How can I explain how babies get into their mother's tummy?

[Moi]

My just turned 4 year old DD asked me yesterday how babies get into their mother's tummy. I was taken completely by surprise and had no idea what to say. I told her I needed to think about how to explain it and she seemed happy with that. I am a big believer in being honest with kids but this has me really stumped on the best way to explain it to her, as the concepts are complicated. I would really love some advice on how to approach this with my 4 year old DD. If there are any good books too I would love to know about them. TIA!

[Doing my best]

I tell my 4 yr old that mummy and daddy have special adult cuddles that sometimes makes a baby (otherwise she would think every time we hugged a baby would be coming).. I don't see this as lying, just in a language they understand.

[Floweryfields]

Maybe something along the lines of 'when a mummy and daddy love each other and decide they would like to have a child, the daddy puts a seed in the mummy's tummy and a baby starts to grow'.
Not sure how to go about it if she wants to know the exact way he puts it in there though!

[Moi]

Maybe something along the lines of 'when a mummy and daddy love each other and decide they would like to have a child, the daddy puts a seed in the mummy's tummy and a baby starts to grow'.
Not sure how to go about it if she wants to know the exact way he puts it in there though!

LOL Thing is she asks questions all the time! So I wouldn't be surprised if she did ask how he puts a seed in there.

As for "special adult cuddles that sometimes makes a baby" I'm not sure if she would ask for more details. She has a need to know about absolutely everything. Which is great, until this question. But this might be my best option.

[nothing2lose]

Why don't you tell her the truth?

I was always open and honest with my DD. It demystifies it in my opinion.

[willow5]

If you aren't up for the whole truth yet and want to avoid explanations which may lead to more questions, what about Mummies have eggs in their tummy that grow into babies. You could go on to explain exactly where the eggs are and about ovulation and the egg travelling down the tube etc and how the baby comes out when it's born. Maybe with out adding a daddy into the conversation she might not ask about his role in the whole thing.
I always like to tell the truth too, but I really worry about other kids because my DS is an absolute parrot and repeats everything, So I do try to keep in mind he does talk to other kids who's parents may not be happy with their kids knowing every detail when they're not comfortable with it, or the kids aren't ready to process the info, and possibly be scarred for life lol IYKWIM.

So that explanation isn't lying even though it is excluding certain things. If she keeps asking maybe she's ready to know if she understands when it's appropriate to talk to other people about things then it's not a bad thing to learn good luck.

[Rouge]

All kids ask at 4. It's normal. But there's a reason why psychological experts have recommended guidelines for parents and sex education.

I had a baby and DD was 4 she saw the birth. But she didn't know anything about sex. IMO 4 is way too early.

[Floweryfields]

Why don't you tell her the truth?

I was always open and honest with my DD. It demystifies it in my opinion.

I;m not sure I'd feel comfortable telling my 4 year old about sex - I don't think that's something a 4 year needs to understand.

[chody47]

Hmmm this is tricky! I'm trying to think of what my parents told me (I asked how a baby gets out mummy's belly button when I was 8 and my sis was born). I think I was told the names of the genitals and then told that a sperm from Dad goes inside mum and grows into a baby and then it comes out the same way. So I wasn't told the exact details but just a overview. Would a simplified version like that be appropriate?

[Rouge]

Its not about lying to your child. It's about age appropriate information. And too much too soon can be just as damaging for a brain that doesn't understand the social impacts of sex.

I just told my children a seed grows in the mummies tummy. Sometimes there's a seed and sometimes there isn't. That was enough.

[Onelittleprincess]

You could look at the book 'where did I come from'. I remember looking at it when I was little. Was always there to ask questions

[Traveller]

My eldest was asking so many questions that I bought a "how your body works" book when he was 4 or 5 which explained (using robots) the whole process in an age appropriate way. It made it easier to talk about it when I had some guidance in the book and it made it easier for him to understand.

[Moi]

Thanks Traveller and Onelittleprincess I love the idea of getting books that can help explain in an age appropriate way.

I've looked at my local library and they have 'where did I come from' and links to other recommended books which is handy! I never knew they linked to other books. They must also have how the body works books too.

[nothing2lose]

There are other books too.

Mummy Laid an Egg and Where Willy Went are two good ones.

Also, Planned Parenthood in the US have a good site called Starts at Home all about teaching kids (yes, as young as four ) about sex.

Good luck!

[myturn]

I don't think 4 is too young... I think if they ask you tell them... as simply and with as minimal information as possible.... after all what's wrong with...

...the daddy's sperm meets the mummy's egg and it grows to make a baby..... (dd - what's sperm? mummy - it's like a seed)

.... the sperm comes out of the penis and goes into the vagina where the baby grows....

I'd be surprised if a she'd ask how the sperm gets to the vagina... but if she does..... the penis goes into the vagina....

it's only a big deal, because we make it a big deal.... I've never read any research anywhere that says not to tell a four year old.... I may be wrong... but.... what I know about child development is that you answer the questions when they ask... as SIMPLY as possible... and without embarrassment! because they may never ask again.

in my humble opinion anyway.... for what it's worth

p.s.... I agree with the story books... we read "What's happening to me" to DSD at 9... cause I kept waiting for her to ask and she NEVER did!! In fact I had to manufacture the actual sex talk... cause like n2l... I DO not want her learning it from anyone else but us...

p.p.s..... I'm not suggesting you say ALL of that... only answer her questions... short and simple... one step at a time....

[Moi]

Thanks nothing2lose - From what I've also read online (and yes I know that not everything is to be believed online) it is fine to introduce these concepts at four but no need to go into every little detail at this age, more because of the fact that they have low attention spans. I've been reading articles written by child psychologists, so I am tending to trust what they are saying. Some are saying slightly different things on how much detail to go into, but they all agree that it is appropriate to introduce sex education at age 4, just no need to go into every detail. I might also talk to some child psychologists to make sure the information is correct though.

Just saw your response myturn - and from what I'm reading what you've said is what child psychologists are saying.

[SunnyRain]

Ds started asking me at 2 when I was pregnant with dd. It has been a reoccuring question. I try to be honest about sperm from daddy joins with the egg inside mummy and a baby grows and grows. I'd get out my biology text book or look things up on google and show him diagrams of things. Lol, I'm my father's daughter.

I avoid sex or "penis and vagina" because I'm a little afraid he might get inquisitive about his penis and I don't want him to think maybe he could try something with dd. Although we have been very insistent it's something only adults do. But he has asked me several times if he can make a baby with me.

Obviously he is too young to understand why that would be terrible, or why it's physically impossible.

There are always going to be extra questions. Sometimes I just say "sorry, darling. This is one of those things you'll understand more as you get older."