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Thread: My kids have no respect for anything.

  1. #1

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    Default My kids have no respect for anything.

    Just in the last half hour or so my kids have destroyed: a photo frame (DS pulled the stand off it), a colouring in book (DD ripped the pages out of it), crayons (DD broke them all in half and DS ate a few), they had carrots to eat which DS took a bite from, chewed it up and spat it out on the lounge room floor, ripped apart a mattress for the toy pram (DD took the cover off it and pulled the foam apart), ripped pages out of a book....there's probably more but I think you should get the gist...



    I am trying to clean the house and prepare dinner before DH comes home from being away for a few days. We have mountains of washing since it's been raining for a few days so I am trying to get all the washing folding and packing away done too. They are just being feral. They are like this alot of the time.
    I play with them alot. They are not stupid children. They both speak well and understand what is said to them. Since being pg I might not be as tough ont hem as I usually am, but I'm so sick of micro managing them. I have to be a step behind them to make sure they're not being destructo kids. I'm sick of it. What should I do, please give me some ideas, I'm all out! All I do is yell at them now. And because that's all they hear they just ignore me. I want children who respect the rules and do what they know they should...

  2. #2

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    umm... do we have the same children???
    i think it must be the age thing, my kids don't give a rats how much i rant and rave, in fact dd will stand there and yell back at me.
    god i hope it's just a stage... lol

  3. #3

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    Sounds like my girls they wonder why they have stuff all toys UM YOU BREAK THEM grrrrrrr

  4. #4

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    Sounds like DD1, she is so so full on, and i know she doesn't MEAN to ruin things she is just trying to figure out how things work etc but it's so so hard.
    Worst part is when they are ANGELS in public and no-one believes what happens at home.. my DP doesn't even get it most of the time.

    hun, it must be an age thing DD1 is 21mths... hope they settle soon.

  5. #5

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    If they are purposefully wrecking things I would tell them no and they are not allowed to do that and why, firmly but calmly, and then remove the toy or whatever else and put it away. If they end up with no toys then too bad, they will learn. I do this with DD already. She can't play with things if she is going to break them. She understands already and knows to me gentle.

    That's just what I'd do. HTH.

  6. #6

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    Miss J has been doing this for a few weeks now. I do the naughty chair thing and when she apolgies and gets off i make her clean up what it is she has thrown around.

  7. #7

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    Sounds like my house.. My nearly 5 yr old and 2.5yr old are so destructive.. Ds got a hammer out and smashed a bowl, cup and a amandarine. (we were upstairs and didn't hear anything) They pull the sheets and matress's off the beds.. Drives me batty.. He broke DD's hairclip last night. I was livid..

    and thats just been the last 2 days lol.. I don't know why they are like this.. Our eldest 2 never did stuff like this..

  8. #8

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    The thing that frustrates me the most is that I just can't do anything without them with in my sight because they will just destroy stuff or get into stuff they know they shouldn't. This arvo, DS has already tipped the wood shavings and splinters out of the box they were in (all over the carpet), after I had told him not to touch it about 3 times in about 10mins (plus the million other times he has heard it), tipped out his milk onto the carpet. DD ate the cheese and ham off her sandwich and proceeded to throw her buttered bread onto the carpet after she smeared the butter onto the table. I told her prior to doing it that if she didn't want the bread to just leave it on the plate. She's almost 3 1/2, she understands me. It ****s me no end that they know what I expect, I tell them clearly and simply. Then they do it anyway. I'm going batty. I have just put them outside now because I feel like I'm going to go nuts. I do get them to clean up what they can. I know some of it is age related and normal. But seriously the amount of time I have to tell them stuff....then on the 100th time, I just lose it because I ahve said it soooooo many times!
    Last edited by MrsFabuloso; July 14th, 2010 at 02:50 PM.

  9. #9

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    It's very frustrating, hey. Mine don't break things but they do tip stuff all over the floor and refuse to help me clean up. Fair enough for Phoebe, but Natalie knows better and I know she does it just to push my buttons. I gave up trying to pick up after them and Nat has fallen over her stuff - I felt like a bit of a bully but I told her that's what happens when you leave stuff everywhere.
    Possibly it's happening because they want to get that reaction from you? My advice FWIW would be to ignore what you can and stuff that can't be ignored (like the butter incident where they deliberately go against what you've said, or violent incidents) I'd be timing out or removing a desired object. Of course, any positive stuff (though in my case they are few and far between, LOL!) should be rewarded. I struggle with this! But I think it's the most effective way to teach positive behaviour.
    Good luck, mate. I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed by housework and have the kids trail behind you trashing the joint in your wake.

  10. #10

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    Sounds like they do need a good run outside to get rid of the hangover from being stuck inside for a few days - yay for the sunshine!!

    When they're seriously driving you nuts, take them outside for a walk or go to the park or something, hun. If it's raining, stick them in warm clothes, gumboots and raincoats. They'll love it even more! I'm not a fan, especially in school holidays, but a trip to those indoor play centres sounds less stressful than constantly picking food out of the carpet. Give yourself a break and put your feet up. I'm sure you can tune the noise out! And leave the mess until you come back with them all worn out (and dare I suggest, stick them in front of Playschool for half an hour so that you can tidy up in peace).

    You've worked with kids so I'm sure you know all the tricks, taking toys away if they damage them, etc, it sounds more like it's just a case of going a bit stir crazy and trying to make Mummy jump up and down.

    Oh and for cleaning up, I'm going to use pre-school's tip, the teacher puts on a certain clean-up song and my goodness, the kids all race around trying to tidy before it finishes! DD is pretty good at tidying, but I've never seen anything like this effort with not even a word! The only reward is that it's singing time afterwards. I'm still in shock (not that DD gets rewarded for tidying at home, but YKWIM).
    Last edited by Jennifer13; July 14th, 2010 at 03:20 PM.

  11. #11

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    You are not alone don't be too hard on yourself kids know and right now they know mummys tired and they are going to push you. ds is a couple of weeks off being 3, I swear he has been experiencing the 3s for about 6 months now, yesterday apparently it was ok to destroy things that were his.
    Even when I explained to him that if he breaks his toys by standing on them I will throw them in the bin, the responce I got but it's mine, as if that makes it better.
    Maybe they are wanting some consequence. I would have thrown the colouring books and crayons in the bin (or pretended if they wwere expensive) and let ds cry about it. But i'm a mean mummy

    and the standard rule for tidying up here, is if mummy asks you to and she has to tidy everything up for you, it's gone, (hidden in another room). A girl I work with will actually throw toys out if they are not tidied up, even the expensive ones.

    focus your energy on the eldest one because the younger one might copy good behaviour too
    Last edited by kungfubecca; July 14th, 2010 at 04:04 PM.

  12. #12

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    Mine can be the same. Mostly their toys that could be broken no longer exsist anymore, only the strongest have survived. If they are being particularly restless and destructive and the weather is good enough I try to do messy play with them outside. Like mix up cornflour, water and food colouring give them containers to tip it into and send outside and don't look at all the mess they are making out there. I find that if I give them one area where it doesnt matter what they do, they seem more able to keep the inside clean.

    I too find all the destruction and lack of respect for stuff really frustrating, but I guess they don't yet have a concept of when its broken, its gone.

  13. #13

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    OMG Kel, you just described my kids too.. LOL

  14. #14

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    What do you guys do when your kids break things (ie punishments) For Ds3 we usually send him to his room and make him clean up whatever mess he made.. DD we get cross and make her clean it up.. Tonight Ds3 and Dd are both driving me batty with running around the house and I don't dare look to see what mess they just made in their room.. no doubt the sheets are pulled off again (all this after a great day today)

  15. #15

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    Thanks again everyone, you're making my zoo, I mean home look normal! It's nice to feel normal, lol!

    Amy, I'm a bit like that with Liam, I do let him get away with a bit but he's getting bigger now and understands alot. He's just very stubburn! And monstrous, lol! He can be very destructive, though sometimes he's just exploring and wreaks things accidentally. Lil is usually pretty gentle and will ask if she can do things, just lately she has become...naughty is the only word I can think of! She has always been a great kid, never went through the terrible twos, she's having horrific threes though. Definately making up for it! I usually do ignore things I can, and if they hurt themselves I tell them that's the result of what ever it was that made it happen. And I do reward them for positive behaviour. I thank them for helping, hug them when they're sharing, tell them what ever it is that is wonderful and I appreciate them and their efforts....stuff like that.

    Jen, I think you've hit the nail on the head in saying I had the techniques to make their behaviour better. I do and that's another thing that irks me. I have 13yrs working with children of this age. I have training, a diploma, degree....I can do it with other peoples children. Alot of parents used to come to me to learn about behaviour modification techniques. I could sit on the floor with a child for an hour in the midst of a tanty until they stopped and did what they were expected to. But with my kids I'm so hit and miss. Some days I have it in me, some days I just don't. Some days I just can't face the tanty's and screaming. That's the problem. Me. I haven't been terribly consistent lately being pg and just having moved and I'm struggling a bit myself. DH has been away 2 out of 6 weeks, which we aren't used to. He always works, but is always home every night or day depending on shifts. The kids are testing me and I feel like I'm failing them and me.

    Rebecca, I do throw toys out or confiscate them if the kids are being destructive with them. They have so may toys it's not really a problem for them. They hardly notice....I have put some of their toys away because they have alot but it still seems like their toy room is a toy store! And I do try to focus on DD. But sometimes I feel like I'm picking on her and I'm not tough enough on DS. He's almost 2 so is getting to a point he can understand and follow through.

    Fig, I do that stuff with them. That's part of why I can't understand why they get like this. I do painting and collage and drawing and mud pies and playdough. We go outside every day at least into the yard if not to the park a few times a week. We go to playgroup. I don't know how else to occupy them. They just want my attention 24/7, and I can't give it to them, so they destroy stuff because they know I will get cranky at them and they will have to help clean up.

    Nic, consequences for DD is for her to go to her room if she's being horrible. When she's over her tanty or when she feels ready to play in an appropriate way she can come out and say sorry ect.... DS, well....he gets told off for it, has to say sorry. Maybe I need to start doing time out for him too. I just always think he's only little! But at nearly two (he turns 2 next month) he can start understanding consequences to his actions too.
    I often feel like you too. I just don't want to know what they've done half the time. When they're quiet and playing nicely without tears and tanty's I just don't look! Eventually I have to clean it all up, and I get them to help, DD even had to vacuume up the paper she tore up the other day, lol!

    In saying all of that, we have had a really good few days the past few days. I think it all escalated because DH had been away for a week and the kids, especially DS just didn't understand what was going on. WE have never been apart for so long as a family. DS is having a tough time understanding Daddy has to go to work now too and separation anxiety is getting pretty bad for him. He's really clingy and sooky.
    Thanks again to everyone. It helps to know my kids aren't the only monsters who don't listen!

  16. #16

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    FWIW I think you should take some of the pressure off yourself. Speaking from experience with DH away, this throws my DS into a bit of a feral state too. You are trying to be everything to them, Mum, Dad, and maintainer of an orderly home. You just can't do that all of the time. You have some washing to fold.....you can always do what I do.....put it into a room and close the door behind you, and maybe fold it when they are in bed.

    I know what it's like to feel like you are always yelling at them, and I only have 1 to yell at. It is awful, you want to teach them the right thing, you want to give them the attention they need, but they also have to realise that they can't have you all the time, and they have to learn to play nicely if you are busy doing something else.

    When I am cooking, I get a little ladder and get DS to help me do things, when I am hanging washing, I get DS to hand me the pegs and clothes.

    It's hard, especially when your DH is away. I totally understand, but just remember, you can't be everything to everyone ALL of the time, and at the end of the day, the state of the house does not matter.

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