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Thread: Need suggestions please

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2004
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    Default Need suggestions please

    Lately, Lily has been having really psycho tamtrums that are uncontrolable. It will be for the littlest things too, like if she is doing something naughty and we say no, she'll just lose it. She has also started hitting Jacob in the face whenever she is cranky. Never hits me though, so not sure what that's about but she is really quite violent. The main thing is the constant tantrums though, they are just getting worse and she will have in average 5 major ones a day. she will scream until she's purple, throws anything she can get her hands on, hits, bashes things, throws herself around without even caring if she hurts herself or not. We're not sure what to do here. We are very persistant with saying no when she does something wrong but this seems to making everything worse, but we can't exactly ignore what she doing either. She has 100% attention from both of us 24/7, so it's not attention seeking.



    She is starting to do them when we are out too. She will not sit in her pram anymore and can easily get out no matter how tightly we strap her in, she will not sit in a trolley, just climbs out of them aswell. So only option we have is to let her walk around which is fine except she won't hold either of our hands and just mucks up touching everything and anything and running away. Even tried using those strap things you tie on them but she will just lay on the floor and cry until its off her.

    So we let her walk around by herself but another problem arrises when we get back in the car. She hates getting back into her car seat. Will throw a huge tantrum and go all stiff so we cant get her in then when we finally do get her in, she has now figured out how to get her arms out of the straps! They are as firm as they can go yet she still manages to get free, which of course is dangerous but how do we stop her from doing it? This is going to be so hard, especially with a newborn, plus Jacob will probably go into the air force beginning of next year and will be gone for 10 weeks. What am i going to do with her then?

  2. #2

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    it does your head in when they chuck tanties doesn't it. It must be pretty hard on you coping with 5 a day. I'm afraid I have very little to suggest except maybe the trying to catch her being good thing. When you see her doing the right thing (ie sitting quietly in her pram for half a second lol) give her heaps of praise so that she wants to repeat the good behavoiur to get the praise and good attention.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Oct 2003
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    Forestville NSW
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    aww Tegan *hugs* It is absolutely awful to see your baby go through tantrums like that.
    I know you've read some of my journey with Matilda & her tantrums... if not have a read of my de-brief here. Our family has been going through a Triple P independant consultant to have help with some of Matilda's extreme tantrums.

    When she was younger, she used to do the stiff car seat thing. I can't imagine having to go through it when pregnant. She used to go stiff as a board & I would just hold her in place until something relaxed. She would often scream during it & I often had people coming up to me asking me if I needed a hand. We started telling her ages before we were going to the car that we were on our way & that "good behaviour was getting in the car seat and staying there" and "when Matilda had good behaviour in the car, she got a surprise when we got home". We started slow with things like just getting into the seat was a feat for us, so we would hand her something, toy or snack just as we were lifting her into the car & then generally she would be strapped in easier. Then we would fight the battle of staying in the car seat separately.

    I found it was her struggle for indepenance that caused all the little things. So our fights with her running away from us in public places & getting in & out of cars & trolleys etc etc are all about her being indepenant. We now give her a few choices to make during the journey so she knows that she has some "power" or independance, but we always pull rank on safety.

    Examples:

    She gets to have the monkey (harness) on or in the pram. We have bought a special harness last week that attaches to car seats & prams to keep her in as she was about to get out of anything....

    She may get to choose her snacks. I may ask her what flavour she wants.

    Depending on where we are she may get to choose one of the things we buy.

    *Her choices always are between 2 items, too many and it becomes too much and I am always patient letting her go between them & think about it.*


    Now in no way have we won the war on our strong willed sausage. But I don't want to break her spirit either. We are 3/4 of the way through our independant work with the family consultant and we are seeing some major breakthroughs especially with going out & about. We may have 1-2 extreme tantrums a fortnight rather than 4-5 a day. I call them extreme because she does self-harm, like holding her breath until she passes out, vomitting, running into walls with her eyes shut etc....

    This behaviour for her escalated when she was 16 months old and she is now 27 months.
    HTH!! IF you want to just chat about it, commiserate, or just need a shoulder I am here anytime! I have had massive mummy melt downs & feelings of guilt from this & have learned a LOT in the last year.

  4. #4

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    Tegan
    Not much i can say other than it's something they all seem to go through at some stage. I have the car seat problem also with Alex he hates getting back into it after we have been out. With the arms coming out of the straps i now won't start the car until the arms are back in as Kimberley takes hers out all the time.

    The other thing i can think of is that Lily can sense what is going on and that the new baby will be here soon and she won't be having your attention all the time.

  5. #5

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    Christy, i have read your de-breif and Lily is starting to sound like Matilda! She is also starting to run into walls on purpose and also scratches at her face in total frustraion, its horrible to see.

    With giving her options/choices etc, im not sure this will work because she doesn't seem to understand when we do it. Like i will have 2 things and ask her which one she wants, she'll either just stand there or grab both.

    Also with her getting out of her car seat straps, its so hard because she only does it while im driving. If i pull over, she'll put them back in so i take off and again and she is out again.

    Our main problem though is that she is just so violent towards DH when she's cranky and frustrated. She'll do everything imaginable to hurt him(and believe me she has given him a nose bleed, split lip and a black eye so far) But she won't touch me. Maybe cause she knows theres a baby in my tummy, i dunno. But i hate seeing her like this. Plus DH is also getting frustrated because he keeps getting hurt!

  6. #6

    Join Date
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    We only started the choices things & reward system with Matilda when she was 23 months, so close to Lily's age... maybe its something they understand as they get older? I don't know, what I do know is that I underestimated Matilda and how much she understood. She understood things long before I gave her credit for...and that took time to curb into positive behaviour as well.

    I found through the safe n' sound people a strap you can attach to your car seat already & it is a harness that they can't get out of, because there is an extra strap across their chest as well... it is what we use for Matilda in the car seat & the pram. I'll PM you the details if I can find them again

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