Failing miserably

[Beach Mama]

Oh darls You are completely normal and not failing at all. It is such a huge change with so many emotions and not many people can cope with zero sleep without some feeling of resentment and tiredness I found my baby blues (not PND) hit at around the 2 week mark because the warm glow of what we had made wore off and the sleeplessness kicked in. What worked for us was getting a hammock. He was cocooned and actually slept in it instead of on us. He hated his bassinette even if we tried propping him up a bit with towels etc. He had a wee bit of reflux. I would be super worried about sleeping with him on you like that babe. We did it too and I would wake up terrified that I had dropped him (or that DH had dropped him or smothered him in his sleep). I would be looking at ways that you can try to settle him. Completely normal, do not beat yourself up for feeling resentful of the crying, you are resenting not having sleep because of the lack of sleep not resenting having a baby at all if that makes sense. Slight difference but a big one. xoxox

ETA: Do you have any support around you? Can someone come and watch him during the day so you can rest? Is your DH home right now - can you take it in turns at night? Try and get some fresh air each day if you can, if someone comes over go for a 10 min walk ALONE. It is really important that you take some time out even if it is to have a long hot shower

[CeCe]

I've just read your 'what happened after' thread and you've been through, and are still processing so much. I had issues, although nowhere near the extent of yours, after birth which left me reeling. I cried for the first 3 weeks at anything and I also dreaded my DS waking up so I'd have to deal with him. I loved him, as you do your DS, but the thought of him waking and me having to deal with him when I felt I was hardly in control of myself was really overwhelming. You are not alone, nor is this anything to be ashamed of.

As for bonding with your baby, people often comment that my DS "only has eyes for me" so our rocky early start has not been detrimental. There is plenty of time to nurture the love between you, so don't put too much pressure on yourself and take care of you so you can then care for your DS.

I had my mother from interstate with us and she was a great support. Doing washing, letting me sleep when I asked her etc. As Tanstar suggested, do you have anyone you can call on for similar support? I think contacting the counsellor is a good idea, even if it is for reassurance that what you are feeling can be quite normal and will pass with time and support. It must seem all so hard atm but just take it step by step, and ask for help here or elsewhere, when you need it.