my rule is hold my hand or either i carry you or you go in a trolley/pram... it works!
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my rule is hold my hand or either i carry you or you go in a trolley/pram... it works!
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DD hasnt "really" been much of a bolter. She listens to me well when we are out so its not much of an issue atm. But that being said, once i get heavily pregnant or have a newborn to look after i will be getting a harness. I too didnt like the look of them but my daughters safety is much more important.
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Backpack harness here too, my ds really likes it and loves walking along with it on and will also wear it at home for fun. I've had people make narky comments like "he's not a dog" and my reply is usually "it's not a collar or a choker chain". It's about keeping him safe, to me it in no way implies he's an animal, just an impetuous little boy
You were RAK'ed in 2015.
I flat out refuse to use a harness, just will not do it. I really dislike watching parents use them, the kids are being pulled and yanked in different directions, IMO boundaries arent really being set (well from what I can tell from friends who use them). (please don't take offence anyone)
We have rules when we go out and both girls know what happens if they break those rules. We turn around, we get back in the car, and will go home. If we get back to the car and they are behaving then we will continue shopping. They know they either hold my hand, Dh's hand or each others hand. If they feel the need to do a runner, then its trolley or stroller (although we dont take that very often anymore). Before giving up, I will bargain with them, normally its a cheesy roll to share, or something similar. But if the tantrum then continues in the trolley then straight to the car. I can always do my shopping another time if need be.
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Some of us aren't that lucky. I can't do it another time. I have 4 kids & no back up help. Shopping is also in the next town.
None of mine were bolters til now either, but the past few weeks DS (who's 3) has really been pushing it.
For me what do I do? I could strap him in the trolley & just put up with the screaming as I do now. There is no reasoning with him. Then have everyone in the supermarket *****ing about me (happened only last week, they winged to my friend about 'that other one who can't control her kids'), or not eat... Hmmm..... tough choice.
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Same here we use the BEAR BACKPACK HARNESS, When i was a teenage i was the same so aganist the harness but now being a mother of a nealy Three year old that like to run off in the shops i understand why they are used. I love Bear and DS does too we just say bear wants to give you a hug for a little while and it keeps him safe and thats the most important thing i dont care what people think and its not that i cant handle my children its that his a tipical three year old that likes to explore the world around him but least this way he still can and i know where he is and know that he is safe.
You were RAK'ed in 2015.
I don't know your children, so I can't tell you 'what to do'. Also Im not that lucky, its taken a lot of work to get them where they behaviour wise when we go out. Personally I don't care what other people say about me, especially if they dont know me. They are seeing a small snapsot of time. They havent seen the morning that has been had, they don't know about the night before. They don't even know if my child is crying due illness, being tired or whether its just a tanty.
These days the only one who is likely to have a tanty or push boundarries down the street is DD2. If she does have a meltdown, and people starting making comment, and I hear. I am very likely to say something back or at least to DD2 if I feel like it. Normally its along the lines 'oh wow, DD2 that would be why having a nap is such a great idea', 'I know you want to do that, but Im sorry Im not letting you'. Or if its to the people talking about me, 'You know what you wouldnt like being controlled either if you're being told you can have something you really want, do something you really want to do. I've told my children know, so they don't slip you up, get in your way, or break something. thats fair isnt it?'. And 'if you really would like to say something about my parenting practices than please come and say it to me, and also if you have another solution to my problem then please share, because parents very rarely share enough of the good stuff.'
And I very rarely get the help of Dh, he very rarely goes shopping with us, normally I go down with just me and the girls And yes I also shop in the next town over, or its an hour drive to the next lot of shops.
Oh and my the way, just because I disagree with the use of a harness on my children, and have my own opinion on the use of them from what I can see when Im out. That doesnt mean that I am judging your parenting or your parenting sklls.
Are you serious clover? you find my point of view offensive because I disagree with harnesses? I find your point of view about my decision not to use harnesses rather offensive. We all do what we can as parents.
I will say that yup, DD1 went through a faze where she would take her seatbelt off a while back. I remember a 3hr trip taking 4hrs because everytime she took it off, I pulled over, turned the car off and waited. She would eventually contort her body enough to slip her arms back in. I would tighten her carseat, alter where the straps were and she would always get out. I don't remember what the tning point was, one day was normal, then the next she finally worked it out, I suppose.
As I said at the beginning of this post, I don't know what will work with your children. Far out I'm still trying to work out what works with my own girls. And what worked yesterday isn't going to work for sure today or tomrrow.
There are things that Dh and I both agree on as parents, things we will not use, or do. Harnesses are one of those things. I wont aplogise for it, thats our decision and we are sticking to it. Why is that offensive to you or to anyone else?
Last edited by beansbeans!; April 16th, 2011 at 12:42 PM.
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To reply to the original question, I use multiple methods, depending on which way the wind is blowing ...
Harness used to work with Pip, until he got too strong and could pull me over when holding onto the strap. But he still loves the cow backpack it comes with and will take it out shopping with us sometimes!!!!
Other times I try to get him to hold the strap on the pram, other times the trolley.
Sometimes I'll have him in the double part of the pram but he bounces on it too much and I'm scared of it hitting the baby underneath.
But the best training I have is "ignoring" him safely when he's pulling a tanty. The other day he refused to get off a ride at the shopping centre so I walked off and "hid" behind a shopping display, and watched him in a mirror. Soon as he discovered that I wasn't going to give in to him, he spent a very long time walking nicely next to me and behaving properly. "Losing" me is the best punishment I find as it teaches him a lesson.
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I think you will find that this is what most people are taking offence at.
You cant really make a statement like this and expect folks not to take offence.
I use a harness (monkey). When DS is inside and happy to walk next to me, monkeys tail (lead) is normally looped around monkeys neck and DS is totally free to do as he wishes, but outside, in the carpark monkey is around my wrist, the same hand I am holding DS's hand with.
For me, its a little extra insurance that he wont take off in front of a car.
I have never really seen these leads/harnesses being abused by parents. But that must be just me.
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I bought DS1 a strap on panda harness, he has not been very good at wearing eg will park bum on ground and not move!! He is starting to show interest in playing with it so with any luck can try using it again soon.
Our rule is sit in pram or hold hands, if he lets go he gets 3 warnings then put on pram kicking and screaming but he gets over it after 2 mins.
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It works if your child is feeling compliant!
I use a harness. I'm not ashamed to admit it, and I haven't even gone and got one of the animal ones. There's no bones about it - this is a harness!
I still make Sam go in the pram most of the time when we are out. It's just easier, but he's rapidly out-growing it. He's happy to go in shopping trolleys, but we have to regularly spin it around and make it a lot of fun for him, but shopping is pretty boring.
But, the fact of the matter is, I'm not as mobile as some people. My toddler is 16kg and with my issues, carrying him if he's playing up just isn't an option. He doesn't like to hold our hands, he's Mr Independent. So if we're going somewhere without the pram, he's in the harness. I get that people don't like the way they look, but it only takes a second... I'd rather my child be on the end of a leash than under the wheels of the passing bus he's just decided to run in front of. I'd rather he be on a leash than lost in a shopping centre (especially as his speech is delayed and he can't even tell someone his own name). Now that he's getting more accustomed to the harness, he's quite well behaved with it, but the first few times really were just like walking an excited puppy - him running ahead, dragging behind... But at least I know he's safe.
BW
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I think there are ways of using the harness.
For DD1, she was very compliant and really it was for my mum's peace of mind when taking her out by herself. DD2 is a bolter and it really saved her on many occasions.
my rule is to hold hand whilst wearing it, i.e. not just holding the end like a dog lead and looping the loop through my wrist for my own peace of mind unless both hands are busy (when opening my purse for example).
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I thought the same about leashes, but then I actually started learning about little kids and realised they sometimes don't do as y ou ask. I'm lucky that my boy is not a runner and I've only used the leash once in public (he loves me to walk him around the house with it though). He's always been pretty good about staying close, or else sitting in the stroller or trolley.
DS is very reasonable for a toddler and always has been, some just aren't. What can you do? Ideally you'd have an extra person or two with you all the time, but that rarely happens these days.
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A monkey backpack (harness) lover here. Never needed it with DD1 who was a very happy pram-sitter for a very long time, but DD2 was a bit of a bolter. We had one with a doggie on it, gosh she loved wearing it and often got it out and wore it around the house, holding the strap herself. In fact for a couple of months last year she would happily tow DD1 around (who had those heelies - shoes with wheels on) around the shop while we got our groceries. LOL.
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We have a harness for DD1 and she loves it. It is actually just a backpack that has a short lead attatched. DD1 loves that she carries a few of her own things when we are out. DD1 is a very confident little girl and has no worries if she can not see me. When I go out, it is 99% of the time without DH as he works alot. I can't just pick DD1 up, put her in a trolley or pram because I also have DD2. The sense of calm I have that she has to stay with me, can not run away to any danger, no one can take off with her.
It actually only took DD1 a few times at wearing the harness to realise she could not walk off and now she is great at staying near me. Personally I think they are great and god help anyone if they tell me that I treat my child like a dog. I bet anyone who has ever had their dog run over while out walking wishes they had harnessed their dog.
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Another who hated the harness but is a proud owner of one nowand so are half of my mummy friends!
DD is still really good in the pram - I am so lucky! But when she needs to or we want her to stretch her legs, the harness goes on. Her harness is a pink poodle and she LOVES it
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Depends on whether DH is with me or not, but he likes to let the kids have a run for a bit - so we might try to take them to a park before hand to get rid of some energy beforehand.
Each trip depends on the kids really, DD (3.5yrs) doesn't really bolt on us and if she did she'd come back when we call her. Sometimes at roads / carparks though, she doesn't want to hold hands, at that point its a stern talking to, and if she still doesn't play the game with us she is suitably restrained (whether it be back in the trolley, pusher, or being held, kicking and screaming if necessary - I don't muck around when it comes to roads.
DS (21mths) on the other hand is a bolter. I can't let him out of the pusher / trolley if I'm by myself, but if DH is with me we let him go and it depends on how far he bolts and the urgency of our shopping trip as to if we'd harness him, or place him back into the trolley / pusher.
Little scallywags!
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I haven't read the whole thread..so I do apologise if what I'm posting sounds completely off track! Lol.
It wasn't until we went on a holiday to Sydney a couple of weeks ago that I finally understood why people use the leashes on their kids. DD thankfully sticks pretty close to me and I know she won't stray too far away, but I was still stressed out the whole time about her getting lost, or being so close to such crazy traffic and in crowds of people. If she was the type to run away or not stay close to me then I probably wouldn't have hesitated having her attached to me in some way.
She doesn't like to sit in her pram much anymore, if she is in there I pretty soon hear her chanting 'hop out, hop out.."! So I let her out and she walks instead. Sometimes she wants to hold my hand, other times she doesn't so I don't force her unless we are crossing a driveway. When we cross a road she knows she has to hop up so I can carry her across. Luckily for us though we live in a relatively small country town, so it's easier to let her be independent and walk by herself without the fear of her getting lost in a crowd, wandering off somewhere or walking out into traffic. I say, do whatever works, and whatever is going to make you feel the most comfortable about the situation you are in.
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