My DD is 2.5 and my baby is 5 months so similar ages. DD is also really bad at independant play. Particulary if that idependant play means I am doing stuff with the baby.
My 5 month old only has 2-3 day sleeps (mostly only for 40 mins). Occasionally I get the odd 1.5 hour sleep out of him. Most mornings of the week I have something on with the toddler so baby sleeps in car or pram. If I am having a bad day he just goes into a sling and I wear him while he sleeps - DD doesn't really like that very much though and tends to get a bit cranky. Whenever the baby is sleeping I make a big thing of doing stuff with her and letting her now it is special time cause the baby is asleep. That way she is happier for me to spend the time putting him to sleep.
I don't do housework during the day and try to find games that I can involve both kids in. Reading books, playing outside, paddle pool, blocks, etc. I also involve her in everything to do with baby. So its her job to get the clean nappy, spew rag, toy. Somedays it works really well other days nothing is in sync and its a nightmare
Sorry not really any great tips there. I am sure it will get easier as the baby gets older and more interactive and able to play with the toddler. That way they can play together (fingers crossed).
My initial thoughts are to change your baby's routine to reduce the number of sleeps but to sleep for longer. My 6month old is a catnapper too and she would only sleep for 20 mins or so at a time. When she wasn't sleeping I was either feeding or occupying her as she's a bit of a velcro baby. Have you tried resettling when the baby wakes up after the first sleep cycle?
I have started being really strict with DD in enforcing a sleep routine. Its still a work in progress but already I'm noticing she is starting to get into a routine and also sleeping for longer. I am lucky that my 2 year old is at daycare 4 days a week so I have had the luxury of being able to focus on getting DD into a routine which has been time consuming.
I agree that as the baby gets older the two of them can start to occupy each other and you will be less in demand.
I know this wasn't what you asked but IMO getting #2 sorted will benefit #1 and you too.
I think it is an age thing too, but what you are describing, while frustrating does sound normal. hun. I remember how hard it was. It's like you have to prove you love them.
My DD wasn't great either at first and it has probably taken her the better part of 10months to get better.
She was 2 and 10months when DS was born and was a great help - but some kids just aren't into that.
What helped was me giving DD some time on her own away from the house and away from the baby.
Playing with other kids helped as well. Do you go to playgroup? Does he go to CC?
DD really looked forward to her daycare days. I found that she was more independent the day after CC...and then it went downhill until the next week.
DOes he choose what to do? Do you reward him when he does play on his own? Are his communication skills good enough for you to explain to him that you need some timeout?
Saffi - I think you are right in that if I could get the baby into a better routine then managing the toddler would be easier. But! How to do!? Got any tips? I've just tried the white noise today and she's currently having one of her longest sleeps in a very long time (70 mins so far!), so hopefully that will be the key. I have tried resettling after she wakes, but most of the time she wont resettle.
Kim - DS wanting interactive play isn't so much an attention thing - he'd happily play computer/iPhone or watch TV by himself for hours if I would let him. It's more that he doesn't want to play with ordinary toys and activities without someone playing alongside him. He's really quite good in terms of jealousy/understanding when I need to take care fo the baby. He understands what I mean when I say he needs to play alone and I need a rest, but he just doesn't *like* it.
We go to playgroup once a week, childcare once a week and grandparents once a week. Sometimes a playdate with friends/cousins thrown in too. He is good at interacting with other kids although he had a patch there where he didn't want to go to childcare because there's no computer there! So I stopped letting him use the computer shortly after that happened which remedied his disinclination and he's happy to go again.
Yup, I gots me a stubborn one! To answer your other Q's.. He does choose what activities he wants to do, but I probably don't praise him enough when he plays independently (because it rarely happens lol) so I'll have to remember to do that. Thanks.
Thanks everyone for your help & input. Any other ideas will be warmly welcomed. xx
I wish I had some ideas- my DS is 20 months, so a bit younger than yours, but he is not very good at independent play. I find that hard enough now, with just him- I can't imagine how you do it with a bubs as well.
I don't entirely know how to encourage independent play. A little while ago I found it particularly frustrating that I was unable to get a thing done as DS needed me to play with him all the time, so I did a bit of research and asked some questions on here. The answers I found were a bit frustrating- in general terms, it seems like some kids play well on their own, and others don't. And others start off not playing well on their own and then seem to learn that skill as a part of their development, but not by anything their parents did- it just happened. It seems to be largely a factor of personality.
I do try to do what I can, as its a skill that I do want DS to develop in whatever measure his personality allows, simply for his own development. When he is playing on his own, I let him go for it and encourage him when he comes back to me. My DS is also quite task oriented, so I can ask him to do or get things for me and he will go off and do it then come back to me- this is very small things at the moment due to his age, but I hope to extend this out as he gets older and praise him when he come back to me to 'show off'. I kind of hope this might empower him to do things on his own and give him a sense of accomplishment or achievement. Its a theory anyhow! Does anything like this work on your little man?
Best of luck...watching this thread with interest.
Skeeta - What is working for me is to be really observant of DD's tired signs and then getting her down either by feeding or rocking. I find rocking her she gets very worked up and she cries and after a while I can then pat her asleep. With resettling I can just tell that she wants more sleep as she is whingy and I can just rock/pat her back for another cycle.
Just thought I'd update... Have been doing a lot of the things suggested, and they seem to be working.
I have implemented white noise and keeping the baby up longer between naps (even if she's tired), and have been getting a few longer naps out of her as a result. She still is woken easily and is fussy and difficult when that happens but it's less often now that we're using white noise. So a win there. Thanks for that idea alioops.
I have also stopped walking her to sleep, which means I'm no longer spending hours a day pacing the hallway. I'll feed her to sleep or put her in her rocker and bounce her to sleep, but that's it. I have found that if she's not tired enough for either of those to work, she's not likey to sleep very long anyway. She's adjusted quite well and it has made her million naps a day a lot easier to cope with. Toddler copes better too because I'm not always off in another room trying to get the baby asleep.
I've also been getting out of the house more, which is great for us all. Baby sleeps in the pram, I get some fresh air, toddler gets out, plays with other kids, runs around, and (usually) gives me some window of peace and quiet in the afternoon.
I have been really strict with the phone/tv/dvds and computer, which provides toddler with much more opportunity to engage in imaginative play. He whinged and protested at first (still does sometimes), but after 5 mins of nothing to do, he'll go to his toy box and create his own entertainment. I have been playing with him more too, and praising him when he does play independently. Also just talking to him about how it's good to play on your own sometimes because you can play whatever you feel like, make up your own games, imagine whatever you want to, don't have to share, etc.
ETA: the other thing I've done is modelled imaginative play for him by acting out a scenario, giving him a role, and letting him see how fun it can be! After I did this a few times he started doing it a lot too.
Interestingly, he's started recognising his own signs of tiredness now that he's having less passive entertainment from electronic things (not that he'll nap for me though!!). I've also noticed that it's when he's tired that he reaches for the passive entertainment. So I'm working with that and plan a DVD or iPhone game time when he needs to have some quiet time or after we've been out for the day. He's quickly gotten used to the tighter limits and is coping fine. A few times I've even found myself thinking "where's he gone?" and go find him out in the backyard running around, or down in his room turning his bed into a "bus", or hosting a party with his teddies.
He still loves company and for us to join in his play (which of course we do), but no longer expects constant entertainment.
So! If you made it through that, well done. Thanks for your suggestions and ideas. I hope you all find similar success.
Last edited by skeetaboat; March 12th, 2010 at 09:51 PM.
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hun. I remember how hard it was. It's like you have to prove you love them.
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