Do I need to socialise my baby?

[Kristin27]

I've had some troubles lately with my 3 month old DD screaming when anyone else but DH or I pick her up. I think she has a sensitivity to pefume (I've started another thread in relation to this!) because the people she cries around when being held are my mum, sister, MIL and friends who all wear strong perfume, plus it has upset her when I've worn it. Anyway, one of them suggested that I don't socialise DD enough and I should get her used to different people holding her?? What do you all think about this?

[onthefly]

I would say she's far too young for you to be concerned about social skills - it's far more likely that she's upset by the perfume. Can you ask them to not wear it for a day and see if it makes a difference? Babies that young usually aren't too worried about different people pickign them up (not saying there's something wrong with your DD, just think this suggests that she's reacting to perfume or something like that).

[BhoysGirl]

I often think that the comments people make about "socialising" your baby by sharing them around (ie pass the parcel) are more of a comment about what they want, rather than what is best for your bub. If it were my baby, then I'd be holding onto her if that was what kept her happy & content, and definitely not worrying about what other people are saying. She'll more than likely grow to like other people & interact with them more as she gets older, but at 3 months, I don't think that it's entirely reasonable to put a baby into situations that distress her, even if the people wanting to hold & cuddle her are well meaning.

[onthefly]

at 3 months, I don't think that it's entirely reasonable to put a baby into situations that distress her, even if the people wanting to hold & cuddle her are well meaning.

Totally agree

[Laranna]

Totally agree with the other posts. However, my DS went through the same thing, screamed the house down if someone other than me or DP held him. Now that you mention it, it was only my mum, sister and MIL that he cried for too, but none of them wear perfume, so I didn't link it to anything. I just thought it was a bit of him just wanting only his mummy and daddy. He's got past it now and will happily be cuddled by others most of the time.

[Kristin27]

Thanks for your replies. I agree BhoysGirl, I think the comment was more about what this person wanted (cuddles) not what is best for my DD. It does really distress DD and takes me ages to calm her so I think I'll be holding onto her for now.

Thanks

[Mum0809]

My DS went through the same thing at about this age. I just stopped letting people hold him . I think it annoyed a few people but better then DS getting distressed. Now he will go to anyone and everyone, even people he doesn't know. I think if I had pushed him onto people he wouldn't be so social now. I think your DD just needs her mummy. She will go to other people when she is ready. Don't let people make you feel bad about it!!!

[Emma1979]

totally normal... your baby is smart and wants her mummy!!

my dd is 18 months and is now going thru a mummy phase, if anyone (besides her gran or gramps because she knows them so well from being there 3 days a week) comes over to the house she is straight into my arms.... even family, kids, etc, i am putting it down to a shy phase.... but a 3 month old who just wants her mum just wants her mum... to be honest they don't really play with other kids etc until they are closer to the 2 year mark, but i think from around 15 months or so its nice for them to be around other kids, even for them just to watch, as they don't exactly 'interact' that much....

good luck!! just trust your instincts, the comments won't stop coming so you just have to find your confidence and know in your heart you know whats best... its tough!

[krysalyss]

I think rather than considering it 'socialisation' think of it as 'positive exposure'.
Expose her to positive experiences of different natures but dont force her to interact or participate. Not exposing her will shelter her too much and forcing her out of her comfort zone will only make her fearful. Just take her leads and she will develop as she should. Hope this helps.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I never made DS "socialise", no matter who wanted cuddles. He cries, he's back to me NOW. Annoyed everyone for the first year! Now he loves playing with people he's introduced to individually. A big social event and he wants people he knows - even if he only sees them 3-4 times a year, like my sister (he adores her). He'll play with my sister within 5 seconds of seeing her for the first time in months, but in a big "party" situation he doesn't want to meet new people without someone safe there.

I think that's very healthy and that DH is exactly the same - stays with people he knows or clings to me because he doesn't know all my cousins yet. (To be fair, I struggle with cousin's cousins or my dad's cousin's children or my grandma's cousin's children and grandchildren a bit too.) Would you like it if you met a new branch of the family and your only safe point deserted you?

[Kristin27]

Thanks everyone, you're right I think it's just time, and not forcing her, if she cries - take her back. Not worth distressing her to please someone else.

We were at a party on the weekend and she was pretty upset when we got there because everyone was in her face! Poor darlin. I then put her in the hug-a-bub so no one asked to hold her and she felt safe with me. As things went on she improved and had a couple of little cuddles with people I selected, but as soon as she got a bit grizzly I took her. Seemed to work well. Small steps.

You're all so right, DD's happiness is more important than others having a cuddle.