Given A Choice ?

[~Kim~]

I find it works very well for us too. I've always given options instead of say time-out, as I find that a useless tool.

Unless it's something dangerous or seriously wrong, I use options for pretty much anything. Obviously my DD is a bit older, but we've used it forever, and even though DS' language skills are still up and coming, he has a very good idea of how it all works.

Defiance/being naughty/whatever youu want to call it, is about them pushing your boundaries. Setting out my boundaries for her makes them less difficult to interpret I think and so less likely for her to feel out of control.

I also find that if I say something like "These are the things I need to get done, how can you help me?" or how long do you think it will take us? instead of telling her what she has to do now far more effective. She still has some control, but the task/s is known.

[Lenny]

I've always given options instead of say time-out, as I find that a useless tool.

Can you give me ideas on how you do this Kim? DS1 refused to wash his hands after going to the toilet this morning. I wasn't going to drag him but i was kind of flummoxed. I explained the reasons but he wasn't into reasoning. Time out was all i had! And that's not a great tool here, because he them puts his foot down and won't come back out! So he wins twice.

What could i have said? You either wash your hands now or ...?

[~Kim~]

Probably something like we have to wash our hands, everybody has to, but when you're done we can...... or......

However, I'm so not into confrontation, that I keep baby wipes for that very tantrum....

I find that too with time out.

[onthefly]

Let's wash our hands, then we can.... works well with DS sometimes.
OTherwise maybe you can explain how he won't be able to eat anything as his hands are yucky...?
Or maybe ask him if he'd like to press down the soap dispenser/get the towel/something else to be a part of the process?

[Mum2SweetCs]

Can you give me ideas on how you do this Kim? DS1 refused to wash his hands after going to the toilet this morning. I wasn't going to drag him but i was kind of flummoxed. I explained the reasons but he wasn't into reasoning. Time out was all i had! And that's not a great tool here, because he them puts his foot down and won't come back out! So he wins twice.

What could i have said? You either wash your hands now or ...?

DD has days like these

i usually sing "every body wash them wash them wash them every body wash them just like this", every body shake them shake them ... everybody dry them ....
u know that song? that way she listens lol

[Moi]

I've always given M lots of choices but usually between two things I want her to choose from. I think it does help avert tantrums and gives her some control over her life. Plus I think they do enjoy helping because it gives them a sense of importance and ability and they get to spend time with their mums! Today M asked if she could help me put away the dishes, before I even was planning to do them.