Does anyone feel like this?

[nattyfred]

Hi I guess Im just wondering if this is all normal..I suspect it is but just wanted to know Im not alone..

My baby girl is around 7 weeks, nearly 8, and I am so in love with her but Im exhausted...still!!! Everyone said to me the first 5 weeks are the hardest but we are still on struggle street....

She is just so hard to settle that I feel so ripped off when everyone else with young babies that I know say what a great time it is when they are newborns I just cant agree...I mean I love her and I enjoy watching her grow but I feel like I am on tenterhooks like she could scream all day or night at the drop of a hat and dh and I can try everything to soothe her to no avail...Then just as suddenly she stops, looks like an angel, sleeps and then we wait........Its bloody terrifying!

Today we have had a near perfect day but we are dreading tonight in case she is playing a funny joke on us....

Am I alone?

[Emma1979]

totally not alone... i felt like that for months... probably about 8 months, then things improved, but also my mindset improved too....
its the hardest time of your life and anyone who says otherwise, well i wouldn't pay them any attention...
i just wanted to say that the babies you are comparing yours to, those babies will have their turn of being holy terrors, trust me.... in my mothers group my baby was the only one who didn't sleep well, but over the last 3 years i promise you they have all had their share of hellish phases, its just that my dd went through it early.... just because they are settled for a few weeks doesn't mean it is going to stay that way, they are so unpredictable, you just have to take each day as it comes, and when its a nightmare day or night, just repeat that it will not last forever....

although at the time it feels never ending, and the exhaustion is all consuming, it honestly gets better and when you are on the other side you realise how quickly things passed... just try to get as much rest as possible and go with the flow, let your baby lead, and try to enjoy the good moments and not tense up every time she cries... sometimes things get worse before they get better, and there isn't much you can often do but wait it out.... but i promise you it gets easier, and the exhaustion also gets easier to handle, your body adapts...

good luck, don't compare babies i promise you they all have their moments... you might find in a few months she is sleeping through and is an angel, and the other people you know are going through a hard time, everyone gets their challenging moments i promise.

take care of yourself and don't be too hard on yourself, its still such early days, in all honestly for me the first six months took a lot of adjustment.

[*LovemyKids*]

NO WAY are you alone!!!!!!!!!! My first son was EXACTLY that i could have written your post myself, What am i doing wrong?? was my thought,
And how come younger people seem to be doing better at this then me???? I thought that I would be a natural and it would not be that hard!!
My son had Colic and nothing i mean nothing we did would help him!! He just grew out of it. I was told by 12 weeks they should be right!!! Luckly he was bout 9 weeks and totally changed. I am not saying that he was perfect but the daily screaming stopped!!! This might not be your bubs problem just telling you my story.

Goodluck and i hope things gets sorted out for you and your bubs soon!!

It does get easier and better I promise !!!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

No, not alone. It gets easier if you don't have a crying baby. People somehow neglect that one. For me, it just keeps getting harder. Those first few weeks were great: he slept, fed, poo'd, didn't play, let me read novels at him, didn't nag to go to the station to see the trains, I had coffee mornings... I loved those early days!

FWIW, I found that DS was up screaming more if I had caffeine. That includes any chocolate whatsoever. Minor irritants were me having cow's milk (him having it was a major one). It's a harsh step, because he was tired but couldn't sleep because I had a coffee that day, so I'm tired and need a caffeine fix, can't just give him formula for a day because he always just vomitted it back up... but even though I was pretty dead on my feet, it did help a lot. I might get some sleep when I had no caffeine.

If she stays "difficult" (she's not, there's a problem she's trying to tell you about, only you can't understand) then try cutting out common allergens in your diet. Caffeine and cow's milk for me. Maybe something else for you. Maybe a food diary so you can see how and if what you eat affects your daughter. Or try an osteopath. The chap I took DS too pointed out a few problem areas caused by a traumatic birth (his words after a very neutral and facty telling) and also the car accident we'd had, which did help a little bit. But as the dairy intolence was the main thing, that didn't cure it entirely.

I hope this perfect day is the first of many and whatever the problem was has sorted itself, but if not I'm sure there are loads more suggestions that the other ladies here will make. Good luck.

[~Hestia~]

Nope, you're definitely not alone!!

[Miss.September]

Hi Nattyfred,

The feelings are normal - when my DD was born, and my DH went back to work, I had nobody to lean on as my mum was overseas. I used to get the shakes just at the thought that I'd have to go to the shops, incase DD started crying and I wasn't confident that I could stop her. The days felt so long and I was so tired, but I forced myself to go through the motions to keep myself sane. Nights were a scary thing, because not only would she wake up crying, I was leaping up so fast, so she didn't wake DH, and basically freaking myself out further!

She's now nine months old, and I know her in and out and we go EVERYWHERE!!!!Nights can sometimes still be a challenge, teething, growth spurts, ect, but you will know what to do as time goes on. Give it time, don't worry about what everyone says because every baby is different, and some will take longer than others to settle. Pretty soon, you'll be having a ball and be proud of yourself when you start predicting the cry times.

Corelly

[Arimeh]

Oh natty It is so difficult when they are screaming and you don't know what they are screaming about - how we wish they came out talking huh? (And then, when they get to 3, they can stop talking thank you!! lol)

Have you taken her to see a GP to rule out silent reflux? Or could be colic, that sets in about 3 weeks of age (from my book I have here anyway) to around 3 months. Aricyn had colic and reflux (but was a happy chucker) and he was a pretty grumpy sod when he was a newborn (and come to think of it - still bloody is!)

I'd go to an osteo or paediatric chiro as well, just to rule out any muscular problems. Both my kids had neck problems due to their birth - and we are taking DD2 to see a chiro on Wednesday to see if they can help stop her vomiting so much. Its quite amazing what they can do.

Just remember if she is really getting to you - go outside - the screaming is never as loud when you are out in the fresh air.

[Ozziehoffy]

*nods* yup... getting close to 9 months now... I somehow managed to get me a crappy sleeper of a baby, dunno I thought I ordered a good one but hmmmm lol. One thing I have to make sure I allow myself to do is LET hubby do things to help even if it's not done how I like. Also, take your 5 mins in the shower for your sanity, hubby will be ok. I hate it when bub cries and you just can't work it out, it's very difficult to be a mind reader. Know that you are not alone and that we all go through it too

[misty]

My first was exactly like that. And if I hear one more time people tell me it is because she was my first and I was inexperienced I'll scream (yes, people 'still' insist that is the reason she was so unsettled). I have been lucky with my next two, but I still remember in great detail the sheer exhaustion of dealing with my firstborn. If it is any consolation, she grew to be a fabulously easy toddler, whereas my DS1 who was an 'easy' (relatively speaking) baby is a terror of a toddler.

[Emma1979]

yes, also wanted to say that my nightmare baby turned into a fabulour toddler, from the time she started walking she was remarkably happier... she learned to talk early and is articulate and funny, we have never had to baby proof ANYTHING in the house, as she has done as she is told and not touched certain things... she is a delight and is absolutely gorgeous inside and out.... she never runs off and has understood requests from a super young age.... alot of the other toddlers have just been uncontrollable... i never thought i would say this due to what she was like as a baby, but i am so so so so so lucky now....

[girlonamission]

You are most certainly not alone

I felt the EXACT same way when DS1 was born. I was so overwhelmed with love and adoration for him, but at the same time, i was like the living dead. I was SO tired, and so mentally and physically exhausted. He used to feed every 3 hours around the clock, until he was at least 4 or 5 months old, and he was extremely hard to settle. As he got older he actually got harder to settle, and by the time he was 6 months, he could lay in his cot and would scream for hours if I'd let him (not that I did let him, but I'm just saying, he had such willpower and would fight sleep and would rather lay there and scream until I would go and pick him up).

I too felt so ripped off that others had babies who slept through the night at 8 weeks, I felt so useless and pathetic and the lack of sleep really messed with my head. In hindsight, I should've stopped trying to be the "perfect" mum and stopped trying to turn him into the "perfect" baby. I used to try all the settling techniques etc, and in the end I just got totally overwhelemed and confused.

When DS2 came along, I tried to be much more relaxed, I would take him to bed with me if it meant he stopped crying, I cuddled him heaps and basically just went with the flow and tried not to turn every day into a battle. He's a much more relaxed baby than DS1 was, I don't know if its personality related or if he can pick up on the fact I'm more relaxed. Whatever the case, I just want to tell you it WILL get better, I promise you.

DS1 is now almost 3 and he sleeps really well at night, all night long. Thats another reason why I think I handle it better when DS2 still wakes me during the night. I know this phase will pass as I've been there before.

Good luck, I hope it gets better for you soon. Being a first time parent to a baby who is unsettled really is hard and makes you feel lonely, but remind yourself that you're not alone, and that it will get better eventually.

[JennaJayen]

While my DS was good (he was the only one in Mothers Group that never cried), when he reached 6 months and started cutting teeth it changed all together. Screaming for no reason, throwing tantrums, throwing toys, biting, pinching, trying to poke eyes out (yes it can start that early, but we're hoping all the loud "NO's" will curb his enthusiasm for it and make it easier for us when he's older).

I've adapted to the lack of sleep, and thankfully for me (although DF hates it when he is home) I now sleep like a log in the mornings (meaning that DS has to scream to be heard, and DF does the morning feeds when he is home). I'm still exhausted all the time though. All I want to do by lunch time is sleep.

If she is still very hard to settle, try changing her formula (if you are bottle feeding) or (if you are breast feeding) change some things in your diet as the other girls said.

It could also be that she is hungry? DS always screams at the drop of a hat when he's hungry (He's almost 13 months old now and has been doing it since I got out of hospital). Maybe try doing a top up with a lactose free formula after each feed and see if that helps? If you need to, try a few different formula's.

Also, not sure if this will help or not, but my little half brother would scream constantly as a baby after every feed and in between (My step-mother bf him). They later found out that he was lactose intolerant, and when it got worse after putting him on lactose free formula and soy formula, they found that he was gluten intolerant and soy intolerant too, so now all he can have is water, juice and rice milk. Ask your MCHN and doctor about options to find out if it is her (and yours too) diet that is causing the screaming, or if it is colic etc.

[nattyfred]

Wow! Thanks so much for all your replies, I guess I just wanted to see if I was the only one (which I kind of knew I wasnt). Oh and since I posted V has slept so well last night and this morning so at least I have had a chance to recharge the batteries for next time....Or maybe she is gaining her strength for her next time lol (Dh thinks thats the case..)

There were definately a few options I can try, but the doc has ruled out colic and reflux and actually seemed more concerned about me lol...Im bf her and seem to have plenty of milk and she is gaining lots (around 250-300g a week) Ill keep in mind the chiro too thanks Arimeh. Ill also cut out the caffeine...god help me... I have been avoiding citrus and chocolate but havent been able to give up my Earl Grey...I suppose me and the Earl need to break up for a while...

Thankyou all so much for your stories I feel like all your induvidual replies will give me a bit of strength and perspective...Isnt it nice to know I am not alone in this situation! I really want to be able to enjoy V as I have a whole year off work and I know not a lot of ppl get to have that, I guess I had a bit of a rose coloured glasses view on things and how they would be..Snap back to reality lol...

Cheers Natty xx

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

Everyone said to me the first 5 weeks are the hardest but we are still on struggle street....

Oh big hun - def not alone! - as for the first 5 weeks being the hardest?? - I found the first 15 weeks hard!! - so those who only have 5 weeks are doing pretty good i'd say!

Chin up sweet, and like others have said, maybe take bubs to see paed/osteo?