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Im not a SAHM yet but I only work 2 days a week & dont have any friends in the area or friends that have week days off.
I go to the market once a week with MIL & SIL, if you have a hobby join a class, (some community centres offer cheap/free classes) and if you ask you could probly take the kidlet/s. Book clubs?
That failing add everyone from BB on msn and sit on the net all day!
I dont know if this helps or not, good luck with everything
Registered User
Hi there sweetpeajan,
Even before I had my babe I was worried about feeling the same as you about isolation in this new job!
I too was the first one in my main friendship group to have a babe, my parents and parents in law all work full time and I don't get on particularly well with my sibling and sibling in law. I previously worked full time in a very social job. My mum has been very open about hating being at home with my brother and me due to the isolation she experienced!
For those reasons I spent quite a bit of time chatting to a counsellor about this before I had my little fella as I was very worried about the effect of isolation on me. My hobbies are pretty not young child friendly (cycling, golf, going to concerts that kind of thing).
My counsellor's advice was just to keep on trying to get out there into different forums to meet people.
Whilst it was hard work I just had to keep on putting myself out there. In most cases my little boy has been the initial talking point/thing in common which I have used to lever myself into new situations.
It has been a bit hit and miss but I am feeling happy that after 6 or so months I am finally getting somewhere.
My experience has included:
* I have met a couple of girls on BB - unfortunately one of the lovelies I met lives very far away so we keep in contact online playing scrabulous however I still meet one lovely mum who lives locally at least once a fortnight for a walk and a talk and a coffee! We email and talk to each other regularly! I feel like I really hit paydirt with her as we share similar values, have boys a similar age and we get on very well in general outside of our mummy jobs.
* Whilst working full time I did not have an awareness of the mums of young children in our local neighbourhood, however since being at home I have pounded the pavement at school/kinder hours to get my face out there and have met 2 girls with babes a similar age to my little guy, we have coffee or walk at least once a week! I engaged in pretty odd behaviour including dropping a note in one of my neighbour's letter boxes asking her over for coffee, behaviour which is so bold and NOT me but which has paid off dividends, we go walking to different local parks, have picnics and coffee at least once a week.
* I nearly gave up on my mother's group after a few months feeling the same way as you do but after talking to my MCHN I perservered. She gave me great advice, in the initial stages, everyone is feeling the same as you do (lonely, tired, still finding their way as mums, worried what people think about prams, clothes, feeding made worse because noone actually talks about how they feel) things seem so competitive, it takes between 3 - 9 months for people to really start to get one another aside from their babes.
Its funny in recent weeks a couple of the girls in my group have professed to feeling the same way (ie wanting to quit) but being glad they too persevered.
Would you consider approaching your MCHN and seeing whether you could be placed in another mum's group if there is noone you gelled with at your previous group?
* I volunteered to help out with our local Neighbourhood Watch newsletter. Daggy I know. I am naturally a Mrs Mangel at heart! I have met another likeminded mum who lives in my street. I have met some lovely older locals who I see almost daily when walking the streets or in my garden, its great just to be able to say hello and have a 5 min chat. I know my house is being kept an eye on and have a couple of new & willing babysitters!
* I have scrimped and saved and joined the local gym. I try to go a couple of times during the week during the day, lots of other mums go we all say hi and I feel there is some potential there too. And I feel better for the exercise those lovely endorphins are great.
If your financial position allows would you consider attending playgroup or music lessons or gymbaroo with your little one -whilst these are child friendly activities they too may give you the foot in to find a likeminded parent friend?
It is hard. I have realised that I had become somewhat complacent in merely maintaining my friendships rather than actively seeking out new ones. I felt like it was being back at school again trying to make friends etc. But I feel that by trying different things (which can be hard work to start with) the dividends are finally and slowly paying out.
Anyway, I wish you well, be brave and keep at it -if you are happy to disclose your whereabouts we would be happy to meet you!
Cheerio
Belinda.
Registered User
Some of the girls here have suggested a few really good ideas - I just tried to get myself out of the house at least a few times during the week.
Another thing you could try which worked for me and I'm still going strong 9 yrs later is a book club.
Contact your local Dymocks (or library, etc) - I joined up and we meet once a month for coffee and pick a book - next month we discuss it, pick another one, etc etc.
Ours is run through our local Dymocks and so we buy the book through them with a really good discount - some of the ladies have tight budgets, so they just borrow them from the library or read one of ours... so really, the most it has to cost is the $3 for a coffee once a month!
I found it refreshing to sit and talk about something other than babies and it felt like I was challenging myself a little intellectually again... and our group ages range from 26 - 70!!!
Theres 6 of us in our group - I'm in three groups now (I'm a big reader)... and have formed some nice friendships over the years with people I wouldn't have met otherwise
Good Luck hun xxx
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