I recently read about one bub who had a misaligned coccyx that was causing their crying episodes, a chiro found the problem and treated it successfully.

  15. #15
    Butterfly_Princess Guest

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    Chiro!! Yess we have been considering this, and i had completely forgotten, thanks for reminding me!!

  16. #16

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    Hi Meg. I just got really confused but I see it was your DP posting the other messages
    If you can get your hands on a baby bjorn carrier I can recommend that. I don't really know what a hab is like but it sounds fiddly? The Bjorn is really easy (IMO!) and if she does have reflux having her upright should help. Also (if it is reflux) try putting her mattress on a bit of a slant, that has been helpful for us.
    As Astrid suggested give the chiro a go too. A friend of mines bub bad a dislocated (or something like that) shoulder and was very unsettled all the time, chiro fixed it and they had no more problems.
    Also do you have some family close by who could come and give you a break? I know how hard it is to care for a new bub 24/7 and it's ok to say you aren't coping, and you need a break. You need your sanity and sleep deprivation plus crying bub will send anyone balmy.
    The MCHN said that they shouldn't be born until they are 3 months old!! Those first 2 months esp are extremely difficult. It will get better.

  17. #17

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    Hi Ben and MummyMeg and Ben01!

    Firstly, you guys are doing an amazing job. reading what you guys are going through is bringing back ALL the memories of our DD! terrible during the day and fought like crazy for the night sleep (but slept well during the night...).

    things we did were many. rocking in the pram, drives, hallway pacing...all had success and failure to varying degrees. and the big letdown is that it took its toll on both my sanity and DH's. and i think to an extent it was the same for DD.
    We soon found that when she was really tired, she just didnt want to be held, so we had to put her in the cot. she would fight it and we would be in there every 3-4 minutes. placing a hand on her and using a shushing sound, until she calmed down. in the end sleep would come. the worst would be an hour (any longer and i recommend getting them up and trying a bath or massage...), and the best would be straightaway.
    the fact that she is managing to sleep in 40 minutes is pretty normal at this stage. dont beat yourselves up about it! she is a gorgeous little girl and she WILL eventually be able to sleep on her own. our girl was (from what i have read) EXACTLY the same he he he, cheeky little buggers! and despite all the crying she did in those first 12 weeks she is the happiest, most confident (and of course most gorgeous he he he).
    putting her down when you guys are tired and need to rest (or eat dinner) and save your sanity is necessary. bubs need healthy and happy parents.

    i recommend getting some kind of a routine happening to keep day and night separate. what we did was to keep the stress levels of day sleeps to a minimum (if she slept, great, if she didnt, she would later!). if no day sleep is happening go for a drive - even the 10 minute nap in the car can make all the difference to their mood). or go to a shopping centre and have her sleep in the pram. come night time, i recommend giving her sleep signals (bath or massage or both!), then (yes, against all the books!) i would feed her to sleep in the dark. sometimes getting the wrap almost done up around her so when i lay her down in the cot i had to only do minimal jiggling. i would start this bedtime routine around 6-7pm. we still do this routinge 9 months on and it works a charm!
    the best bit of mach nurse advice i got was this:" whatever you do, be persistent and consistent!" if you go in with a firm plan, things tend to go better as you are more mentally and physically prepared!

    oops this has raged out of control. i hope that it may help a wee bit...

    yours in solidarity!

    P.S. the 7-8 week mark is particularly trying! it appears they hit a crying peak, but it does get better, by the 12 week mark, there is a pattern that you can all start to make out and it soon flows from there...

  18. #18
    Butterfly_Princess Guest

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    Lol catherine, yeah he jumped off and i jumped on and i replied for him.
    Im thinking there is a chance she might have reflux, i have noticed she is a lot more settled when she is held upright but she still gets unsettled then too, but not as much.
    I love the HAB, wouldnt want another sling/carrier unless absolutely necessary (plus they dont all come cheap lol)
    We have my parents, but they both work full time, plus i dont really want to pass Isabell onto my mum, i know i have asked her for help and all she replies with is "Its been a very long time since i had babies i wouldnt know what to do." so its kinda like she is in it for all the good times and cant handle the tough times..i dunno. She also has my 15yo mentally disabled sister to look after when she isnt at work, my dad works away a lot of the time, so its also kinda complicated for her to just drop those things to come help. *sigh*

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