is not sending a 3.5year old to day care really that bad?

[Traveller]

Thanks N2L that's very kind, but I am going to have no choice but to leave them in childcare until school because of uni. But they're learning so much there I'm pretty happy with the placement. Hopefully their teachers will not change jobs in the next years and a half

[Floweryfields]

Can I just point out there is a world of difference between kindergarten and childcare. Kindergarten is an important step prior to school. It is part of a child's education, taught by a teacher qualified with a Bachelor of Education. It is not child-minding.

And can I also point out that daycare staff really don't like being labelled as child minders - when there are alot of us who provide very educational programs too. It is quite offensive to quality workers if you actually observed the time and skill that goes into quality programs to be then considered nothing more than child-minders. Sorry, but that one really gets under my skin.
Off topic but I had a 'teacher' in my centre recently observing my group leader running our pre prep program - who does not have the correct piece of paper - she said to me 'you don't need a teacher to run this, you already are'.
As are there some kinders who have a bachelor qualified teacher, yet provide poor standards of programs.
Everyone can't be tarred with the same brush - do some investigating and only make any decision based on how you and your child feels and don't feel pushed by anyone else.

[onthefly]

I don't think it's bad not to, no. There's plenty of other ways to get the same thing.
My DS is in daycare 2 days a week - intitally it was because I was working, then to have a break, and now simply because he enjoys it (I don't get a break now since DD came along).
I find it interesting when people fret about 'socialising' their kids, when really all they need to do is interact with them.

[nothing2lose]

Respectfully Ausgirl, a Bachelor of Education is more than "a piece of paper".

[sloane]

i really don't think it's that bad not to send your child. it's entirely your choice & depends on your feelings, situation & your child.

i think i'm the only one of the playgroup i go to that doesn't use either day care or occasional care (most of them go for one 3 hour session a week). i hear alot about the socialisation aspect but i feel that DS gets lots of socialisation & stimulation - each week we go to playgroup, a music playgroup & he has a swimming lesson. on top of that we usually visit all grandparents & have some playdates as well & that if i were to send him it would be for a break - more for me than for him. which is cool, we're just not there yet.

if things work for your family, then it's all good

[RainbowBrite]

No I do not think it is a bad thing at all.
None of my children have gone to daycare, not that there is anything wrong I didn't see it as necessary.
They have always been socialised I didn't think I had to send them to DC for that.
The older four all adjusted very well when they started kindy the year they turned 4.
Each family and child is different so make your decision on your family not on what others say.

[Junglemum]

I find it interesting when people fret about 'socialising' their kids, when really all they need to do is interact with them.

I thought the same thing MadB, and I was actually really sad when I realized I couldn't or wasn't giving my DD all she needs. I have house help so no chores to fill my day. So pretty much the whole time was spent interacting with my kids. Lots of outside play, imaginative play, craft, swimming every day, visiting the playground.(with no other kids) I use lots of craft ideas from homeschooling montessori blogs. I had absolutely no concerns about her mental and physical development, but after we returned to Aus it became quite clear really quickly that she was missing those social skills. Maybe she would have got there on her own , I don't know.
I'm still not fretting about the lack of social interaction my kids get though, if I was really concerned we wouldn't be heading back. But kinder has definitely been fantastic for us for a couple of months.

But yes, our situation is kind of the extreme. And generally kids can socialise in other aspects of their life.

[Floweryfields]

Respectfully Ausgirl, a Bachelor of Education is more than "a piece of paper".

Totally agree - it is years of hard work, as are the qualifications that childcare staff have - just not as many years. Have you ever looked into the legal requirments for document keeping and programming in childcare (in Queensland anyway)? Don't want to turn this thread into something it's not meant to be - however I feel so strongly about when people don't understand what we do that I just couldn't leave the baby sitting comment alone.

[FabFiona]

Megb - can I ask, what are you looking for in a day care centre? You said you don't think it benefits her - what do you mean by that? Is it having a negative impact?

Are you planning on sending her to kindy? Not sure where you are and the age that it starts.

From memory, I think you've posted about your childcare angst before. Apols if I'm thinking of someone else. Hope you can come to a resolution for that works for your daughter soon.

Not that I have an older child, but for my two cents, socialization can be gained from a whole range of places not just day care. At that age, it's the interactions that count, not the forum that provides them.


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[~StarBright~]

From a personal experience I am in two mids about this.. when I was pregnant with DD i decided that I would send DS to day care one day a week. I had a few reasons why i wanted to send him, and one was defiantely for a little bit of a break and a chance to bond with DD with some one on one time. But also the fact that DS (2 years old at the time) had honestly never left my side for any long period of time and I was a bit worried that when school time came he would be spending too much time and energy adjusting to not being with me that he would miss out on learning if that makes sense. And i was right, it did take some adjustment for him. It didnt help that he didnt seem to like one of his carers, because there was a noticable difference in his attitude to going to day care when they teachers did a rotation and he no longer had a certain teacher.

So it took some time for him to adjust, and i really did enjoy Mondays, i could make appts to do things knowing that i would only have a sleeping baby not a toddler to chase, I got lots of house cleaning done, time with DD and even some time to myself!!!!!

BUT... the social interaction thing.. well.... my experience was that the only social interaction stuff he learned was learning bad attitude and behaviours from the other kids.. he started doing this spitting thing and actually stopped talking, instead making this weird noise and being right in my face. It wasnt until i went to pick him up one day and i met the culpret. A child who was running arounf the room spitting raspberries and making this weird noise that my DS has started making in the last week. (Now it could have gone either way, my son could have started it, but i dont think so as he never did it before going to care)

We also had what we called Terror Tuesday.. he went to care on Mondays and on Tuesday he was an absolute **** of a kid. Tantrums all day, crying, throwing things just generally crazy!!!!! I think in some ways he was a bit over stimulated on Mondays, the day care was actually really interactive and they did alot of craft and learning things- I loved getting the craft things every week that he made!! But in some ways I think for him it was a bit too much!

So recently we moved a fair distance from the day care he was in, and in the new house I havent enrolled him anywhere. We no longer have Terror Tuesdays... he is talking again and not spitting at me. We only have the one car at the moment so cant even make it to a play group- but I reckon he is enjoying having mum and DS and DD time!! And I dont feel like I need that break anymore, DD is interactive with DS now and they play together, she would miss him if he was gone for a whole day!!!!

But thats my experience with a 2yo... I am hoping when it comes to kinder time he rememebrs that he was at Day Care and mummy always came back to get him and he will adjust ok, if I dont think he will then i MAY consider day care for a few months before school. I also want to start studying again when DD is a bit older so I may even have them both in in a few years so i cna get ahead start on studying.

I dont think there is a right or wrong answer, Good or Bad... its up to you and your family... your circumstances, the day care you choose and what makes you all happy!!

[Junglemum]

N2L- I just want to say I totally agree with a childcare and kinder program being totally different. The kinder my Dd goes to actually runs a Montessori program. I kind if felt it was a bit over the top in the beginning but she loves learning new stuff. They have free play time but it is quite limited, most tasks, although they seem fun are educational. They have a different topic each week, last week it was outerspace this weeks its the world and different countries. They also teach Chinese to the kids . Maybe it wasn't the socialization that was missing, maybe she just needed more stimulation. but it has certainly helped her. She is almost 4 though. My 2 year old I don't think needs it. I still think I can offer all she needs.

[aussienic]

Now this in my opinion ok.. No judgement

When I quit work when DS was 11 months old we made the decision that I would be a SAHM till the last of our children went to school. We did try DS2 in daycare the year before prep. (half days once a week) Him and I were miserable,,

None of my children (apart from Ds1 when I was working) went to daycare (should point out I worked in daycare so my son was with me most days) They are quite social, and generally make friends with other kids quite well.. They all play well together

If your gut feeling says to keep her home then do so. I don't think you can "damage" them either way to be honest..

[catetay]

I think there's definitely not a "one size fits all" answer.
My DS went to CC one day a week at age four, the year before he started Kinder, and DD went at age 2. Both my children have anxious natures, and it was important to me to start them in an environment that was small, where i could stay with them as long as it took, and we could ease into them being without me for a short time. And with DD, i def needed a break from her as it got to the point where she was bordering on hysterical going anywhere at all, even when i was with her. If i hadn't had concerns about how DS would go at Kinder, i never would have started CC. They both loved/love it.
Just do what you feel is right for you. Honestly, if it doesn't feel right, it's probably not.

[megb]

firstly, thank you EVERYONE for your lovely posts. i honestly appreciate all the feedback, it's been brilliant. every family is different i totally agree so we decided to take DD out of day care for now. it's been a couple of weeks and she's a totally different child. i honestly can't believe the difference in her. it seems really strange that she could go from a very naughty little girl to someone really well behaved, loving time with her brother and sharing/being kind to him. i am sort of in shock in a way and our relationship as mum and daughter is much better. she's not tired (although in the first week back home she was sleeping 3 hours in the day) so she's back to sleeping around 1.5hours now. we all are very healthy too, sure we'll pick things up when we're out but the kids have much more energy and so do we, we had all been very ill since february. i'm just so happy having her at home now with me every day and sort of wonder whether she was completely ready? she hasn't asked after day care but when i ask if she'd like to go, she tells me she wants to stay home with us. i just want to make sure she's not missing out on anything so we've joined a play group and we do visit friends through the week with children, do playgrounds, crafts at home etc. i just wanted to say again, thanks so much for listening to my rants over the last few months. i think the decision has been a great one. xxx