HELP!! Clinging driving me bananas!

[julesy]

Hi everyone!

My DD is 16 months old and is absolutely driving me crazy with her clinging behaviour. She is a pretty smart kid for her age, and I think she may be reacting to the fact that my body is changing (I'm pregnant with twins due in March next year). I have no idea why she would be acting like this otherwise. I know they all go through stages of clinging, but is there anything I can do to try and discourage it?

It has got to the point where she has 'blue attacks' in the fit of a tantrum (when she doesn't get the reaction she wants from me...ie picking her up or giving her to someone else (like her father) to hold. She literally holds her breath in mid scream and almost passes out. It scares the *#@! out of me, but now I'm afraid of her doing it every time she doesn't get her own way.

Are kids capable of manipulative behaviour at this age?? I am in desperate need of advice, it's getting harder and harder for me to pick her up all the time or even get down on the floor to play with her.

She has sort of had me all to herself for her whole life, as DH goes away A LOT...maybe this is also a reaction to his being home for longer than a few weeks at a time????

Please help!!

Julesy

[Deltadawn]

Hi Julesy ..... I dont have any kiddies yet (any minute now I hope) so I cant help you with your clinging problem (as frustrating as it must be) but I just wanted to let you know that it is physically impossible for a child to pass out from holding their breath. If a child holds their breath long enough to get that low on oxygen, the body has a reflex which overrides the breath holding and forces the child to gasp for air. So, it is quite safe to let her hold her breath and wait for her to give up. It shouldnt take long for her to realise that you have won!!!

[christy]

Well I disagree... as I've watched my daughter pass out from holding her breath. The good thing is once she's down she starts breathing again. Another trick I learnt was when she started to hold her breath to give her a little squirt with a water pistol. That would make Matilda very upset, but it was better for me mentally to watch her rather than pass out.

Matilda did it from 20 months - 3 yrs old. She had pretty extreme tantrums & we got heaps of help through Triple P with ideas on how to help her deal with her emotions. She started having tantrums at 9 months old and at that age if I said "no" to anything or redirected her she would throw her body backwards. It was amazing to see such a young child try to exert their will.

I would suggest getting some strategies in place for you when dealing with the tantrums. How to avoid them & what you can do to help yourself during them.

[maddysmummy]

i used to look after a little boy who would hold is breath and mum told us to blow in his face when he did ti and look away straight after so that no attention was given to the fact he was throwing a tanti!! it did work but like anything with children it can take time!!

good luck!!

[julesy]

Thanks girls. I had heard somewhere about that autonomic breathing reflex, so I'm not too concerned about her doing herself any damage, it's so distressing to see!

What I am more interested in are some coping strategies and what to do to discourage such behaviour. Luckily, she doesn't do this with anyone but me and on occasion her father. Is it therefore something I am or am NOT doing?? Or is it just that she knows I will respond to her behaviour because she is aware of my limits as well? It is all so confusing, and so frustrating!!! I did a little bit of psychology at uni, but hated it!!! I should have listened harder!!!

Julesy

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

My baby is a few months old so I don't know from experience, but have you ever seen "Supernanny" and shows like that? They say to put a child on a "naughty chair/matt etc", 1 minute for each year old they are. If she gets up, just put her back on. I don't know how well this would work with a 16 month old though . . . sorry i'm not much help!

[stillhoping]

My cousin has just gone through this with her 18 month old daughter. She couldn't even go to the toilet with her DD screaming the door down. It does pass, so maybe just hang in there. It is a bit of separation anxiety.Maybe leave her with others for short periods of time so she knows that you do come back and then slowly increase the time. It should be with people she is familiar with to start with. good luck