Skye- your statement: "I do envy all the women who do go back to work to provide the best for their kids" goes very much against what I believe in. I have made the choice to stay home fulltime with my DD and I am doing this because a) I want to, b) I think this is THE best way that I can provide for my child. Going back to work provides financially but were are forgoing a new house/renovations, overseas trips, a new second car, designer clothes, meals out etc etc so that we can bring up our child ourselves and according to our values/ideals/philosophies. It is a choice we have made.
What does a child want?? A warm, safe, secure and loving parent/s and home. Pollyanna I think you know the answers to your questions. The things a child needs most can't be bought or paid for with money. I think a parent at home with a baby for minimum 12 months, ideally 3 years is the greatest gift you can give your child, so much more valuable than any material goods. You are laying the foundations for your child's future in the first 3 years- mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. If you can be there for your children, do so. What are you achieving by working- a healthy bank balance. Does baby care about this? No. Does baby want a parent around and know that they can trust that parent in those critical months/years? Yes.
This is my opinion, as asked for. I don't wish for an argument!