HELP ME! 10 week old won't sleep....

[Arcadia]

Ok, so the first thing is to REALLY decide you want to do this. I ummed and ahhed over it for ages, until finally I was loosing it and had to something for my sanity.

Its perfectly normal to feed/rock/pat bub to sleep...and if you feel good, then keep doing it. But if you want to change then I recommend going with this approach, because its less harsh than the MCHN version.

You have to remember though, there will be some crying. I do not believe there is a no-cry solution to teaching self settling. The difference is knowing what the cry means. The "I don't want to sleep" cry should stop and start and be less intense (and without tears often). The "I'm distressed" cry is constant and you will WANT to pick your baby up. ALWAYS PICK UP A DISTRESSED BABY!!!!

I suppose the only other thing to remember is, the baby is crying because you are doing something new and they don't understand what is going on. If they didn't cry when you put them in the cot, then you wouldn't be seeking solutions to a sleeping problem.

So, what I did was...

Step 1 (for about 3 days and for those bubs that feed to sleep): STOP feeding to sleep, and try rocking, patting etc. I swapped the feeds to the start of the cycle, so a feed, play, sleep cycle.

Step 2: Experiment with ways of settling bub while in the cot. This is to help with step 6, so take it easy and try a few different ways. You may need to rock bub until drowsy and then finish the rest off in the cot. I found that by holding her hand and putting my cheek to hers and humming in her ear, she stopped crying. I recommend doing this until you have a real solution to stopping bub from crying while in the cot (try rocking the whole frame, singing, stroking...anything to stop them from crying).

Step 3. Decide on what day you will teach self settling and start putting bub in the cot to sleep ALL THE TIME. So stop the sling/pram/car tricks and concentrate on the cot. You may need to stay home a bit more, but don't stress if you have to go out. Aim for at least 2 sleeps in the cot per day.

Step 4: Start putting bub to bed in the cot when she shows tired signs. For us, this is total disengagement. I ignore yawns and basically say if she is too tired to smile or make eye contact it is time for bed (you will find they almost WANT to go to bed if you get the timing right)

Step 5: Have a pre-bed routine. For us this is a wrap/sleeping bag, sign a song, have a cuddle and straight in the cot. now she knows the signs and will grizzle when I start to sing, but is prepared for what happens next.

Step 6: The hard bit. Walk away for 30 seconds. If bub is quiet or grizzling (and they won't be for at least a week), then you're home and hosed. On the first time though, bub will probably protest LOUDLY, so come into the room quietly and start comforting them with your technique. You will stay in the room now until they're asleep.
You comfort them only until the crying eases off a bit. Then stop and count to 20 or 30. Then start comforting until the crying eases, then stop for 30 seconds. Its a real stop then start approach. The idea is you help bub calm themselves, but they not relying on you to settle them.

Repeat this until bub stops crying themselves. The first 24 hours or so, you will find the crying seems to peak and then eases off. I would literally comfort until she quietened and then block my ears and count to 20 or 30 before comforting again.

The first time took 20 mins, and for the first 48 hours or so there was a fair bit of crying. BUT she got the idea very quickly and within a week I could put her down with only a bit of a grizzle. After the first time, it should take less than 20 minutes to settle bub. If there is no change after 20 minutes, get bub up and assume you have misread the tired signs. In fact that is the hardest part to begin with...knowing when bub is actually ready for bed.

If at any time bub is too distressed, or you are, stop and give them a cuddle or quick (I mean 30 second) breastfeed to calm them down. Otherwise get them back up and try again when you see tired signs.

I never bothered with the re-settle idea. Once bub can self settle, you will find they will learn to resettle too (meaning when they're awake, just get them up and worry about the next sleep after the next feed etc).

Step 7: BE CONSISTENT! Babies learn from repetition and consistency, so you have to keep at it if you want it to work. Don't worry if you have to leave the house etc, but when you are home, use the cot and the technique.

Step 8: Be kind to yourself. You baby loves you and needs you to teach them basically everything about life, including sleep. They will be more alert and happier when they're sleeping better. They won't love you any less if you teach them self settling.

So..that's it. You will notice a difference in the amount of crying very quickly, and within a week you should be able to put bub down with some grizzling only (or nothing, which often happens here). We still have days where bub won't go down easily, so I abandon the cot and take her for a walk instead. I find bub will self settle and resettle 80% of the time though.

Sorry for the essay! HTH