Hey Widdly,
I had the same dilemma as you when I was pregnant with Gabby. Neil refused to even consider finding out the sex (he reckons it makes the birth a non-event :roll: ). As much as I tried to put my feelings aside, I really wanted to know. I had always said that I would find out the sex of my babies during pregnancy. Also, we don't have a lot of money so I wanted to know whether to concentrate on pink or blue.
Annnnyyway, with our first ultrasound, we did the same as Nell - we asked the sonographer to write the sex on a piece of paper. I had discussed it with Neil. I wanted to put it in an envelope and decide later if I wanted to have a look.
We had heard that at Geelong hospital, they have a policy that if only one of a couple wants to know the sex, they don't divulge so we thought the note on the paper would be a way around it.
We had a really grumpy sonographer and he said "You guys just want to do this because only one of you wants to know!". He was right, but how dare he presume! He outright refused. He said that it's a policy of his not to write anything down. Honestly!
I accepted that I wasn't going to find out and he continued with the ultrasound. The baby wasn't in the right position to get the view of the heart that he wanted so he said I would need another ultrasound in another few weeks.
I ended up going to the second ultrasound on my own. Neil couldn't really ask for another morning off work and I figured it would just be a quick one anyway.
I ended up getting the same grumpy sonographer and he was still dry and unapproachable but I thought I would ask anyway. "I'd like to find out the sex of the baby this time, please".
He said, "Let's see what the baby is doing first, shall we?".
He did the heart stuff first and then checked out the baby's bits. He said, "It looks like a girl".
So, there you go! I found out what we were having.
I decided not to tell Neil that I even knew. A few people said I was being deceptive but I didn't see it that way. Neil really didn't want to know. His wish was for it to be a surprise. Had he known that I already knew, he might have picked up "girl" vibes. As much as I was really careful not to give anything away, who knows what I might have said unconciously? Because he didn't even know that I knew, if I let a "she" slip, I would just say "he" next time.
I told my sisters and 2 close friends that I was having a girl. This way I had a few people that I didn't have to be "careful" around. It definitely helped. Oh... and people on Belly Belly knew too
Neil still doesn't know that I knew - but only because I don't see the point in telling him. If he asks me, I will tell him. I doubt he will be upset with me - if anything, he will probably be happy that I didn't let it slip and ruin the surprise for him.

If we have another baby, we plan on finding out the sex but not telling anyone. HTH!