Parenting labels..why do we use them?

[Shanti]

Yeah see I don't see how 'some' sposie Mum's get upset when they hear of cloth mum's putting cloth on their babies butt?!?! It's a CHOICE. We put cloth on our babys bum because we CHOOSE too. I don't understand how, and you hear of it, mum's getting 'offended' by this or thinking that we think we are better than them because our baby is in cloth?!
It's personal choice. That's all it is. Simple. We use cloth because it's SUPER cute, saves the environment and better for DD's skin and health! I'm not so sure it's cheaper for the pocket though rather addictive

[sneakysparkle]

People don't say they "follow in part a Buddhist philosophy" to stick it to Christians or Hindus. They say it as it's what they are. It helps to define a person's ethos, thoughts, ideas, values...

For someone to say I have a happy marriage is saying they have a happy marriage. Not to stick it to me who is about to be divored... YK?

I think this was a really lovely way of putting it

[Cocolove]

Im not judging when I say smother at all, I have smothering days and I actuallu quite enjoy them i dont think smother is a judgmental word i guess could have worded it differently but I couldnt think of another word.

After reading all the replies there is absoloutly no label that fits me, im a bit of all of it & I just dont see why we need to judge, this thread was great for me as it made me realise that ok I can now see i AM doing the best I can and i DONT care how anyone else feels about it.

To all the mums whether your a gentle parenter or the opposite what your doing is right for your child what your doing is amazing, we are all parents and the one thing that each and every one of us has in common is that we love out children to death we are the same just different & we are all doing the right thing.

to all the mummies & daddies with healthy children no matter what your parenting style, we need to support each other & we can do that by congratulating our friends on being parents and bringing up healthy children

Also thanks everyone who contributed its great that we could have this debate without it turning into and argument without needing the thread shut donw, for this im greatful to belly belly for the great community you have grown

xxx

[Indadhanu]

The point is, "Gentle" Parenters judge the hell outta other mums because they dont choose to smother their children

I could take that as a judgement on my parenting, as I do follow what I think is a more 'gentle' approach. But I won't because its obvious that you have no idea about how I parent my child or what 'gentle parenting' actually is. Not meaning that in a mean way, just a factual statement that obviously you don't understand.

Maybe you could just take that kind of approach. Say "pffft, what would anyone else know about my parenting style. Just because someone else says that they are 'gentle' doesn't mean that because I don't parent like them that I am not gentle".

Attitude is key


BTW, my own definition of gentle doesn't necessarily mean co-sleeping or wearing a sling. My defintion of gentle is more about respectful parenting, basically treating my daughter as I treat others. I would never smack, yell at, walk away from if they were crying, or put down my partner, or my friends, or even another persons child, so I follow that through with my child. That is my own definiton of gentle. It jsut so happens that we are still breastfeeding, co-slept, I have a sling that I use often, and we use cloth nappies. Nothing to do with how I chose to raise my child, just what aligns with my personal parenting instinct. If I formula fed, used disposables, put her in a cot in her own room, and never owned a slign, I'd still consider myself a gentle parent because of the philosophy I use, the way I parent, not the props I use.

[Cocolove]

I hav actually apologised in another thread for my wording, it wasnt meant to come across like that.

I had to come say sorry because my lack of writing skills seem to get me into trouble when I didnt mean things to come accross the way the do.

When I say smother I didnt mean it the way it sounded, I am still stuck for another word to use to get across what I meant, I dont think you smother your children in a bad way not at all I think your great parents wonderful caring patient parents and I love the way you parent its your way and its beautiful just because its not for me doesnt mean i judge.

So for this wording i am truley sorry, please accept my apology and know that I did not mean for it to come accross that way AT ALL.

xx

[allycat06]

Wow i've never heard of helicopter mum either, but my mum is DEFINITELY one of these and she is now also a helicopter Grandma :rollseyes: She seriously needs to chill out!

[Lolli]

What's a 'social mum'?

[Trillian]

Someone who is out and about a lot more often than staying at home? I dunno?

[slyder]

Trippy thread.

Being a parent is being a parent. Labels are a human construct which are intangible and have value only to those who choose to subscribe to them.

My view is that people who spend so much time trying to be a certain something don't have enough things to occupy their mind, especially if they then evaluate the choices of their peers. People have this great knack of making intangible, non-existent things hard.

Parent as you see fit within the bounds of what is reasonable, observe and listen to others, but make your own decisions. Seems pretty easy to me.

[Lulu]

As long as you aren't a Unit Parent Slyder...cos I WILL say something

[Cocolove]

As long as you aren't a Unit Parent Slyder...cos I WILL say something

Ive never heard this term, what are they?

[Trillian]

ROFL, don't worry about it. It's an 'in joke'

[Cocolove]

ROFL, don't worry about it. It's an 'in joke'

ok so there is no such thing,im confused

[Lulu]

Yep, sorry! It involves car stickers....

[Cocolove]

ok so is that like if you put stickers on your car your a bad mum lol seriously you have to spill my mind is ticking

[Jaycee]

ok so is that like if you put stickers on your car your a bad mum lol

Sweety, you really gotta get yourself out of this "If u do xyz then you're a bad mum" mindset. Let it all go and focus on being the kind of mother YOU want to be, not what kind of mother you THINK OTHERS think you should be. You'll be much better off for it

[Cocolove]

sweety, you really gotta get yourself out of this "if u do xyz then you're a bad mum" mindset. Let it all go and focus on being the kind of mother you want to be, not what kind of mother you think others think you should be. You'll be much better off for it

it was a joke funny ha ha i was kidding hense the lol

[Lulu]

Hahaha, yeah but they have to be certain ones. And I won't spill cos it really is an in joke and I would have to explain about 15 months of background....