No matter how tired you are, once you say no you must mean it. So go and remove the child and listen to the tantrum. I tell Liebling "I am not apologising for stopping you: I told you not to do it. You should listen to me. We have to do this now because XYZ/It is dangerous because XYZ."
I had a tantrum all the way home because I refused to let Liebling drive the car home. He played at driving for 15 minutes before I told him he had to go in his seat so we could go home because I needed to make dinner now. I had a tantrum earlier because he isn't allowed to explore where I can't see when I'm not following him: we were out with PiL, SiL, Niece and Nephew. So I couldn't just run off randomly all the time, he had to stay with us sometimes. BUT having said that, those were the first tantrums in about 3 weeks.
I do shout at DS sometimes when I'm cross. But I do apologise for shouting. Not for telling him no - for shouting. And I always ask him to apologise. Especially for hurting me. He says "sorry" and gives me a hug.
DS generally does as he is told to avoid the Lecture, I think. I gave him a 20-minute lecture a couple of weeks back as I pushed him home because he didn't look before going on the road - the BUSY main road with loads of cars on it. I was very cross he forgot all the road safety training we had done. He now stops and says "cars coming?" about 99% of the time now! I don't time out, I hold still and lecture. It really works. And my lectures are looooooong! They always end with "I love you" though - it's important that he knows his behaviour is sub-standard but he is still loved.
You are not alone ... I have two of them living here with me today too. I don't have any advice but I was so happy to read that other people get tired of repeating the same thing 5 million times a day. I am currently counting the minutes until DH gets home. I have banished both of mine to their beds with a few toys because I cannot do it at the moment.
Must be something about the weather . . . I hope things start to get better for you soon.
Try and remember as hard as it is its hard for them as hard as it is for us. I always try and think of it like this, we have had 20 something years experience in understanding emotion, working our resolution etc We are completely in control of our lives, we go to the toilet when we need to and we don't need help to wipe our butts. We can speak clearly and understand perfectly. If we want to do something we do it. If we don't want to do it we don't. They have to conform to rules they don't properly understand and often don't see alternatives to. They are trying to understand their own emotions and work out ways to control them, but its still hard. They've only been on this earth for a little while yet we expect them to understand, obey and be perfect. It just ain't gonna happen! Sorry! They need to tantrum to explore their emotions and so they can figure out within themselves what their alternatives are.
And really when we are feeling like crap about something what do we do? Go grab some chocky or a wine and have a good wine to our friends or loved ones... they can't even do this. So next time they are having a tantrum if you can't help them to stop, change your perspective because then at least one of you won't be having a melt down
And I'm not saying to abandon boundaries, but a little understanding and empathy never hurt anyone yeah?
I have a child who understands the word "no" but largely ignores it. At 10 months old, I found her on top of the dining table. Underneath that is a concrete floor. Not a good combo.
She is now almost two and I can count on one hand the number of times, she has listened to "no" and I honestly don't have the energy to say no all day and to implement consequences. I just don't. I don't think it would be good for her to listen to no all day and it would make for a very frustrating day for me.
So the way I deal with it is to pick my battles. I only dole out consequences if she's doing something really dangerous. I figure that until she understands the "why" about why she can't do something, it's actually pointless (with her because she's very, very headstrong).
In the last couple of weeks though, I've happily noticed a change and she is much, much better at doing what I ask her to do. I just think she's getting better at understanding my explanations as her cognition has improved.
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