discipline help needed

[Rach75]

ok i have remained calm, rung my sister and hubby to stop myself going mental and to be honest belting the living crap out of Jack

ok what happened you ask...jack came out of the bathroom with a big i said throw him outside i then went out the back was gone about 5min, i come back andsay where's Luke he likes to hide i go thru lounge out of the corner of my eye i spot thru the closed doors my 8mth old standing at the top of the front stairs ii scream, Lukes cries, i race out grab him turn to jack and said what the hell *edited version* he informs me luke wanted to go out..........

i calmly tell him finish breakie get to your room, i then ring hubby no answer ring sister shaking and in tears.....

so jack had let luke follow him out, he knows to not let luke out to make sure door is closed etc...

so he is in his room, i honestly cannot speak to him because i am so angry is it to much for me to expect my almost 4 yr old to comprehend what he has done...and what besides being in his room is acceptable discipline........he keeps telling me he is sorry he told hubby when i got ahold of him what he'd done but when jase asked why he handed back ph and walked away

btw the door is now key locked and he has no access to his swings tramps now unless i unlock the door

[Calluna]

OMGosh! 's no advice just a big big !

[Fig]

Big hugs - the little munchkins can definatly press buttons sometimes. I know sometimes my nearly 3 year old does some horrible things to her baby brother - like pulling out blankets from underneath him so he falls and hits his head!!. She has been told, but she honestly does not think about the future consequences of her actions, she just wants him off her blanket. Still drives me nuts, makes me angry and upset. I think your question below are you expecting too much from your child would be yes. At this age future consequences and possabilities just don't come into their thinking. They are in the now and he probably was just trying to be nice to his brother, or have someone else to play with while he was outside.

It is still hard though when you get a fright to not react. I hope things go smoother for you for the rest of the day.

so he is in his room, i honestly cannot speak to him because i am so angry is it to much for me to expect my almost 4 yr old to comprehend what he has done...and what besides being in his room is acceptable discipline........he keeps telling me he is sorry he told hubby when i got ahold of him what he'd done but when jase asked why he handed back ph and walked away

btw the door is now key locked and he has no access to his swings tramps now unless i unlock the door

[Bathsheba]

My youngest has just turned 4 and I can understand your frustration. I'm sure he would be up to these kinds of tricks if he had a younger sibling... he is always trying to escape out the front.... i have never had a roaming (small) child before so it was a bit of a shock to deal with 3rd time round! My neighbours have had to return him on more than one occassion.

You've done really well to stay calm. From my experience you really need to let your head take over and not listen to your screaming rageful heart at times like this. Can I offer you a deterent to going ballistic? From my experience and from what i have read a child is programmed to determine their level of security. If you become 'unsafe' to them, say by belting the crap out of them, (even rarely) they will retain this information and it will niggle them. Subconsciously they will start to wonder if (even though you have said sorry etc) you still have that unsafe person inside of you... and they will go on to test you... again and again.... to prove to themselves if the monster inside you has really gone forever or if it is capable of returning. Sadly i see my sons testing my DH in this way.... and myself too. It's the price you end up paying. I wish someone had warned me before i came a parent!!! The only thing you can do is try to be calm until the child truly knows that with you they are safe... no matter what.

So... an alternative. maybe try this: Get a price of paper and draw the situation: Jack and Luke on the front step. Then draw you with a very sad face. He might scrunch it up but it might sink in. Kids are visual. You don't have to be an artist..... just stick figure.... point out who is who. sometimes doing something different in itself has impact. I have a tendency to banshee too.... and just like if someone was yelling at me I would tune out too. i know it's so hard. good luck!

[boomba]

Oh hun how scary...big hugs and well done on stayting so calm xxx

[Rach75]

thanks everyone

I think he's knows what he did was wrong as he said sorry and why he was sorry and that he wont do it again without any prompting

he ended up staying in his room for about 40-50min has been somewhat better behaved than the last month or so...certainly well up till a hr ago hadn't bugged me or made me get irritated

[BrightSparkles]

HOw scary for you hun.

So... an alternative. maybe try this: Get a price of paper and draw the situation: Jack and Luke on the front step. Then draw you with a very sad face. He might scrunch it up but it might sink in. Kids are visual. You don't have to be an artist..... just stick figure.... point out who is who. sometimes doing something different in itself has impact. I have a tendency to banshee too.... and just like if someone was yelling at me I would tune out too. i know it's so hard. good luck!

I like this idea. Might try it