it does get easier! my DD1 (5yrs now) was like your DD1. We used the shower head attachment in the bath and i let her do the wetting/rinsing. sure it made more mess, but I deal better with mess than i do with blood curdling screams. she used to still freak out but she learnt (with help) that if she tilted her head as far back as possible, no/very little water went near her eyes/face. she now gets upset when I say it's not "hair washing day"!