How do you keep your toddler from running away in the shops?

[butterfly_warrior]

my rule is hold my hand or either i carry you or you go in a trolley/pram... it works!

It works if your child is feeling compliant!

I use a harness. I'm not ashamed to admit it, and I haven't even gone and got one of the animal ones. There's no bones about it - this is a harness!

I still make Sam go in the pram most of the time when we are out. It's just easier, but he's rapidly out-growing it. He's happy to go in shopping trolleys, but we have to regularly spin it around and make it a lot of fun for him, but shopping is pretty boring.

But, the fact of the matter is, I'm not as mobile as some people. My toddler is 16kg and with my issues, carrying him if he's playing up just isn't an option. He doesn't like to hold our hands, he's Mr Independent. So if we're going somewhere without the pram, he's in the harness. I get that people don't like the way they look, but it only takes a second... I'd rather my child be on the end of a leash than under the wheels of the passing bus he's just decided to run in front of. I'd rather he be on a leash than lost in a shopping centre (especially as his speech is delayed and he can't even tell someone his own name). Now that he's getting more accustomed to the harness, he's quite well behaved with it, but the first few times really were just like walking an excited puppy - him running ahead, dragging behind... But at least I know he's safe.

BW

[RoyaUK]

I think there are ways of using the harness.

For DD1, she was very compliant and really it was for my mum's peace of mind when taking her out by herself. DD2 is a bolter and it really saved her on many occasions.

my rule is to hold hand whilst wearing it, i.e. not just holding the end like a dog lead and looping the loop through my wrist for my own peace of mind unless both hands are busy (when opening my purse for example).

[onthefly]

I thought the same about leashes, but then I actually started learning about little kids and realised they sometimes don't do as y ou ask. I'm lucky that my boy is not a runner and I've only used the leash once in public (he loves me to walk him around the house with it though ). He's always been pretty good about staying close, or else sitting in the stroller or trolley.
DS is very reasonable for a toddler and always has been, some just aren't. What can you do? Ideally you'd have an extra person or two with you all the time, but that rarely happens these days.

[AnyDream]

A monkey backpack (harness) lover here. Never needed it with DD1 who was a very happy pram-sitter for a very long time, but DD2 was a bit of a bolter. We had one with a doggie on it, gosh she loved wearing it and often got it out and wore it around the house, holding the strap herself. In fact for a couple of months last year she would happily tow DD1 around (who had those heelies - shoes with wheels on) around the shop while we got our groceries. LOL.

[Kazzo]

We have a harness for DD1 and she loves it. It is actually just a backpack that has a short lead attatched. DD1 loves that she carries a few of her own things when we are out. DD1 is a very confident little girl and has no worries if she can not see me. When I go out, it is 99% of the time without DH as he works alot. I can't just pick DD1 up, put her in a trolley or pram because I also have DD2. The sense of calm I have that she has to stay with me, can not run away to any danger, no one can take off with her.
It actually only took DD1 a few times at wearing the harness to realise she could not walk off and now she is great at staying near me. Personally I think they are great and god help anyone if they tell me that I treat my child like a dog. I bet anyone who has ever had their dog run over while out walking wishes they had harnessed their dog.

[Taurean]

Another who hated the harness but is a proud owner of one now and so are half of my mummy friends!

DD is still really good in the pram - I am so lucky! But when she needs to or we want her to stretch her legs, the harness goes on. Her harness is a pink poodle and she LOVES it

[ladybird11]

Depends on whether DH is with me or not, but he likes to let the kids have a run for a bit - so we might try to take them to a park before hand to get rid of some energy beforehand.

Each trip depends on the kids really, DD (3.5yrs) doesn't really bolt on us and if she did she'd come back when we call her. Sometimes at roads / carparks though, she doesn't want to hold hands, at that point its a stern talking to, and if she still doesn't play the game with us she is suitably restrained (whether it be back in the trolley, pusher, or being held, kicking and screaming if necessary - I don't muck around when it comes to roads .

DS (21mths) on the other hand is a bolter. I can't let him out of the pusher / trolley if I'm by myself, but if DH is with me we let him go and it depends on how far he bolts and the urgency of our shopping trip as to if we'd harness him, or place him back into the trolley / pusher.

Little scallywags!

[ss_storm]

I haven't read the whole thread..so I do apologise if what I'm posting sounds completely off track! Lol.

It wasn't until we went on a holiday to Sydney a couple of weeks ago that I finally understood why people use the leashes on their kids. DD thankfully sticks pretty close to me and I know she won't stray too far away, but I was still stressed out the whole time about her getting lost, or being so close to such crazy traffic and in crowds of people. If she was the type to run away or not stay close to me then I probably wouldn't have hesitated having her attached to me in some way.

She doesn't like to sit in her pram much anymore, if she is in there I pretty soon hear her chanting 'hop out, hop out.."! So I let her out and she walks instead. Sometimes she wants to hold my hand, other times she doesn't so I don't force her unless we are crossing a driveway. When we cross a road she knows she has to hop up so I can carry her across. Luckily for us though we live in a relatively small country town, so it's easier to let her be independent and walk by herself without the fear of her getting lost in a crowd, wandering off somewhere or walking out into traffic. I say, do whatever works, and whatever is going to make you feel the most comfortable about the situation you are in.

[hipmummy]

It saddens me so much what has happened to this forum.

Unless you agree with the majority then you get eaten alive.

I am going to get attacked as well - but I would never use a harness on my children. Wether they are a monkey or a bear or whatever they are still a harness. Once again though, each to their own, and I can understand why people with anxiety or people who are struggling may use them - once again, whatever they like. There comes a point though when we as mothers have to let go of control.

I remember when I grew that we constantly had to watch my mum because she would seem to leave and not care whether we were with her or not (in reality of course she cared! She just called our bluff). I use this with my children and it works a treat. I let them run off sometimes, however I set boundaries.

Children need parents who are in charge. Whether that be with or without the use of a harness. I also have seen parents "dragging" their children with a harness, and also without using a harness.

It comes down to parenting techniques again - same as immunisation, circumcision, breastfeeding... the list is never ending. Come on guys lets be kinder to each other - soon - it has got to the stage that I don't post any more because I am terrified of getting my head eaten off, but enough is enough.

[hipmummy]

Please check the original post - she was after hints on how to stop a child from running off - it's crazy that it's gotten into a cat fight.

[Catastrophic]

Please check the original post - she was after hints on how to stop a child from running off - it's crazy that it's gotten into a cat fight.

Yet you way into the debate?!?

[Kazzo]

I don't think the problem is been a minority V majority. I think it is more a poor choice of words in a couple of sentences that got people on the defence.

What you have said is all perfectly fine to me so no attacking from me.

[CoNNiE_Melb]

And this is a classic example of why so many people feel uncomfortable posting on this forum and are turning away...

erybery - Good Luck with whatever it is you decide to do, I think it might take a bit of trial and error. When the time comes, I have no idea how I will control my DS. I already get frustrated when he wriggles away while I try to dress him!

[Gigi]

i hated the idea of harnesses, UNTIL i had a toddler who was running off in public, esp car parks. Then i changed my mind VERY quickly.

we had a monkey harness that lived in mummy's car and a koala harness that lived in daddy's car, so no matter where we went, there would be a harness. My child liked them so much, she was excited to put on her "pak pak" as she called them. It was like putting on a plush toy on her back.

i had the harness on her, would gather up the long bit, put the loop thru my wrist, and we would walk hand in hand. So she was not being "pulled" on the leash, cos we walked together. And then on the times she really did want to run off, i had notice it was happening. i have RSI, so her running, pulling on the full length - no way i could physically cope with that.

So i mitigated the leash (to myself), by making sure i didn't yank it, or have it out "long", most of the time. if it awas out long, that meant i needed to drop whatever i was doing, and manage her behaviour. i have no idea how to manage with more than one child, i have one child, so my only experience is using the leash with one child.

developmentally, we used the leash until she could understand and go along with the "we don't run off" stuff. we stopped using the leash when she no longer needed it. it was only a short time in the scheme of things (say, a year) but if made going out in public so much safer.

i don't like seat belts either, but they save lives, so we wear them. For the greater good etc etc.

[sas85]

I used a harness with DD1 too, she calls it her seatbelt - "so we can be safe" like Dora and loves it. I've heard people comment it's like having a leash like an animal, pfft, DD1 is very well behaved, is disciplined and has boundaries, but I was NOT going to risk her getting away from me the one time in a carpark at the local shopping centre and getting run over by a car because of that opinion. This way she didn't have to hold my hand or the pram if she didn't want to, but could walk next to me while I pushed the pram or carried DD2 without my having to worry about her running away. Having said that, if the kid is anti-hand-holding, anti-everything, it might not work anyway, my nephew just threw himself on the ground and screamed, my parents just stopped taking him to the shops as they were too old to run after him, couldn't keep hold of his hand, and he'd chuck a tanty in the harness (which they gave to me, yay for us). Each to there own.