Making a "rod"?

[human bean]

I think it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job too, and you know your own bub, what works for you, and that all is going well. I'm sorry you've had so many negative encounters and judgements I saw a onsie online the other day that had 'My Mum doesn't want your advice" printed across the front of it. Think we could both do with one for our bubs!

[onthefly]

You're doing wonderfully!
I think mums find it hard to see their kids doing things differently to how they did - they sometimes take it as a personal attack on their parenting. My mum was the same... early on. She told me to let him cry and not keep picking him up.
Finally, one day, she got "The Look" and said "I should stop, shouldn't I?" And then she did.
Now, she has completely changed her assessment of my parenting style. Why? Because her grandson is so absolutely wonderful and happy. Oh my! We didn't ruin him!

Give the nurse a miss - soem of them really do dreadful things to new mum's confidence. If you ever need reassurance that you're doing well, look to your daughter. The proof is in the pudding.

[~Raven~]

All 4 of mine have clicked into their own routine and sleeping through at different ages. The oldest being 14 weeks and the youngest being 5. They have all been treated the same ie demand fed so it is my opinion that they will do it when they are ready and it's best to go with the flow and enjoy your baby

Try and ignore the comments as hard as it is sometimes and keep doing what you feel is best for you both I have to share that I tried to CC my first because I though that was what you had to do. It didn't work so I gave up and 2 weeks later at 8 weeks he was sleeping through anyway. I do wonder, had I persisted, if the CC would have taken the credit

[TeniBear]

Sorry, this has nothing to do with the original post (you're doing a great job, btw!) but can someone please explain what the phrase "making a rod for your own back" is supposed to mean?
Well, I know what it means, but to me the expression sounds like the opposite of what it's used for - if you're making a rod for your back, doesn't that mean you're being tougher and more rigid, rather than "giving in" and being soft? It's been driving me nuts since I first heard it

[Visitor7]

teni - I just googled it, and this is the first thing that popped up:
"to do something that is likely to cause problems for you in the future" People say that if you let your baby sleep in your bed with you for the first few months, you're just making a rod for your own back.

[Traveller]

The rod that is referred to is like a whip (spare the rod and spoil the child) - making a rod for your own back would be designing an instrument of torture for yourself

[jackrose]

I agree wholeheartedly with the other posters, you are doing a fantastic beautiful job with your little one! It made me smile to read your post about how wonderfully she was feeding... until I got to the part about the "routine" Argh!!! What is wrong with some people. And then your MCH!!!!

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with feeding to sleep, in fact there is some evidence to suggest that is what we are designed to do!! There is a hormone in breastmilk which sends babies off to sleep. I am just beginning my second bf journey with my second little one and I was just thinking today that I had forgotten the beautiful feeling that you get when your baby has had their fill, pulls off the breast with a groan and their eyes closed and heads off into a deep sleep. It is so divine!

Check out a great article on the Australian Breastfeeding Association Website for a better explanation than I can give about why it is ok to feed to sleep and ok to pick up a child when they cry. Actaully, more than ok - it is necessary!!! I am not sure if I can link it here so try googling "ABA spoiling" The article came up as the first link when I googled that!

Keep up the good work, enjoy the precious time with your baby and steer clear of those who tell you what you know deep down in your heart to be untrue

[MummaSue]

Thanks so much again people, I feel 100% better about it all now.
Our little miss hasn't had a daytime nap which has lasted longer than 15 minutes for the past 3 days now - I think that she is missing my family (who returned to Scotland on monday night) - but she is currently into her second hour of her nap so I am very happy. Am really glad to get things back to normal for her - our co-sleeping, breastfeeding little cherub!!

Sue xxxx

[Nettie]

Sue - the only thing I can think of is that maybe you're missing that tiny little narrow window of when she's tired. Some kids can get overtired within 10 minutes, so if you don't seize the opportunity to get bubs to sleep when shes just getting tired, they can't sleep and get cranky! But you're doing an awesome job! There ARE good MCHN's out there - I've got one who completely agreed with BLS and who has been sooo supportive and kind through my little mans early days.

With the 'Rod for your own back' - I always thought it meant that if you create a rod for your own back, your back will become weak and dependent on the rod...

[ss_storm]

My new MCHN is the same Nettie, she told me at our last appointment (8 months) that there was nothing DD couldn't eat (apart from honey, nuts etc) and she could just eat whatever we were eating, so whilst she didn't exactly talk about BLS I think the idea was there.

Sue are there any other MCHN's you can go back to instead of the one you saw last time? They can be good for some things, so if you can get a different one she may be a little more understanding and "modern"?

[Toomanytoomany]

Sorry, this has nothing to do with the original post (you're doing a great job, btw!) but can someone please explain what the phrase "making a rod for your own back" is supposed to mean?
Well, I know what it means, but to me the expression sounds like the opposite of what it's used for - if you're making a rod for your back, doesn't that mean you're being tougher and more rigid, rather than "giving in" and being soft? It's been driving me nuts since I first heard it

I think it's more like, you're giving your baby a rod to beat you with, iykwim. You'll be beaten down by what you are doing.

Which is utter cr*p of course.

You are doing a great job.

It took me a while to encourage Tom into good regular day sleeps. I tended to follow his cues, and he has a really good daytime routine now. The fact that your baby is doing so well overnight is just great - and you are doing a great job by listening to what she needs. Good on you! Did the MCHN tell you off about the weight gain before or after the whole feeing to sleep/routine thing? Because she might have been using the "low" (ha!) weight gain as leverage to say, "parenting, ur doing it rong" and convince you to do the sleep clinic thing (double ha!).

My MCHN was orginally pretty good over the breastfeeding thing, but once Tom hit about nine months, she was less helpful, and was downright cross at me that at thirteen months he is still having six or seven breastfeeds a day (except for this week when he's had twenty five kajillion because he's sick and off his tucker). I don't think I'll bother going back.

[Queen]

TBH I have not read the other replies
but I have two children so I am an exert kidding anyhoo DD1 I did not make a "rod" I did everything I was "supposed" to, I parented not by heart but by some stupid book, and let me tell you she is/has been the biggest PITA child (love her dearly) but DD2 I parented by heart, by my choice, how I *felt*, I listened to my body telling me what she needed, and she is a very cruisy baby.

Listen to your body, listen to your baby only YOU know what is best
Good luck xoxox

ETA CHN are the spawn of evil. I have not seen one with DD2 since she was 5 days old, and she told me I was doing something wrong :rolleye: If things are a problem, then seek help (namely BB) but parent by heart! xoxoox

[Ozziehoffy]

IMy MCHN was orginally pretty good over the breastfeeding thing, but once Tom hit about nine months, she was less helpful, and was downright cross at me that at thirteen months he is still having six or seven breastfeeds a day (except for this week when he's had twenty five kajillion because he's sick and off his tucker). I don't think I'll bother going back.

.... oh I hate that TMTM!!! I get the "looks" from people now too, omg 13 months god forbid that I am doing something natural and ummm let me see, FREE and best for bub last time I checked!! Elijah still has mmmm in excess of 5 bf a day, not sure how many though cos they're just the ones that I'm actually aware of haha. My mother just recently told me that the older baby/toddler has no benefit from BFing and I told HER that in fact they do and that furthermore THEY EVEN USE EBM FOR CANCER PATIENTS!! Ahem... so :P *off my soapbox now* and sorry for taking your thread off track! I still think you're doing a brilliant job Sue

[Jandals]

Have you read 'The Science of Parenting'? I seem to be flogging this book on a couple of threads at the moment but it's a fantastic read. It would arm you with some really great scientific evidence to answer those that try and make you feel like you're doing the wrong thing. I also find it great for when I'm starting to doubt that the decisions I'm making are 'right'. It talks about the amazing life-long benefits of co-sleeping and healthy attachment (to name a couple of things) for your baby. I got my copy from Fishpond and it was really reasonably priced.