You are most certainly not alone

I felt the EXACT same way when DS1 was born. I was so overwhelmed with love and adoration for him, but at the same time, i was like the living dead. I was SO tired, and so mentally and physically exhausted. He used to feed every 3 hours around the clock, until he was at least 4 or 5 months old, and he was extremely hard to settle. As he got older he actually got harder to settle, and by the time he was 6 months, he could lay in his cot and would scream for hours if I'd let him (not that I did let him, but I'm just saying, he had such willpower and would fight sleep and would rather lay there and scream until I would go and pick him up).

I too felt so ripped off that others had babies who slept through the night at 8 weeks, I felt so useless and pathetic and the lack of sleep really messed with my head. In hindsight, I should've stopped trying to be the "perfect" mum and stopped trying to turn him into the "perfect" baby. I used to try all the settling techniques etc, and in the end I just got totally overwhelemed and confused.

When DS2 came along, I tried to be much more relaxed, I would take him to bed with me if it meant he stopped crying, I cuddled him heaps and basically just went with the flow and tried not to turn every day into a battle. He's a much more relaxed baby than DS1 was, I don't know if its personality related or if he can pick up on the fact I'm more relaxed. Whatever the case, I just want to tell you it WILL get better, I promise you.

DS1 is now almost 3 and he sleeps really well at night, all night long. Thats another reason why I think I handle it better when DS2 still wakes me during the night. I know this phase will pass as I've been there before.

Good luck, I hope it gets better for you soon. Being a first time parent to a baby who is unsettled really is hard and makes you feel lonely, but remind yourself that you're not alone, and that it will get better eventually.