thread: E.A.S.Y vs Attachment parenting

  1. #1
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004
    Inner West, Sydney

    E.A.S.Y vs Attachment parenting

    With only six weeks (approx) till the birth of our first baby i was hoping to gain some insight from some of you experienced mums with regards to styles of parenting.

    Initially i was going with Tracey Hoggs E.A.S.Y plan as i have watched her use this on her show the baby whisperer and was quite impressed, but am now also looking at attachment parenting. I wouldnt use co-sleeping but only as im scared of the baby being squashed but am really interested in carrying baby in a sling for most of the day.

    My query really is can you use attachment techniques as well as have a baby that will sleep in a cot away from you and also does the baby gain the confidence and independence that is described from attahcment parenting.

    Any of your views and experiences would be greatly appreciated.


  2. #2

    Mar 2004

    There is an article on the main site called cuddle-me-mum that you might find interesting.
    There are so many different theories around about parenting that its hard to know who might be right but the thing that I try and keep in mind is that no-one has written a book about my baby yet. You could be a dedicated advocate of attachment parenting and find yourself with an indpendant little person who would really prefer thier own cot or you might want your child to sleep in a seperate room only to find that they won't settle without plentiful cuudles and sleep best beside you.
    I read lots of baby books and websites and what I try to do is adopt what suits me and Yasin and ignore what doesn't suit us.
    Whilst I think that attachment parenting has some great aspects I also have a few issues with it. Mainly that there is an assumption that if you're having problems with your baby it is an indication that you're not attached enough which in turn creates the potential for massive amounts of guilt.

  3. #3
    Life Member

    May 2003
    Beautiful Adelaide!

    Before I had Olivia I read stacks of books/articles on different styles of parenting, in an attempt to figure out what "style" we would adopt.

    And do you know, to this day, I am not really sure what happened, but from the minute she was born, the books started gathering dust and I honestly couldn't "lable" what we do!

    I agree with a lot of things that dachlostar has said, essentially that all babies are different and that you need to adopt what suits your baby and you.

    For instance, Olivia was carried around sleeping on me in a sling for a fair while, (4 weeks?) but then she grew out of it herself (ie couldn't/wouldn't sleep comfortably in it) and needed to sleep in her hammock instead.

    I think if you keep adaptable, use whatever feels right/works at the time, look after yourself and your relationship, the practicalities of which parenting style fall into place gradually, with flexibility.


  4. #4
    BellyBelly Member

    Aug 2004

    theories about parenting? great if you are an academic doing this for your reseach paper or thesis....

    but don't need to 'adopt a style' .... go with what your heart says and what suits your lifestyle....this is a little human being, who needs your love and closeness and guidance throughout their entire life.. and I am sure you will make a wonderful parent...

    Sometimes new parents can do too much reading and listen to too much advice about babyhood, child rearing etc.

    Do what YOU and your partner thinks is best and be prepared to stop and change things along your journey with your child...and don't be limited by what books or theories suggest.

  5. #5
    Debbie Lee Guest

    Heather - from my short experience (Gabby is only 2 months old), I have found that it has been much easier since I threw all theories out the window and listened to my heart.
    While I didn't necessarily try to follow a major plan, I was hell bent on "routine" and was practically bashing my head against a brick wall when Gabby didn't seem to follow it. I was finding BFing very labourious and difficult and I was stressing out whenever she wouldn't settle herself to sleep.
    The reason why people say that the first 6 weeks is sheer hell is because you and your baby are just getting to know each other. It is amazing how things start falling into place.
    I have found that books are great as a reference but I try not to treat them as gospel because every baby and every parent is different.
    Try to listen to your instincts. It may not be apparent to you but they will be there. You will know when something isn't right and you will figure out what is best for your baby. I know now that Gabby likes to be cuddled to sleep and sometimes on the boob. She will not settle herself to sleep no matter how hard I try. That's her thing!
    Good luck with it all!

  6. #6
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Oct 2003
    Forestville NSW

    I did the same thing. I read heaps of books and decided on a "style" (attachment) and then when Matilda was born and screamed for hours upon hours and wasn't well... I fell apart. I found the sling to be fantastic, and I wouldn't live without it still, BUT listening to your heart is the best advice, and I reckon Pinky McKay's books have helped me through many a rough arvo.

  7. #7
    Debbie Lee Guest

    Thanks Shannon! It is getting heaps easier and I am slowly enjoying the experience now. Thanks for all you support and advice.

    I agree, Christy. Pinky McKay's books are awesome!

  8. #8
    Custardtart Guest

    The five essential steps of parenting:
    1. Listen to all advice everyone tells you
    2. Pray for wisdom
    3. Ignore no. 1
    4. Repeat no. 2
    5. Trust your gut instinct!

    I hope this helps

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004
    Inner West, Sydney

    Thanks ladies for your wonderful replies - i feel much better and have confidence from all your posts to follow my instincts.

  10. #10
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2004

    Don't ever listen to anyone who tries to tell you that what you are doing is 'wrong' and that baby should do this, shouldn't do that etc. I think books can be great as a reference, particularly as bub gets older (and turns into a toddler, which is a whole new kettle of fish) but I firmly believe that parenting style is unique to everyone.
    Also don't listen to anyone who says that if you pick your baby up when they cry and if you rock or feed your baby to sleep that they will grow up too attached and will never learn to settle themselves - so not true.

  11. #11
    Kellee Guest

    I just wanted to say that it sounds like you'll be a great mum, heather. It's wonderful that you're thinking about it now, because you'll have some ideas about what you can do in certain situations as they arise. It's good to know about everyone's "theories" because you can borrow bits from different theories and make up your own! Follow Custardtart's advice and things will be fabulous.

  12. #12
    katanya Guest

    I think everythings been said here about following your instincts being the best possible parenting style, that said sometimes it is great to read about ways other people parent, and things to try if things aren't working..

    I didin't read heaps of stuff when pregnant, I already work with children and I thought I knew how I would be when I had my own baby. Actually the parent I thought I'd be and the baby I thought I'd have were opposites like Christy found. I was thinking along the lines of baby in the cot from birth, early child care, etc..

    I read some ideas about responding quickly to babies cries when pregnant but apart from that I just did what I felt right with.

    When Felix was born, it felt so right being close to him, and he was so happy if he was constantly close to me, screamed when alone but would eat and sleep and never cry if he was next to I just took him everywhere, carried him in a sling constantly for the first 3 months, co-slept with him(with one sleep of the night in the bassinette, and later moved the cot next to the bed) immeadiately to his crying etc..I found info on attachment parenting and the style that I had adopted with Felix had a NAME! I didn't decide to be an attached parent, it just happened in responding to the cues that Felix was giving me and how I felt about parenting him.

    Next baby what will I do? I will have to wait to meet them to discover what they need? I remember reading what Christy wrote about Matilda not responding to co-sleeping despite her willingness too, next baby would be the same for me?

    I also read pinky McKay's books, the thing I love about them is that they enpower you as a parent, not teach you the best thing for your unique unit, trust your own instincts, if something you are following feels wrong, it probably is..never listen to the baby "trainers" who say baby's should do this and they should do that.. Sleep is a huge one, Felix has feed to sleep all his life and now just recently will lay down with me eyes open after his night routine and I can leave him to "self settle" control crying required. This is despite all those nurses saying never feed your baby to sleep, huh..I say show me someone who has NEVER feed their baby to sleep, breast or bottle!

    If you are worried about co-sleeping please read Kelly's article on the main site, SAFE co-sleeping is a must, but sleeping with your child is one of the most wonderful expereinces in the world..dont miss out it through fear..

  13. #13
    BellyBelly Member

    Sep 2004
    Inner West, Sydney

    Katayna thank you for your advice - actually co-sleeping really does scare me - terribly. I would just be absolutely terrified that i would roll on bub. Also DH has a wine or two a night and i read that that was one very big no no. I too have worked with children and also thought that i would do the cot thing and the no spoiling thing, but im realising that we dont give babies the credit that is due to them. I now believe that they are much more involved than just stimulus response based ie give them the boob and they will need the boob always.

    Im thinking now that as you all have mentioned that we will meet the bean and see what s/he needs to be a happy, contented and nurtured baby.