There are definitely no mother of the year awards on the way at my place. I LOST IT at DD today. I guess this is more a vent than anything else... I just need to let it out.

I took her and DS to library story time today for something fun for us to do. DD is VERY clingy, and hangs onto my leg constantly when we go out and do things, and I am finding this very challenging now that I have DS - it is impossible to even feed him when she insists on being in my lap all the time, even though she is nearly 2 1/2 now. Anyway, she was doing her usual and whinging and clinging to me and DS had been screaming, and I mean SCREAMING all morning (I have no idea why) and it was time to do the craft activity. Again, she whinged and carried on and clung to me and I couldn't get down on the floor to do it with her as I was busy with DS. She cracked in and I decided we would leave. On the way out we saw someone we knew and they said hello to DD. I told her to say hello and I took her dummy out as she knows you can't talk with a dummy in her mouth. Now, I have had it with her dummy, it has to go everywhere and if you get caught out without one, she loses it. I have tried everything to get rid of it, but DD is one persistent kid and DH and I have just not managed to get rid of it. BUT, for some reason, I decided I had had enough and I refused to give the dummy back. Why I decided to do this in a public place, I have no idea!!! She LOST IT, kicking and screaming on the floor, everyone in the place could hear her, meanwhile DS was still at it too. I left, but then had to pay a bill on the way back to the car, and again, both kids cracked it and screamed the place down.

As soon as I left the building, I lost my cool. I grabbed DD by the arm REALLY hard, screamed at her, threw her in the car, sped home, screamed again and threw her in her room. Then I got DS out of the car (who I was also getting impatient with), sorted him out, and sat down and cried. DD continued to scream in her room until she went hoarse.

I now feel like the worst mummy in the world. I know we all lose it sometimes, but I REALLY lost it at her, and in public!! I have no idea how many people saw my little meltdown as I was too busy losing it, but now I feel awful.She didn't deserve that extreme a reaction from me, but I am just all out of patience. She is a challenging child at the best of times, everything with her is an issue, and I have had too little sleep to put up with it today. She still doesn't sleep through the night and I am up at least twice a night with her and at least 2-3 times a night with the baby. Not to mention the cat that has had me up twice a night the last few nights, and the builders next door who thwart any opportunity of a sleep in or a day nap should the kids make it possible.

You deserve a medal if you got through that. Sorry, just needed to get it out there to vent a little.

Oh, and I am sticking to my guns and only letting her have the dummy at bedtime, so I think I am for a challenging few days too...