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Thread: Does having a 'good' baby determine if your having another???

  1. #1

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    Default Does having a 'good' baby determine if your having another???

    Please note, i use the term 'good' very loosely. I realise there are no good vs bad babies, and im not trying to put these little people into categories. I only had so much space to write what i wanted you ladies to comment on....

    At a few bbq's over the easter weekend and a few woman commented that 'my girls' must have been 'good' babies' for me to want another.... . By 'good' i presumed they meant were good sleepers, eaters, didnt get sick, well behaved etc........True, my girls were 'good' babies, but i questioned myself later, if they were ; colicy, refluxy, shocking sleepers, always sick etc etc, would i still have had another? i guess i will never know, as this is our last. But i just wondered after these women said this, does the experience with your first/second/third etc contribute to the decision to have another?? I think with these women it did.

    Interested in your thoughts....


  2. #2

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    When Kimberley was a baby she was a very bad sleeper at night she would scream for hours and it never put me off from having anymore kids.

    I think some are lucky to have wonderful sleepers as there first but i know some that have trouble with the next one.
    I've been lucky with Alexnader and Eleanor both have been good sleepers.

  3. #3
    Cath78 Guest

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    I've heard many people say how good their first one was and their second was shocking! and vice versa so you can't be guaranteed another 'good' one.

    My DD is a 'good' baby. Sits and plays happily by herself, slept through at 4 months, great with routines, good day sleeps, not too much of a fussy eater etc. Given that I still think that not all are the same so having a 'good' baby does not make me want another (But she has many health problems which hopefully will work out in time. This has definitely put me off having more!!!)

  4. #4

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    I have had people ask me why I would possibily consider having a second child after Matilda.... she was refluxy, colicy, strong willed and is in a great tantrum way atm. I have asked them if they are the same to their siblings? Do they have the same personalities or vary? I am similar to my brother, but completely different personality wise...

    In the same way Jovie is completely different to her sister. She still has reflux, but she sleeps much better at night, she is pretty happy most of the time definately not a screamer. And if she gets upset about something she is easily distracted...

  5. #5

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    My DD was what was classified as a "good baby" (in fact even now most days she still is!). She was a very pleasant, easy going, independant, good sleeping and eating baby. Before having her we had already determined that we were going to have 3 children, it was something we had always discussed.

    DS on the other hand would be what I would classify as a "hard work" baby, he's not "bad" but he is certainly no walk in the park like his sister. He is clingier, not as independant and his sleeping is horrendous. Sometimes in the middle of the night after another screaming episode or afetr minimal sleep DH will mutter the words "Thats it no more kids", but then the next morning when we talk about it he will say it was simply a reaction cause he was so tired and he definitely wants at least one more.

    So I can certainly see how after having a "bad" child some people will be put off, especially as lack of sleep can be such a horrible experience that you may not want to go thru it again.

    I know of some people who have had a "bad"child as their second baby and have openly said that if the "bad" one had been first they may not have had a second... So the answer to your question mbear would have to be yes, I can see how having a "bad" child would certainly influence the descion (sp?) to have more, just in our case it doesnt.

  6. #6

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    Flynn is a dream baby, so much so I used to call him my fake baby when he was little because he was so placid as a newborn (I actually used to worry he was brain damaged or autistic, he just never seemed fazed by the usual things that upset babies). So he has definately made me more "secure" in making the decision for another child so soon, in that I feel that if the next bub is a challenge I can at least (fingers crossed) count on Flynn to not be too much trouble. But that said we have always wanted 3 kids each 18 months after the other.....

  7. #7

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    I have recently realised why I waited so long to have no 2!! My girls have both been big whingers and initially very very bad sleepers (only initially though). I am now really struggling AGAIN, with teething, whinging and crying constantly in the car, and always always having to be on the move, NEVER being happy sitting still. I am exhausted and YES it contributed to me waiting so long (mind you I LOVE My gap).
    But I am seriously considering the third and have told DH it will take me another two years to decide. I think though that ultimately the decision wouldn't be about their behaviour, as I know with Tilly she was absolutely wonderful from two to five (won't comment after that) and Im hoping coco is the same.
    So for me, the decision isn't what the previous babies were like, the decision for me is based on this "Will I regret not having another one when Im older and my kids are grown up". xoxoox

  8. #8

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    My DD is 6.5 months and we've had some sleep issues, settling, waking often overnight, hasn't put me off a second but I just know I don't want a second for a few years yet.

  9. #9

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    Madison was a great baby, slept through from 3 months loved her food, had a little trouble getting her to sleep, but otherwise a good baby, now she has hit the teriable two's. Charlotte on the other hand wont touch food, has only eraally began sleeping through, but is a really great baby, most of the time she will play on the floor, she has her moments too. This has not stoped me from wanting another one, Ideally I would love to fall pregnant with the next year, but I just need to work on DH.

  10. #10

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    DS is a challenging baby (some would say "bad" but I prefer "high need") and no, it hasn't turned me off to having more. DH and I still want at least 3 and probably 4. However, instead of our original decision to have the babies 2 years apart we have decided not to have the next one until DS is 3 so that hopefully his sleep issues will have worked themselves out by then! Time will tell...

  11. #11

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    (some would say "bad" but I prefer "high need")
    I much prefer that term! Hmmm.. yes, we have a 'high need' bubba... hubby and I still want another.
    We jokingly say that it could only get better than the one we have now. (that sounds terrible, but it meant in a light hearted way - we love our son)

  12. #12

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    I dont think having a "bad" baby would turn me off having more but would prob mean I would space them out more in age so I didnt have 2 babies at the same time.

    You could never not love your baby though even if they were awful sleepers, eaters temper throwers. They will always be your babies and you will always LOVE them.

  13. #13

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    Kyla wasn't an "easy" baby due to being prem and the issues that go with it: the worry as to whether she'll live, the 10 weeks in hospital, BF problems, reflux, colic etc. She is however the apple of my eye and has brought so much joy to my life and I am now ttc #2! I hope that if I'm lucky enough to have another that it might be slightly easier next time, but if not I don't care, as long as I have the beautiful, individual human being that will bring even more joy to me and my family!

  14. #14

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    My ExH had a vasectomy at 28 because he "couldn't go through it again" He had 2 boys and apparently they were terrible at sleeping, badly colicky etc. One was still very clingy and "high maintenance" at the age of 8 - but that's his story.

    Mitchell was a total bugger and we hoped Elizabeth would be easier. It didn't change my decision to have another - my rationale was why we weren't sleeping eating or wearing clothes without spew - we might as well have another one soon and get it all out of the way!
    I think it's definatley a person thing - you know what you can and can't handle - but at the end of the day - it can't last forever can it!

  15. #15

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    mmmm interesting questions! . Kaitlyn is by no means a "good textbook baby" . She never slept more then 45mins as a newborn, still does not sleep through most nights , is a ver determined child so is not one to just relax in the pram while you shop or are with friends at their home or our home , was a good eater until about a week ago ..now wont sit in the highchair.....

    But when she smiles at me ...repeats a word I say or gives me a cuddle or kiss all I can say is WHERE DO I SIGN FOR MORE MORE MORE!.

    I want at least 3 ...and I dont care if I dont get a full nights sleep , live without a tantrum or get to go our for brekkie , lunch or dinner for years to come :-)

  16. #16

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    angelica was not a 'good' newborn. all she ever did was scream. at around 5months however, she changed (i think because she could communicate better). now (at 15months) she really is a little angel. i can honestly say that if she weren't such an angel (or was in fact like my little terror of a nefew) then i would definitely postponed having another (i cann't say how long for).

  17. #17

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    lol Lulu -
    we might as well have another one soon and get it all out of the way!
    Although our DS#1 slept through from an early age and didn't spew all the time he was not a smiley or happy baby. He seemed to form no bond with us at all, went to complete strangers without a blink but was very demanding in that he wanted us there doing things for him ALL the time but didn't actually want us. I would see all my friends babies being happy and smiley and looking like they genuinely liked their mums and wonder my mine didn't like me! It didn't put me or DH off having a second as i thought surely they wouldn't both be like that. Our second is the complete opposite and has been an absolute angel since birth in that he obviously likes us, comes for cuddles all the time and doesn't overly like strangers. he's also opposite in that he does spew everywhere (reflux) and doesn't sleep that great but that fact that we've completely bonded just makes it all wonderful. And now i want #3!!!!! (just to say also #1 has turned into a lovely chap since he turned 2 - he can still tantrum with the best but it's much less as the frustration of being able to communicate since he's been able to speak has gone away mostly, and now he likes his cuddles and smiles/laughs lots and is a normal little boy).

    ramble ramble!! sorry
    Julie x

  18. #18

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    My DS has always been an "easy/good" baby so im actually expecting to not be so lucky with the next. Haha

    My decision to have another has never been influenced by how my DS is.

    I do know of people that swear that if their second was their first child they would never have had another.

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