looking for support - anyone stopped using dummy

[Emma1979]

well after a great week of sleep (besides waking for dummy during day) we had one of the worst nights last night on record... hollie woke for her dummy roughly every ten minutes from 1.30am until 5am... she wasn't hungry as i offered a bottle and she wasn't interested, she just needed the dummy put back in her mouth for her to go back to sleep. I am exhausted and as this has been going on during daytime naps for sometime, and now seems to have progressed to night time sleeps, I have decided to stop using the dummy cold turkey.

she is at present screaming her little head off, so upset. there is nothing i can do to comfort her. patting, stroking, even just being in the room makes her madder. i have sort of unwrapped her so she can access her hands to suck if she wants, but so far she hasn't done that.

after 20 minutes of screaming her head off she did drop off to sleep for half an hour, but has now woken angrier than ever. i am just wanting people to reassure me that this wont last forever, that she will forget about her dummy sooner or later and learn to sleep without it?

we went to the day stay program so she could learn to fall asleep by herself in her cot, which worked wonders, but now i feel we are back at square one again as she needs me to put the dummy in for her to fall asleep, so she's not really falling asleep by herself at all. i can't get up every ten minutes at night, so something has to give.

anyone out there who has taken away the dummy got any messages for me? she is 14 weeks old, surely it is better to do it now than to wait any longer?

i go in every few minutes to reassure her that i am here, and i stroke her forehead (this used to send her to sleep in minutes with dummy in her mouth), but she just is so upset... i sort of seem to have to leave her to cry it out a bit. it is so hard after such a beautiful week together. i really feel for her. am i doing the right thing?

it can't last forever right....? what do you think, a day, two days, a weekend?
hoping to hear some reassurance.

[Nadine]

My DD is 16mths old and I am yet to get rid of hers. I haven't had problems of her wking for it, so I can't offer too much advice related on what you are going through.

When I went cold turkey on DD night bottle at 7mths old, I was told to go in every 5 min to reasure her. BUT if the cry was a 9 out of 10, to go in straight away, pick her up and calm her down. Then try again. If it wasn't, then to leave her for 5min, then go in and reasure her, then leave. Repeat this 5 times. On the 5th time, maybe pick her up, rewrap, and start again. They told me I may have to go through this process 20 times, maybe 50times, but each night it would get less and that in a weeks time max, she will be sleeping through. Well to my luck in only took 2 nights. And each of those night I only had to go in 3 times.

Have you tried maybe cuddling her? Even if you revert to having to rock her to sleep to start with. Then go from there.......

I am not sure, as I haven't had to go through it at such a young age.

It does get better though, and they do learn quickly!

{{{HUGS}}}

[mickyndan]

I have just taken my 22 month olds dummy off him (last night actually) and he had a dreadful sleep. I absolutely think sooner rather than later. I am currently 24 weeks pregnant and have sworn that I will not give the next bub a dummy, it is sooooo hard to take it off them. It would be hard as your bub is only 14 weeks old and they don't understand, they just know they haven't got their dummy whereas my son being a bit older you can sort of reason with them... Good luck!!! Hang in there, once you have made the decision to stop the dummy - stick with it... xxoo

[Nadine]

Emma- How did you go? If you did decided to get rid of it, I hope it wasn't to hard for you or your DD.

[PlonkeeMumma]

Was also wondering how you are going Emma? I think you are doing the right thing doing it now rather than later - Will is over a year old and i really need to get rid of his as alot of nights we have an awful time, sometimes having to put it back in 5 or 6 times. i just daren't do it yet as we are flying to the UK early in august and i just daren't be without it for the flight so will have to wait until we come home in September.
Hope it's working out for you Emma.

Julie x

[Emma1979]

well i stuck to my guns that day, it was hard, she cried for approx 20 minutes before falling asleep each time... it wasn't as bad as i thought actually... by the end of the day i was wrapping her and putting her down and i was not hearing a peep - success i thought, in just one day.... brilliant... BUT, then during the night when she woke, i suddenly realised 'how will i settle her??' - without a dummy i would either have to feed her (really trying not to encourage starting night feeds again when i know she can sleep thru), rock her, etc etc, so when she woke in the night, she got her dummy again...

i thought okay, i will just use it for re-settling.... this worked for a day or so, but now as i go to put her down for a nap, i have to use the dummy, otherwise she cries. i dont think there is a happy medium with dummies.... i wish i could use only in the middle of the night to avoid feeds, but it seems if i use it sometimes, she wants it all the time...

we are having a terrible terrible time at night... i am up sometimes 3 times in an hour because she has woken up and i have to go put the dummy back in... it goes on all night.... i am at a loss with what to do. i even offered her a bottle one time, at 2am (when her last feed was 9pm), but she wouldn't take it.

as soon as i put the dummy in she closes her eyes and goes back to sleep, but she is so restless and keeps turning her head from side to side, and then the dummy falls out and then I'm up again. really struggling.

if your bub is waking so many times at night, i am thinking if i didnt have the dummy then what would i do?? am going to talk to my MCHN about it tomorrow for suggestions.

i tried co sleeping last night but she still was restless and kept waking. we didnt feed though. she can go a long time without a feed, but not without waking. i am hanging out til she is 6 months so i can then consider other avenues, like leaving to cry a little etc. am desperate.

[krysalyss]

Hi Hallie,
You could try one thing that I do . I have posted it before but am not sure that it works for anyone else. Sometimes I need to let my little son settle with a dummy. (He is allowed it for day sleeps but not for night). If I really need to at night he can have it to quiet down with. Once he is asleep I pull it out myself. He hasnt even gotten upset by this and will either stay asleep or can resettle from there. It tends to work better than letting it fall out as he then will wake up. Why dont you try it and let me know if you have any success? I find that babies with dummys dont tend to have a deep sleep. I use it when he has late afternoon sleeps because I can then wake him for a top up before bed. If he doesnt have the dummy he has a normal sleep and I cant get him to feed.

[Tobily]

I totally sympathise with what you're going through, my DS is nine months old and still waking up alot at night because he can't resettle himself. He has a dummy but I'm at the point with him now where I put three in his cot and he has to get it himself...but your bub is still a bit little for that trick.

Even though she's slept through the night without feeding previously by the sounds of it, I really wouldn't rule out that she's hungry. She is only three months old and that is still quite young to go all night without a feed. It was this that kind of made me wonder:

as soon as i put the dummy in she closes her eyes and goes back to sleep, but she is so restless and keeps turning her head from side to side, and then the dummy falls out and then I'm up again. really struggling.

To me, this sounds a bit like it's not so much about the dummy - she'll settle for a little while with it but is still restless so I'm wondering if there's something else going on ie. that she's hungry. Have you tried feeding her to see if she'll settle for a few hours after that? WAking every ten minutes like that just sounds like hunger to me...just a thought.

Hope you get some sleep soon it's absolutely horrible being woken up all night long like that, pure torture

[Emma1979]

krysalyss - i have tried that and it sometimes works, during the day it can work and she will not notice and will continue sleeping, but it doesn't seem to stop her waking up as she moves into a deeper or lighter sleep (between sleep cycles, usually 45 minutes). I tried it with success yesterday, i think she slept a further hour and a bit which was really good, then tried it at night and she woke up a little while after and i then had to calm her down etc. so unfortunately it doesn't seem to be the answer.

the thing is, she has never really been that into the dummy, i guess i sort of forced it upon her thinking it would be a good thing.... she often spits it out several times as i am trying to settle her to sleep... but it seems to be the only thing that quickly re-settles her, if that makes any sense.

flea - i think i will just try feeding her next time it happens in the middle of the night and see if that gives me a few hours.... the frustrating thing is, even if she has just had a feed, she STILL wakes up.... it seems to be every 45 minutes.... its so annoying as she used to go to sleep at night and stay asleep for a few solid hours, sometimes 5 or 6. I just don't get why now she can't stay asleep. I have to help her back to sleep by either replacing dummy, or i could pick her up and let her cry in my arms while i rock her.

i wish i knew why she is waking so frequently.

[JoMarie]

Emma - Nicholas is exactly the same. I was planning to get rid of the dummy over the weekend as he had a cold and couldn't really breathe through his nose with the dummy in. Also, it was causing problems through the day sleeps as as soon as it fell out, he would cry for it.I have found that he has a really big mouth (in the nicest possible way of course) and I have changed his dummies to these huge 12month size ones so he can actually keep it in his mouth. My DD had a dummy until she was 2 1/2 and then threw them out herself. She only ever had them for sleep and it was never an issue.

i have decided not to worry about the dummy now, and leave him with it. He usually spits it out when he is sound asleep anyway, and I am hoping that this waking every 1/2 hour is just a phase! It can't last forever (god I hope not anyway). I give Nic his last feed at 6.30pm and he usually goes through to 7am. Even now that he is waking all night, I don't feed him unless nothing else works. Good luck.

[Emma1979]

well last night she had her last feed at about 9.30pm, she slept for half an hour then crying.... i was adamant that i was not going to give her dummy, well she cried and cried and cried, and then was inconsolable... my partner ended up giving her the dummy but by then it was no use, she was so worked up... so he rocked her for a while to calm her down, and by the time she went to sleep it was after midnight... she woke twice at about 1.15am and he put the dummy back in, then she woke at 3.30am and i thought id feed her to see if that made a difference, she was unwrapped, and i put the dummy in while i got her bottle made, but then i didnt hear a sound from her, so i went back to bed.... the next time i heard from her it was 8am!! she slept (i assume) unwrapped from about 4am to 8am.... usually she will not sleep unless she is all wrapped up, albeit she does try to escape from her wrap.... i am thinking maybe she will sleep better not wrapped anymore, but it will be so hard to actually get her to sleep unless she is wrapped, if that makes any sense at all.

i hear you on not feeding unless nothing else works... i am really paranoid about introducing middle of the night feeds again, as i know she can go from 9pm ish til morning without.... wow you are so lucky, him having last feed at 6.30pm - what time does he go down after this?

i am at present trying to get her to have her nap and i have not wrapped her, and i can hear her in there playing.... i cant see her dropping off to sleep, but i guess i just have to try it.

[krisp]

Hi Emma, My son had a dummy until about 8 months old. We took it off him as he too would wake 8-10 times a night for me to put it back in. He is now 16 months old and still wakes through the night. We are still giving him a bottle o/n and he goes straight back to sleep until morning. I know all the books and CHN say they don't need o/n feeds but I'm expecting #2 in November and its easier for us to get up once feed him change his nappy and be back in bed. It only takes 15-20 minutes and everyone's happy. Do what works for you and not what books or professionals say. If your little one needs a feed then I say let her have it, it won't last forever, the night sleeps will come. Ewan sleeps through now from 7.30pm to 6-7am a few times a week so we are making progress and neither he nor I are hysterical and sleepless through the night.

[boybump]

Hey Emma,
I took Benny's dummy away at 12 weeks - like you I forced it on him and he didn't really need it and I felt like I was using it to keep him quiet. I used the Ngala technique ( I think!) where I turned him on his side in his cot and rocked him so he couldn't see me.
He would scream the place down and it was really hard when DH was home 'cos he hates Benny crying. Fortunately Benny found his thumb - that took time though 'cos it waould fall out or he couldn't remember where his mouth was.
I wanted to do it early as well so I didn't have to try later when he would remember it.
It will take time, but like the other girls said, do what works for you and don't be hard on yourself.

[ZigZag]

I know this isn't exactly helping you get rid of the dummy but, can you perhaps try a different dummy? Different shaped teat? Maybe a different shape will stay in her mouth.

My DD has always used and still uses a dummy, but has only ever been used for sleep times. It will definitely be harder for us to get rid of at this late development stage (she's 2) but it's worked for us having it. We've been through some rough sleeping patches in her life thus far which resulted in a week at a sleeping program for various reasons.

All I can suggest is stick to your guns, have a plan and stick to the plan and don't vary from it. In hindsight to our experience with our DD having sleeping difficulties for slightly different reasons, it just confused her too much when we tried too many different things to get her to go to sleep. Once we went to Tresillian for a sleep program and we stuck to the one plan rather than trying loads of different stuff, she was sleeping well within a week of being home.

At the same time, it is all trial and error to find what you and your baby feel comfortable with.

Hope you get some rest soon.