FWIW, I was raised in a smacking house, no other methods of discipline. "I was smacked and I'm OK" was the thinking behind it. Whereas I think "I was smacked and I'm not OK" - I do believe it lead to me fearing my parents' reactions and not trusting them when it came to talking about stuff in case it was used against me. While smacking my sister and I received wasn't physically abusive, I do think it causes damage - as you do from your posts.

I give myself time outs, so I can calm down. Liebling understands that when he has a "time out" now (not something to do with a baby!) it is about calming down, thinking about undesirable behaviour and how to change that. We still have "time ins" when we talk though this, but Liebs can do it for himself now so gets time outs too. For me, thinking about the desire to physically hurt a young person because they have irritated me, knowing that is wrong, and thinking how I can modify the situation/my response/my actions needs a good 10 minutes as a minimum! "Mamma's coffee time" also works at the end of the day.

And I have smacked my son. It's instinctive. The joy of being human is that we can overcome instinct and engage our brains to find a better solution - thus changing the instincts of our children and grandchildren. Interesting that I was hit at home and not at school: at home I have to think "it's not OK to hit" (less these days than years ago), but have never considered hitting a child at school, and they can be "naughtier" than Liebling.