DH and I get time together (having dinner, watching tv, talking) when the boys are in bed - though either one could wake
Mum babysits for us when she is in town so we can pop out for a very quick dinner/coffee/desert - she has done this twice and now J is a little older hopefully will; do it more for us
I go to a board meeting once a month in an evening - I took J til the last one - so now i can go alone to that
I am going out with friends for dinner (late one) after the boys are in bed tomorrow - DH and I have discussed that I should have girls night once per fortnight and I also want to start bacxk at yoga
so i dont get heaps now but we are working on it...
Thanks girls. It's good to hear others' experiences. I am a person who really used to love my own company and doing stuff by myself. I'm ok 99% of the time with having DS 24/7 but every now and then it gets too much and I feel overwhelmed and like I'm drowning. I have had a couple of breaks of an hour or two in the last few months but they're pretty rare.
Sarah - I loved your list! Great ideas. I live in a small town though so most of those things I'd have to do during the day. Weekends are family time here too, except when DP has to go into work
Nicambhar - I just went to the gym up the street this morning to enquire about joining (they have child minding) so I can get an hour or two a week to myself!!
Nai - If I join the gym, hopefully I'll love running soon too for the same reason
I must admit I'm jealous of those of you who've been out at night with or without your DP/DH. I haven't been out at night since I was pg and DP and I haven't had any time by ourselves, without DS since he was born Might be time to do something about that but it's hard with no family closer than 2.5hrs away. Your posts have got me thinking though and I feel better than I did this morning so cheers!
I get an hour per week whilst DH takes DS to swimming lessons.
Maybe once every month or two I might get a bit more, like Saturday just gone I went to the craft fair for a few hours, it was great to walk around at my own leisure and not have to worry about keeping DS occupied!
And I go out for dinner with friends every 4-5 months too
Apart from that it's grab a bit of time whilst DS is sleeping, although yesterday I'd just settled in to do some of my cross stitch and DS decided he'd only have a 1/2 hour sleep for the whole day! Lovely!
Wow, I feel very, very lucky after reading this thread. DH takes our son some time each weekend for 3-4 hours so I can go "do my thing". I usually go to the gym for an hour and then do a bit of shopping or take a book and sit in a cafe or by the lake and read.
But then, I do this for him as well- every Tuesday night he is out playing games with his friends, so we figure its only fair.
Once, DH even looked after DS all weekend so I could go visit a friend in Brisbane (spent the whole time missing them TERRIBLY!)
Because DH refuses to live closer to family I demand at least 1/4 of every weekend to myself. So that means I get up early of a Sat or Sun prefereably while everyone is still asleep... then go out... catch a train into the city (15 mins) then have breakfast by myself and then either have some acupuncture or do some shopping. I return after I feel refreshed... usually after lunch. DH now concedes that this is necessary for my sanity as I have been a SAHM with no support from any family for over 6 years now. He now encourages me to have this time.
Jessica and Bath - it seems the only way to really make sure you get your own time is to have it 'scheduled in' each week. The earlier posters who had regular time out also seemed to have this at set times or for specific activities.
Nicambhar - Most gyms should have some kind of child/baby supervision, especially if they want the mum market to walk in their door. I hope you find one you like! After thinking about it all day, I'm not yet comfortable to leave DS in a child area at the gym just yet - he's only 8 months old and doesn't move under his own steam yet (even rolling doesn't really happen much). It might be different if he could crawl or walk away from older/bigger kids but I'm not sure I could leave him yet. I'd worry too much. There are four classes a week I can still get to when DP should be home so I think I'm going to aim to attend some of them (all might be asking a bit much LOL!).
DD is now 2 and a bit and in the last few months I've made a concerted effort to have 'me' time. It's not really 'me' time in that I need it to plan/do renovations and apply for uni/new jobs but at least it means that I can make phone calls and do paperwork uninterrupted.
It's made a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE difference to me. I just felt like I was getting nowhere before. But having a couple of hours a week when DD is in occasional care means that I get heaps done and it keeps me motivated too. Otherwise, it was taking me weeks and weeks to get small things done and I felt dumb, stupid and demoralised. It's just impossible to do stuff with DD around - if I jump on the computer to look up a phone number, she's over to me within literally 30 seconds.
I also now make it clear to DP if I need him to take DD out of the house for an hour. My mistake before was not to be specific which meant that he wasn't that willing to take her out if I just said I needed some 'me' time. Now I say, "I need an hour so I can finish my job application."
My new motto is "nothing changes if nothing changes" and I'm much better at taking responsibility for my own happiness/mental health and work out what needs to change.
DP and I also try to make time to go out now and again. We're lucky that we have DSD to babysit but not so lucky in that DP is a shiftworker so he's either not home in the evenings or he needs to be up at 4am which means going out for the night is always quite tricky.
TBH, I left it far too long before making some changes.
I manage to get an hour each day while I exercise (whether it be when both kids are asleep at the same time or DH is home tending to their needs), and once again, depending when they're asleep during the day I'll get an another hour or so, AND from about 8pm onwards they're both in bed so I get that time as well....
Every now and then DH will take both kids shopping so i'll have the house to myself - but as odd as it sounds, after about an hour I'm bored!
I'm feeling quite lucky after reading this thread .
I get two hours a week - Thursday nights I do a pregnancy aquaerobics class and Saturday mornings I do Pilates. I really enjoy both activities not only because I get some me time, but also because the exercise makes me feel good. Although, I wouldn't mind having some complete alone time where I can go shopping or something and not have to interact with anyone.
I am so excited as the girls from MG and I are going out for a MUMMY ONLY dinner in just over a week.. OMG what to do!
DP is going to watch A, it's from 7:30 so she will be pretty much in bed anyway but time out with no bubs and no partner, for probably more than an hr!
Whoohoo Ava's mum! Sounds awesome!! I should bring up a girls night at my mum's group tomorrow.
Fiona - Thanks so much for your post. A lot of that really resonated with me. I do need to ask DP to do more - he's more than willing but sometimes unsure what I need in terms of practical support and that comes down to me not communicating with him about it. I also need to take more responsibility for how I'm travelling and not wait until it all gets overwhelming.
ETA - I've decided to visit my mum late this month. DP will be away for a few days and although I feel fine staying at home alone (in terms of safety and care of DS etc) I think I want to go "home" for some support. Mum has agreed to look after DS for a few hours here and there so I can duck out and do some Christmas shopping. It's going to be great not having to drive the pram around the shops for once!!
Last edited by ~Kaz~; November 12th, 2009 at 11:27 AM.
: my other 'me' thing
I don't get much... I get about 45mins a week... each Sunday morning is MY shower time... when DD was born I quickly realised I needed some time. I am scared to be too far away from her at the moment so my shower time suits us fine. I don't get the long wonderful showers that I used to - usually they are a quick dash under the water whilst DD sleeps so each Sunday is MY shower time... I told DP that I am allowed to be as long as I like and can use as much hot water as I like and he is to TRY and not interrupt me.
He has come around to it but it took a while. I figure he plays golf each Saturday (without fail) so that Sunday is MY time. It also gives him an opportunity to learn how to settle DD and gives them Daddy/Daughter time.
What is this you speak of??? lol. Seriously, I haven't had any me time since March 2006!!! Dead serious lol. I took a "semi me time" last Saturday and that was leaving Oskar (mind you he was sleeping) home with daddy and taking Elijah (as he needs boob) to the shops for a couple of hours without a toddler!!
The other thing that's really helped me Kaz is to work out what are my priorities. The last couple of years for me have been pretty bloody full on in terms of:
1. A baby.
2. Serious health issues.
3. Relationship issues becauswe of 1 and 2.
4. Uncertainty about whether DSD was going to move here from the US.
5. Legal and financial issues because of 4.
6. Trying to have another baby but being uncertain because of 2 and 4.
7. Needing a bigger house because of 4. and possibly 6.
8. Hating my job.
9. Possibly needing to stay in current job because of 7.
10. If 4 and 6 weren't happening then being able to be a SAHM because of 8.
Actually, if I write it down like that, then no wonder the last couple of years have been completely bonkers
But I've basically distilled things down into three main areas:
1. Decide house situation and do what I need to do.
2. Apply for courses and change career (in the long term)
3. Apply for different jobs (in the short term)
So basically, if things don't fall within those three areas, I don't do them. I just make my To Do list according to those three priorities because those are the three things that are the most important to me at the moment. I'm finding it a really useful technique and it really focuses my energy.
Over the next 18 months as those things (hopefully) get resolved, they'll get replace with other stuff which will be:
4. Get a social life, join community groups etc.
5. Get fitter.
6. Learn to drive and be more mobile.
But if I try to do those things right now, it will all be too much.
My DH is away for work LOTS, so when he gets home he makes effort to give me some time. Often it's he'll go somewhere (shops, to his office) & he'll take DS with him to give me a bit of time just to chill. If I'm able to I usually go for a coffee & bit of shopping on Sat morning. That's about it really, I've been asking for more but its not really possible with his work. I've had to give up playing netball during the week.
Trying to get DS back into care a day or so during the week for a bit more time but with no 2 on the way I see the "me" time flying out of the window LOL!!!
Fiona - Prioritising like that makes a lot of sense. I think I'll be taking a leaf out of your book when I return to work next year as we're supposed to be building a house but it's the first thing that seems to be sidelined for time (in very early stages now).
Erin - I know you're not a single mum but you must feel like one a lot!
Cass - How have you coped with so little personal time for so long? Don't answer that if you don't want to of course!
I work for 4 hours twice a week but considering as it's work, I don't consider it me time, even though I love it. Up until recently I never really had any time to myself, but my sister recently got married and we did a few shopping trips and I had a night away for the hen's weekend and it made me realise how much I've missed stuff like that. So I am making a big effort to make sure I do more things for myself - last weekend I went to the dinner and movies, and tonight I am going to a Tupperware party. Starting from next week, DS is going into daycare for half a day and unless I have to work, I'm going to use that time very wisely - go to the library, have my hair cut, do the shopping without tantrums (unless I have to have one if they've run out of TimTams ).
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Might be time to do something about that but it's hard with no family closer than 2.5hrs away. Your posts have got me thinking though and I feel better than I did this morning so cheers!
Sounds awesome!! I should bring up a girls night at my mum's group tomorrow.
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