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Backpack harness here too, my ds really likes it and loves walking along with it on and will also wear it at home for fun. I've had people make narky comments like "he's not a dog" and my reply is usually "it's not a collar or a choker chain". It's about keeping him safe, to me it in no way implies he's an animal, just an impetuous little boy
You were RAK'ed in 2015.
I flat out refuse to use a harness, just will not do it. I really dislike watching parents use them, the kids are being pulled and yanked in different directions, IMO boundaries arent really being set (well from what I can tell from friends who use them). (please don't take offence anyone)
We have rules when we go out and both girls know what happens if they break those rules. We turn around, we get back in the car, and will go home. If we get back to the car and they are behaving then we will continue shopping. They know they either hold my hand, Dh's hand or each others hand. If they feel the need to do a runner, then its trolley or stroller (although we dont take that very often anymore). Before giving up, I will bargain with them, normally its a cheesy roll to share, or something similar. But if the tantrum then continues in the trolley then straight to the car. I can always do my shopping another time if need be.
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Some of us aren't that lucky. I can't do it another time. I have 4 kids & no back up help. Shopping is also in the next town.
None of mine were bolters til now either, but the past few weeks DS (who's 3) has really been pushing it.
For me what do I do? I could strap him in the trolley & just put up with the screaming as I do now. There is no reasoning with him. Then have everyone in the supermarket *****ing about me (happened only last week, they winged to my friend about 'that other one who can't control her kids'), or not eat... Hmmm..... tough choice.
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Same here we use the BEAR BACKPACK HARNESS, When i was a teenage i was the same so aganist the harness but now being a mother of a nealy Three year old that like to run off in the shops i understand why they are used. I love Bear and DS does too we just say bear wants to give you a hug for a little while and it keeps him safe and thats the most important thing i dont care what people think and its not that i cant handle my children its that his a tipical three year old that likes to explore the world around him but least this way he still can and i know where he is and know that he is safe.
You were RAK'ed in 2015.
I don't know your children, so I can't tell you 'what to do'. Also Im not that lucky, its taken a lot of work to get them where they behaviour wise when we go out. Personally I don't care what other people say about me, especially if they dont know me. They are seeing a small snapsot of time. They havent seen the morning that has been had, they don't know about the night before. They don't even know if my child is crying due illness, being tired or whether its just a tanty.
These days the only one who is likely to have a tanty or push boundarries down the street is DD2. If she does have a meltdown, and people starting making comment, and I hear. I am very likely to say something back or at least to DD2 if I feel like it. Normally its along the lines 'oh wow, DD2 that would be why having a nap is such a great idea', 'I know you want to do that, but Im sorry Im not letting you'. Or if its to the people talking about me, 'You know what you wouldnt like being controlled either if you're being told you can have something you really want, do something you really want to do. I've told my children know, so they don't slip you up, get in your way, or break something. thats fair isnt it?'. And 'if you really would like to say something about my parenting practices than please come and say it to me, and also if you have another solution to my problem then please share, because parents very rarely share enough of the good stuff.'
And I very rarely get the help of Dh, he very rarely goes shopping with us, normally I go down with just me and the girls And yes I also shop in the next town over, or its an hour drive to the next lot of shops.
Oh and my the way, just because I disagree with the use of a harness on my children, and have my own opinion on the use of them from what I can see when Im out. That doesnt mean that I am judging your parenting or your parenting sklls.
Are you serious clover? you find my point of view offensive because I disagree with harnesses? I find your point of view about my decision not to use harnesses rather offensive. We all do what we can as parents.
I will say that yup, DD1 went through a faze where she would take her seatbelt off a while back. I remember a 3hr trip taking 4hrs because everytime she took it off, I pulled over, turned the car off and waited. She would eventually contort her body enough to slip her arms back in. I would tighten her carseat, alter where the straps were and she would always get out. I don't remember what the tning point was, one day was normal, then the next she finally worked it out, I suppose.
As I said at the beginning of this post, I don't know what will work with your children. Far out I'm still trying to work out what works with my own girls. And what worked yesterday isn't going to work for sure today or tomrrow.
There are things that Dh and I both agree on as parents, things we will not use, or do. Harnesses are one of those things. I wont aplogise for it, thats our decision and we are sticking to it. Why is that offensive to you or to anyone else?
Last edited by beansbeans!; April 16th, 2011 at 12:42 PM.
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To reply to the original question, I use multiple methods, depending on which way the wind is blowing ...
Harness used to work with Pip, until he got too strong and could pull me over when holding onto the strap. But he still loves the cow backpack it comes with and will take it out shopping with us sometimes!!!!
Other times I try to get him to hold the strap on the pram, other times the trolley.
Sometimes I'll have him in the double part of the pram but he bounces on it too much and I'm scared of it hitting the baby underneath.
But the best training I have is "ignoring" him safely when he's pulling a tanty. The other day he refused to get off a ride at the shopping centre so I walked off and "hid" behind a shopping display, and watched him in a mirror. Soon as he discovered that I wasn't going to give in to him, he spent a very long time walking nicely next to me and behaving properly. "Losing" me is the best punishment I find as it teaches him a lesson.
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I have used different methods for my different children. With DS1 I used a wrist strap because he rarely ran away, but when he did I couldn't run after him so this gave him freedom and me peace of mind. With DS2 I kept him in the buggy for ages because he was happy in it, but ran off like a tornado when he was out of it so a harness was unsuitable until he was older. When the twins came along I used a wrist harness for a short while but he was a bit older (and we lived in a very quiet village) so I gave it up. With the twins I had to keep them in the pram until they were quite a lot older. Otherwise I would arrange to go shopping when someone else was looking after them. It was inconvenient, but much better for my heart than trying to wrestle with two toddlers in the shops.
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I think you will find that this is what most people are taking offence at.
You cant really make a statement like this and expect folks not to take offence.
I use a harness (monkey). When DS is inside and happy to walk next to me, monkeys tail (lead) is normally looped around monkeys neck and DS is totally free to do as he wishes, but outside, in the carpark monkey is around my wrist, the same hand I am holding DS's hand with.
For me, its a little extra insurance that he wont take off in front of a car.
I have never really seen these leads/harnesses being abused by parents. But that must be just me.
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