How do you say this nicely?

[Chow]

I am starting to get really sick of people saying "ohhhh your such a first time Mum". When I say people I mean my closest friends, they all have 3 children and it's starting to drive me a little nuts!
Yes I'm a first time Mum but I'm not overly protective, I'm happy for their grotty 3 year olds to poke and play with Josh, at MG all the kids share toys, so they are pretty much pashing each other. I think I'm handling things pretty well! I just don't really like going to their places if I know their kids are sick, last time one of them had croup and they took it personally that I wouldn't go over. Lines like "You'll understand when you have another baby" are really getting me down.
So how do I tell them nicely to back off??

[Fleur]

Hugs to you hun, I don't know how to say it nicely - but hey, should you have to?
I have 4 kids, and I would rather not take them to someone's house if there are sick kids there...and I always tell them if mine are sick too.
It's just manners. And to imply that you are wrong somehow for not wanting to expose your LO ... that is not manners.

I can't think of any snappy comebacks right now, I'm sure someone else will but I just wanted to let you know IMO you're perfectly normal

[Indadhanu]

Just reply with ... "hmmm... maybe... we'll see..."

That's all I do now. "Yeah, well, we'll see ... but right now I'm still not coming over if your kids are sick."

Maybe it's me being an 'overprotective first time mum' ... or, maybe it's just me thinking I don't want to stay up all night watching my daughter cough her lungs out if I don't have to?

When Jazz was a few weeks old, I was at a friends son's first birthday party (at night!), and she was teasing me about being nervous about letting Jazz sleep in the cot with her 1yo son until we were ready to go. "Oh you're so nervous, it's cute! I remember when I used to follow all those 'baby rules'... blah blah blah" and one of her friends turned to me and said "I have four kids, I'm overprotective, and all i can say is they're all here right now, and it's never hurt them!" I felt so much better, stood my ground, and said no my 5 week old baby isn't sharing a cot with a 1yo!

[ss_storm]

I don't think you should worry about saying it nicely, if they are rude enough to say something like that to you! I mean, they were first time mum's once too!

[nickle730]

"Such a first time mum? Well, I only have one kid, so what other type of mum could I be?" (said with wide eyes and an expression of innocence!)

As for the sick kids... I have two kids, ages 6 and 4. There will ALWAYS be parents who think it's ok to share their sick germs around (I've even had one mother send her daughter to school with active gastro and tell me she was doing every other child a favour by building their immunity!! ). I am a pretty relaxed mum... who has no desire to deal with a house of sick kids (and parents). Stick to your guns... and if your friend doesn't like it, is she really a friend at all?? "You'll understand when you have another baby"?? What? You'll understand that you'll have two sick kids to deal with instead of one?

I never liked my kids sharing toys when they were at the 'oral' stage. As soon as someone else's toy heads for the mouth it should be gently removed and replaced with their own toy. This was never an issue in my MG and everyone behaved the same way. Of course, there were times one of the bubba's would stick someone else's toy in their gob before anyone had a chance to stop it (no big deal), but I think it's not such a good idea to give free reign to spit sharing. Personal opinion...

Good luck, I hope you can get through this with your mates and find a happy place where you can all offer each other the support you need.

[nickle730]

OMG, Leasha!! A 5 week old in the same cot as a 1 year old?? That's dangerous!! What if the one year old rolled on top of your bubba??? I'm so glad you stood your ground, good for you And good for the mum of four four speaking up, too!

[didispunk]

Ya Leasha.. i sure wouldnt put my kids in a cot with another at all.. .Poor love.

[Daffodil Mumma]

Totally agree!! I have no idea how to say it nicely, but I dont really think you should have to!
I am so over hearing about how it will do my DS "good" being around a certain child at my MG that is always sick!! Its obviously not doing her any good cos she picks up every germ around!! And if the mother says one more time "sharing's caring" when her DD is sick....argh!!!!

[Ozziehoffy]

I've even had one mother send her daughter to school with active gastro and tell me she was doing every other child a favour by building their immunity!!

OMG with gastro!!! That is soooo totally irresponsible! I have heard people say that too and I think very horrid things about them lol.

"You'll understand when you have another baby"?? What? You'll understand that you'll have two sick kids to deal with instead of one?

mmmm yep, I went through that just this past winter, if it wasn't one it was the other cos it just ping ponged around!! It is NOT fun!

I never liked my kids sharing toys when they were at the 'oral' stage. As soon as someone else's toy heads for the mouth it should be gently removed and replaced with their own toy. This was never an issue in my MG and everyone behaved the same way. Of course, there were times one of the bubba's would stick someone else's toy in their gob before anyone had a chance to stop it (no big deal), but I think it's not such a good idea to give free reign to spit sharing. Personal opinion...

My personal opinion also... and I have taken my kids toys out of other kids mouths in my own home before today! I will continue to do so too because I do NOT allow my children to chew other kids toys as I think it's not hygenic and also I think it teaches them to respect other peoples things. Yes it does happen before it can be stopped sometimes, but I don't allow it to continue. I have even had people say oh he/she has a runny nose but it's ok it's nothing bad. Hmmmm ok but to me it is cos I havce to deal with it when the kids are sick and then inevitably I get sick too... so yes it's a big deal! I know I can't escape all germs but I will avoid what I can!!

I don't think you're being overprotective at all!! I'm up to number 3 and I am possibly worse now because a 2 yr old doesn't stay out of the face of a baby who then gets sick just as the 2 yr old gets better and then shares it with mummy and then because the 2 yr old won't stay out of babies face, 2 yr old gets sick again!! Merry go round ride free for all.... no thank you!!! I say, if you know about it and can avoid it then do so! I avoid friends and their kids even if it is "just a cold".

Helen, OMG I HATE that!! Makes me so angry!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

"And you're such a crap parent, but I don't tell you that do I?"

That's polite enough!

Anyone telling me I was being "precious" or words to that effect, I would just tell them that if they didn't love their children as much as I love my Liebling and wanted to ensure his happiness and safety, that was their lookout not mine.

Oddly enough, I never got too many comments about my parenting.

[littlebear]

I don't think polite is going to work. Say whatever you want to say!!

Personally, I would say yes, i am a first time mum & i'm doing things the way I think/feel they should be done. I'll bet you were the same with your first!

As for being around others sick kids, it's not them that has to deal with it if your baby gets sick, so they don't actually think about it. Just a simple "I don't want my baby or myself getting sick, i'm not going to put us at risk if I can avoid it!"

HTH!

[Miss.September]

I don't think you were making a first time mum comment, rather a comment of a responsible parent. I too have only one child, but even if I had several kids, I don't think I'd ever put a newborn in with an older child. That's just absurd.

It's the same when you're pregnant with your first baby and people who have had kids say "Oh, just wait until you're a parent, you'll know what it's like." So infuriating!!!!!!! I think people just say things to make their own inadequacies feel less to them. Stick to your guns and do what you think is right, and if people say you're just being a first time mum, tell them you're just being a responsible parent and that's all you know how to be.

Good luck!

Corelly

[MummyNaomi]

It's the same when you're pregnant with your first baby and people who have had kids say "Oh, just wait until you're a parent, you'll know what it's like." So infuriating!!!!!!!

I hate this too!!!

Some people just suck. We spent Grand Final Day at some of DHs friends and I took my baby monitor as DS was sleeping in their bedroom in a portacot and I was worried I wouldn't hear him wake and they had a few digs at me as a first time parent for using the monitor and made comment that eventually he'd cry loud enough for me to hear him when he woke - it annoyed me as I didn't want DS waking up in a strange room and freaking out or crying and me not hearing him until he starting screaming, I'd wanted to go in when I heard him stirring as I knew he would get upset otherwise - I knew what was right for my baby!

[whoops]

I would just say "don't use me an an excuse to make yourself feel better about being lazy" and *snap*

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Aaagh - I was told by people I needed a monitor in my 2-bed maisonette with DS just 5 yards away from me, in another room. You can't do anything right as a parent except for slap down anyone who tells you as much. FWIW, I fail to see what I "know" now more than I did three years ago, well maybe I know that crocodiles roar now. I'm the annoying woman who said how I would parent, stuck to it and have a (mostly) lovely child to show for it. Just shows how important it is to do your homework LOL.

I understand my son is more important than my social life... thankfully most of my friends don't comment to the contrary any more!

[MummyNaomi]

LZ - re the monitors, it seems we are damned if we do and damned if we dont - you cant please everyone!!

[Lulu]

"oh you are such an OLD hand at this"..... *snarky offering from Lulu

That craps me off to the max, I had friends reassurring me then, not giving me crap...and I pass it on by reassuring other new mums too...even if it was so long ago for me.

[luna moth]

Duuuude, I get this with my nephew. SIL laughs at how jumpy I am. Once, I responded with "50% of the children's neuro ward are there because TVs fell ont heir head. The other 50% are brain tumours. If I'm going to see a child go there, it'll be because of something I couldn't have stopped."

FFS I have worked in childcare for 10 years! Hanging out with one year olds is what I DO! I've actually been doing it for 9 years longer than her...

But then she gets really hung up if his morning sleep is only 40 minutes. The priorities astound me.

So.... a little off-topic anyone? Sorry...

Anyway, hun, blow it off. Be a first time mum. If you're happy, that's all that matters, I bet they are jealous as pants at how simple your life is compared to theirs, and how lucky you are to have such a precious little one.