This topic has been a big problem between my DH & I. I seem to have a knack for creating mummy's boys!
DS#2 is almost 8 months old and very, very clingy. He has had separation anxiety since he was around 4 months of age. I know it is completely normal and loads of babies go through it, but DS just seems so extreme. If I even LOOK like I'm about to leave the room he starts to cry, then literally screams. He gets so distressed it is heartbreaking. I have always picked him up as soon as he shows distress and I try and minimise our separation by taking him with me everywhere. There are times when he does have to be left to cry (for example, if my DS1 has injured himself), but most of the time I try and avoid this.
My DH always has a go at me for carrying him around so much and he says that I have created this behaviour in DS2 by always picking him up. I find the whole thing just gets me so stressed out and makes me doubt myself and my mothering. I am a real softie and I don't like to leave my boys in a distressed state, I'm always quick to reach out and offer cuddles and comfort. I just CAN'T leave my bub lying on the floor screaming when I know he just wants me.
So...do you think I have created this problem or do you think it is just my DS's personality that makes him this way? DS1 has always been a mummy's boy too, but he was never as extreme as DS2.
I love my boys so much, but I'm worried I'm doing the wrong thing by them. Am I making them too dependant on me?
trish- i'm no expert but from what i have read in 'the science of parenting' you are absolutely doing the right thing.
you are not creating dependency- you are doing the absolute opposite in fact and creating security.
it is not your fault- you are following your instinct and meeting your son's needs. sounds perfect to me!
Trish, I don't know much about parenting however I do know one thing, you are a BRILLIANT mummy and I know that just by chatting with you and reading your posts!
You're doing the right thing and you're doing what feels right as a Mum.... your boys are still very young remember too.... they will become more independent as they get older.
i dont see how this could be 'wrong' at all... you are doing a FAB job. i am sure you will nurture their independence when the time comes and they will be all the more secure for the base you have provided for them.
Trish - there is no way known that you are doing the wrong thing, you are doing what comes naturally to you... I'm with you, I can't leave T to cry either. Your their mum, its your job to be there for them!
Trish - I would say you are fulfilling his needs and that its who he is... you would be a bad mother if you weren't making him a happy bub, but since you are doing what is best for him, you are making HIM happy.
I'm sure it will pay off in the future.
And whats wrong with mummy's boys? I've got one.. and I feel bad about all the times that I did let him cry when all he wanted was a cuddle from me because I didn't want to make a mummy's boy (too much time listening to other people's opinions!!) and now I just go with the flow.. .and you know what? He doesn't want to be picked up as much as he used to be...
Go with your instinct honey, you're a great mum!!!!
I think what your doing is fine. If K wants his mummy..he wants his mummy!
Im the mean mummy and does the opposite and touchwood have had no problems with anxiety as yet....time will tell when Jasmine starts FDC on the 8th July....but she goes to anyone most of the time so hoping all is well.
It's normal development. Don't override your DS's instincts (unless you really need the loo or something) and he'll grow out of them soon enough. He won't still be clinging to your skirts at 7 if you let him let go on his own accord.
My DS was as clingy as clingy could be, now he's not. Well, sometimes he just wants Mummy, but that's happening less and less these days. I miss it! My DH is tougher too - wasn't it so much easier in the days men didn't get involved at all before children were 2-3 years old and you'd have girlfriends and nice grandmothers helping? That's when they need more rules and more Daddy sort of love!
Extreme separation anxiety - Is it my fault?
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