FWIW I think you should take some of the pressure off yourself. Speaking from experience with DH away, this throws my DS into a bit of a feral state too. You are trying to be everything to them, Mum, Dad, and maintainer of an orderly home. You just can't do that all of the time. You have some washing to fold.....you can always do what I do.....put it into a room and close the door behind you, and maybe fold it when they are in bed.

I know what it's like to feel like you are always yelling at them, and I only have 1 to yell at. It is awful, you want to teach them the right thing, you want to give them the attention they need, but they also have to realise that they can't have you all the time, and they have to learn to play nicely if you are busy doing something else.

When I am cooking, I get a little ladder and get DS to help me do things, when I am hanging washing, I get DS to hand me the pegs and clothes.

It's hard, especially when your DH is away. I totally understand, but just remember, you can't be everything to everyone ALL of the time, and at the end of the day, the state of the house does not matter.