DD went to childcare today for the first time. i usually rock her to sleep and they said they would do this. however, they said they tried to but she wouldnt let them so the lady put her in the cot and left the room. hannah was crying of course, but after they tell me 5 minutes, she had fallen asleep by herself. hannah is almost 11 months and never in her life has she fallen asleep by herself, especially after crying for a while.
firstly, i feel bad for hannah cause she must have been emotionally upset at being left but on the other hand i dont want to rock to sleep forever and she has to learn tof all asleep by herself. maybe it will be easier this way if they do the hard work for me, they seem to be able to tune out babies crying even when i see her doing her most heart renching cry they dont react like i do.
I think it's a good thing.... although I understand it must be tough for you. Thankfully you don't have to be there to witness her crying.
As you said; you don't want to rock her to sleep forever... so at some point you would want to break that cycle (as the child probably wouldn't just stop it).
And if the day care can get Hannah into self settling - it will be so much easier for you to try it.
The day care said she only cried for 5 minutes - and that's not really a long time. And after a morning of running around - and a new environment - she was probably tired too. She is so used to you rocking her - she may not feel comfortable in someone elses arms.
I don't think day care staff "tune out" babies crying - but they know the different cries - grizzles, tiredness, and genuine distress. I'm sure they would not leave her to cry for a long time, or if she was really upset.
Having gone to sleep school twice myself - I learnt to listen out for the different cries. As a mother it is hard to leave your baby in their cot to cry... but it is one way to get your child to self settle themselves. So long as you don't leave them too long, and the crying is not really distress. (as opposed to grizzling and crying for your attention - normally they don't shed much actual tears).
I am sure that Hannah will get into a new routine at Day care. Playing, eating, sleeping... she will love the new environment and will adapt to their routine very quickly. When you are ready - you can try the same settling technique that they do. You may be surprised to find that she is quite happy to go to sleep without the need to be rocked.
I say it is a good thing what they did. Hopefully it will mean you don't have to keep rocking her to sleep and it's made the break to going to sleep on her own easier for you.
I have to rock Eleanor to sleep and i am about to start just sticking her to bed, i am really not looking foward to that.
I remember that awful heavy gut feeling in the pit of my stomach over a similar situation that happened almost 3 years ago. It sticks with you too. For your own comfort what I would suggest is stay at day-care, or visit just before her naptime. Most centres have an area you can hide to see how your babies are coping. Are you able to do that? Maybe your baby is different when you’re not around. I know my daughter is. See for yourself what happens. Also try getting her to favour a naptime only cuddle toy at home. Make it smell like you, take this everyday to day-care so that she can relate that particular time of day to sleep. She may just not want anyone else so the toy is a great way for her to comfort herself.
Good Luck
Hi Hollo, not sure if it will make it easier for you. I breastfeed Maggie to sleep and I worried about what they would do at childcare. They did try her in the cot, but she freaked like I told them she would, I had requested that she sleep on a mat like the bigger kids (she was 1 when she started). That worked better for them and they managed to get her to sleep with patting, stroking and/or singing.
For me it has not stopped her from wanting to feed to sleep, but I think it helps for when DH has to put her down for a nap. I think she knows there are different rules for different places, so whilst she will still take a while to wind down at childcare she will go to sleep, but at home she still needs me.
I am hoping for you that what childcare has done benefits you in the long run. I was never happy when they let Maggie cry and would tell them so when they told me she had a cry before going to sleep. It might depend on the carer, but since she has had a change of carers this year she has not cried before sleep.
Last edited by Astrid; July 11th, 2007 at 09:24 PM.
: spelling
Hmmm thats a tough one... I can understand why you feel a little unsure... I would be exactly the same.
If it were me personally, I would be inclined to ask them if they can't hold her, can they at least stay with her to pat her off to sleep, so at least you know there is someone with her when she is upset
However that is just me...
I can also see the benefits of letting her learn to self settle, however, it may or may not be something that she ends up doing at home with you as well? (My son adopts different sleep behaviour for daycare, compared with at home).
I guess just see how things go during her next few days before you make up your mind how you feel/what to do about it?
Coming from an 'ex child care worker' (in the babies room) my opinion is that if they said it only took 5 mintues then thats pretty true. We never lied to the parents about stuff like that, we honestly told the mums if they kids were having a bad day etc. Thats not to say everyone is so honest, but I don't think they'd fabricate the story that much.
Children also act different when their parents aren't around. It may be that with you she would fuss around more so than at day care.
I tend to agree with the majority of the posts. I used to spend a lot of time at Jack's day care when he was in the babies room (day care was right near work so I fed him every lunchtime, often spent time reading to him before leaving, or waiting there with him in the afternoon until DH finished work). The carers were amazing and treated the babies really well. They would never leave a distressed baby to cry (unless the parent had requested them to do so, which did sometimes happen). Jack used to refuse to sleep there as he hated missing anything. After I had fed him at lunchtime they would spend ages patting him, rocking him, whatever it took to finally get him to sleep. I was also so pleased to see their patience, commitment and geniune caring.
So I am sure that 5 minutes was pretty close to just that, and that her cries were more the self-settling kind than the distressed kind. However if you are unsure, why don't you talk to them about it some more when you are there next, and explain to them what you are and are not comfortable with. Once you have confirmed this with them you should be able to feel better about them looking after her the way you would.
Oh, and I agree totally with Ambah - they are different at day care to home - Jack actually slept really well at home!
I personally would be a bit upset if that happened to Annika, but that is because she goes from 0 to 100 in thirty seconds flat. The other day at playgroup, one of the workers took Annika into another room for probably about 10 minutes, thinking she was helping with her attachment issues by taking a hard stand. I ended up bawling my eyes out in front of a room full of people, and when I got Annika back she was an odd shade of red/purple. It absolutely traumatised us both. I don't believe in the crying it out method at all, perhaps you could ask one of the workers to wear her in a sling? Or even stand over her in the cot, patting the mattress?
Reply With Quote
BellyBelly Member
a good thing or a bad thing....
Bookmarks