Is there any reason why you think that she has to be feeding herself? My eldest was more than happy to have us feed him meals until he was nearly 2. He would rarely feed himself unless it was a sandwich, which he would eat, but anything else he much preferred that we feed it to him. My next 3 all preferred to feed themselves and could do so from quite an early age. My take on it is that they will do what they want and some are happy to be fed and another like the independence of doing it themselves. If you feel that she must start to learn to do it, then don't push her to do it to the extent that she's unhappy and you're frustated as that wont solve anything and only create more issues in that she will constantly refuse your efforts. Make it fun and perhaps combine the two for a while - put a fork/spoon on the table for her, but you feed her every second time, or even all of the time, but encourage her to pick up her own cutlery at the same time and she will eventually start to feed herself.