It is really hard even when you do decide to not raise/punish your children in the ways that you were raised. there was alot of learned behaviour during our own childhoods - kids are sponges for learning! So, like what TFB has offered I recommend arming yourself with some positive role-model parenting behaviour. be that a friend that you cherish that also has more gentle parenting approaches (and be brave to ask them how they deal with crap days...sometimes it can feel that other parents just swan through parenting without crappy, teary challenging days...which is bollocks of course, but when the confidence is down, well, you know what it's like...).

have a google search for some gentle parenting sites (like pinky) and the one that resonates most with you, go and then begin implementing their strategies. it's not going to happen overnight...we are talking about undoing alot of learned behaviour. I have found in my journey that is not so much the strategies of what to do with my kids bad behaviour, but how i deal with my own ITMS. I have had to do a lot of discovering regarding how do I handle the crap situations. In my case, alot of it is simple measures (simple in terms of application...not so simple in recognising in time to stop the reaction) like literally stepping back, taking a massive deep breath and explaining why what they have done is inappropriate/naughty/dangerous and how that can make the people around them feel...ie if one of the girls snatches/pinches etc the other one. I know that your DS is still a bit little for the big explanation, but the big breath and stepping back is still a valuable tool as a mum...oxygen is your friend so inhale it deeply and the stress of the situation will lessen i promise!